- 20 Minutes met Eve Ensler, writer and author of the play Les Monologues du vagin .
- Eve Ensler was raped in her childhood, from 5 to 10 years old, by a father who adored her in his words, and then beat her, isolated, persecuted.
- Thirty years after her death, Eve Ensler is releasing this month Pardon , a book that presents itself as a letter of apology to her daughter.
Eve Ensler is the creator of the famous Vagina Monologues , a play performed all over the world. This month she is releasing a new book, Pardon (Denoël), an imaginary letter of apology from her father, Arthur, who died more than 30 years ago, who raped her from the age of five to ten. A powerful book like the empathy of its author, passing through Paris, and which we met on January 7 in a cafe in Bastille.
Who has not suffered from not receiving an apology? Who has never been thirsty for recognition of their injury? To finally feel understood? Forgiveness is more than a story of self and of the other, it is a political program: allowing men to let go of the posture of pride that is required of them. To engage in true saving introspection. And allow each and every one of us to offer real liberation to those we have bruised.
Why did you feel the need to write this book?
There are several reasons. For years I waited for an apology, like all survivors. I wanted to tell him the truth, take responsibility for what he had done, and change. It never happened, but the desire did not go away. I imagined going to the mailbox and receiving this letter of apology, even after his death. It's like a childhood dream.
And there is another reason: I am involved in a movement that combats violence against women, and since #MeToo, I started to think of all the men who have been accused. Some lost their jobs, others went to jail, but I realized that no man had ever apologized. Never. I have never even seen a single letter of apology in the archives of thousands of years of patriarchy. I told myself that this must be one of the things that allows the patriarchy to hold out. And I told myself that I needed to write this excuse. And above all, I had to create a model letter of apology, which could inspire other men.
Some kind of example?
Yes, in four steps. The first is to look within yourself. His past, his childhood. What are the ingredients that have made me a man capable of raping, abusing, harassing. What happened in my family, my culture. Explanations are never a justification, but they are important.
The second step is to describe in detail what you have done. But saying "I'm sorry if I abused you" is not enough. You must say what you did: I came in the middle of the night and I lowered your pants against your will. This must be precise in order to assume his actions.
Third, try to feel what your victim may have felt when you abused him. You have to immerse yourself in the suffering that you may have caused: betrayal, horror, etc. Finally the last thing is to take full responsibility for your actions.
The name of your book in French is Pardon , and that means both apologizing and accepting excuses. Is this book both your father's excuses, but also your forgiveness?
We had a great debate around the title, with several versions. I have always been very bored with the word "sorry" because it is a very religious idea. Victims are often asked to forgive ... Yet there is an alchemy of sincere excuse: when real excuses occur, then you are rid of resentment, hatred. But no victim should forgive if they don't feel it. And I didn't write this book to forgive my father, I wrote it to help men and people apologize.
Where did you get the strength, the empathy, to put yourself in the shoes of your rapist, of the person who broke your life?
He was my father and despite everything that happened I love my father very much. It took me years to understand and feel what my father may have felt as a child, to feel his pain. I always felt her melancholy, her sadness, when I was little. You have to understand that when someone enters you, then they live inside of you. Her feelings were in me. And I was finally able to hear them and make sense of them. Not to justify them, but to understand. And it was really difficult, because I had postponed this exam for years.
We discover in this book all the horror of what he did to you, the rape then the beatings later, the lies, the manipulation, the consequences on your mental, physical health, on your studies, your sex life, your emotional relationships… But you also say that he too is a victim of toxic virility. What is wrong with the dominant traditional male model?
We are born filled with love, care for others, connected to others, sweet creatures. Later boys are taught not to be vulnerable, not to cry, not to be tender. We tell them it's a sign of weakness. And we crush them, we crush their hearts, their tenderness, their spirit. They have to put all their feelings aside, and then those feelings, which have to go somewhere, turn and become ugly. We need to start educating boys as human beings. Let them express their fears, have needs. Let them play, love to dance, move their bodies.
Is it more difficult for a man to apologize than for a woman?
As my father says in the book, to apologize is to be a traitor to masculinity. When men learn to apologize, then the whole patriarchy will collapse. We teach them that apologizing is a defeat. While the opposite is true: when you apologize, you allow energy to flow inside you. And you allow others to no longer be trapped in the effects of your bad deeds. Apologizing is not a sign of weakness, it is a strength, it is having character, the sign that one is humble. I think apologies are more important than prayers.
Have the young men of today changed a lot? Do you think they are more capable of apologizing, and not committing such acts, than their fathers or grandfathers?
It depends on their mother and father ... I am divided. We are moving forward and backward at the same time. But I was surprised by the reaction of many men to the book. I have received wonderful letters. Many have written reviews, interviewed me, and said some great things. This is what makes me optimistic.
Right now the Weinstein trial is taking place. What do you expect?
I hope there will be justice, and that he will be condemned. I was reading his team's brief this morning, and it was awful. It ridiculed the victims, blamed the women, he did not take responsibility for any of his actions, there was no remorse, no acknowledgment of what he had done. And that doesn't surprise me because he's a powerful man surrounded by powerful lawyers. But I don't think he'll get away with it. The movement is too large. It would be unacceptable.
You've surely heard of the Gabriel Matzneff case (a writer who has published numerous autobiographical books telling of his “loves”, according to him, with adolescents or children, from the age of 8, without being interested in the potentially destructive of these acts, note). One of its publishers, Gallimard, announced the cessation of the publication of its newspaper, which was accessible to the public for 40 years. Could it be possible that such a book is available today in the United States?
No, not today, but in the recent past, yes. It is very good news that this publication has been discontinued. The more people rise up to say that it is not acceptable, the more the culture changes. It was very courageous on the part of Vanessa Springora (author of the book The Consent, which narrates the grip of the writer on her when she was 14 years old). And it shows that things change when brave women speak out. Why should artists be exempt from accountability? It's the same with Roman Polanski. This culture of fetishization must collapse.
#MeToo is already more than two years old, what do you think of the progress made since this important moment? Are you satisfied or disappointed with the changes?
Activists have been fighting violence against women for 70 years. For me, #MeToo does not come from nowhere. It's a new step. #MeToo has brought the subject to the fore, and men are now on their guard. Great job. But if we really want this to change, men must change. And I have the impression that men are suspicious, that they wait for it to pass, but not that they change. As Tony Porter said (president of the association A call to men), we pointed the finger at the men ("call out", in English), we now need to include them ("call in").
Is that the next frontier?
Exactly. And I also want to say to the men who did not rape, or raped: why not come and fight with us?
You launched V-Day, a movement that combats violence against girls and women. Can you tell us about it?
I launched V-Day in 1998, shortly after The Monologues of the Vagina, because many women were lining up to come and talk to me after the play, to tell me about their experiences. I could not remain without acting. For 22 years, local groups have raised funds by playing Monologues du vagina. We have raised over $ 110 million. We have built shelters to stop female genital mutilation in Kenya, and during those years, female genital mutilation has been reduced by 80-20%. We also launched City of Joy in the Congo, where hundreds of women victims are received. And we also launched One billion rising (in French: A billion women standing. Around the world, a billion women are raped or beaten during their lives according to the UN, editor's note), an intersectional movement in more than 200 countries, which is also concerned with climate issues, racism, immigration, the rights of trans people, workers, homosexuals. And all thanks to the dance.
What is the most urgent thing to do today to combat this violence?
My answer may surprise you. But I think the most urgent thing today is to stop the climate catastrophe. Because without Earth to live, we will not be able to stop violence against women. And I think our time is running out, and people have to wake up quickly. We must stop using oil, and realize that globalized capitalism is depleting resources. We have to understand that the way we treat the planet is no different from the way we treat the bodies of women. We plunder the earth, we exploit it, we think that we have a right on it. When we do this to the earth or to women, we destroy life itself. The two fights must be held together.
Are you an eco-feminist?
Absolutely ! Antirascist, anticapitalist and ecofeminist.
Culture
Marlène Schiappa will be on stage in "Les monologues du Vagin" on March 7
Media
Author of "Vagina Monologues" co-organizes meetings on the fight against gender-based violence
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