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This is a problem that all parents have in mind. How to keep children away from the sexuality of the parental couple? The sexologist Catherine Blanc, in the show "Sans Rendez-Vous" of Thursday, tells us that we must play down, while still taking some precautions.
Theo's question
When I was little, I sometimes heard my parents make love because my mother was screaming. In my family, sexuality was not taboo. Today, I'm dad and my wife tells me to be careful, not to make noise. For me, she is too prudish, but in addition, she tells me that I'm an exhibitionist. What do you think ?
Catherine Blanc's answers
First, there is a question of territory. The territory of one's sexuality, and not sexualize the territory of others. Obviously, according to our educations, things are a little different. And besides, if we heard, because our parents were free of their lives, their love and their sexuality, our parents make love and scream, for some it will not be problematic because it was kindly verbalized.
But for others, it can be extremely stressful, because it is a way, through auditory, of participating in parental sexuality. So in our culture where there is a kind of narrowing of the family unit, it is true that we generally ensure, not to mix the children, not to involve them.
For a child, the parental couple begins to take on a sexual character from two and a half to three years of age. Date when the child is really in Oedipal relationships with his parents. And anyway, the place of the child in the parental room is not happy, at least in our culture. As soon as one is in a close cell - the father, the mother and the children - obviously this relation to sexuality must remain really the singularity of the relationship of mum and dad.
How to react if you are surprised by a child having sex?
It does not matter, it's not an accident either. He saw us, we laugh and here we are. They are told that dad and mom were making love, or cuddling. You are not going to tell him that you were doing a briefing on the next real estate project. It is better to say the reality with a lot of tenderness. Saying it's not your place. It's a hug of love. You really have to be simple.
The question is mostly screams. That the child understands that it is not a pain that is done to one or the other. On the other hand, one can be naked, one can be in the simplicity, but one must not sexualize things, so that the children can see that there is a time and a space for everything.