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The first few times do not always happen as planned. While some are going very well, they can sometimes go badly, generating feelings of guilt or fear in one or other partner who may then be afraid to start again. In the show Sans Rendez-Vous on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychiatrist, explains why there is no reason to feel guilty after a first time that went wrong.
Pierre's question, 18 years old
"The first time I made love, everything went wrong, for fear of not getting there, I was very mechanical, a little abrupt probably, my girlfriend, who was also a virgin, lost a lot of blood, I know it's normal, and yet I feel guilty, since I do not dare, how can I do it? "
Catherine Blanc's answer
The first time, it's not perfect, and luckily by the way! Because that way, we'll have to stick to it with a little more attention, a little more solicitude towards the other because, precisely, we will have measured, that this eagerness, we do not not things properly.
What Pierre says is interesting because the problem, and the advantage, is that he feels guilty, that is to say that, nevertheless, he is not a sagouin. It's pretty healthy. He realizes that some things may not have been good.
However, too much guilt causes fear and can lead to difficulty in erection, rapid ejaculation to not hurt, not to rush the other. If a virgin woman can lose blood - it is not automatic - it is not normal that it is haemorrhagic but it does not mean not normal because of him, but not normal for her.
Is it surprising that he feels so guilty?
Yes and no. All men, if we listen to them, have a great mission when they make love: to make a woman enjoy. We never asked them that. As they think that, as soon as it goes wrong, they feel just as responsible.
If men stopped feeling responsible for the multiple pleasures of a woman, it would allow everyone to be in his position, aware of his position, his function, and not always be on mission for the other.
The whole mistake lies in the fact that something is done in the name of the other, for the other, and presumably what the other is waiting for. Finally, for a young couple who makes love for the first time, two virgins who make love together, both blunders cumulate.
How to overcome this fear of starting again?
It is necessary to be able to go back in the saddle, to say to oneself: 'I am going to try, I am going to be delicate, I am going to bandage, maybe to be afraid and to disband. Now I know where my penis is supposed to come back, I know I was finally afraid to disband and I went a little hussar because I did not allow myself to give me time for fear of losing my own erection.
Finally, I did a little bit of everything and anything, I jostled a girl who was herself all her worry, not very open, not very quiet, not very accompanying also because if she had not been a virgin, she would have led him so easily into her.
Moreover, for all young couples, why is it always necessary for a young man to want to penetrate a young woman of his own penis? A young woman is quite capable of taking the man's penis and putting it in her.
If young women did that, they would put it in the measure of their ability to accommodate a penis in them rather than have their legs vaguely open and be a little worried about a man who does not have an eye to tip of the penis and who is supposed to find an entry he does not know himself since he himself is virgin and does not know the physiology from the point of view of his penis.