In September 2017, freelance writer Gemma Hartley writes an article in the newspaper Harper's Bazaar. The article is about "emotional work" - a job that women mostly do and that is not about actual housework. She describes how tired she is to be the one who notices what needs to be done in the home. Who buys birthday presents, who know when kids need new clothes, who may not necessarily do all the homework, but who delegate it and point out that and when it needs to be done.

- What got me thinking about emotional work was that in 2015 there was a long thread on the (web forum) Metafilter where people took "emotional work" out of their academic context and started applying it to their relationships and all the ways they worked to keep everyone happy and comfortable, says Gemma Hartley.

- I read it and cried, I recognized so much and then I wrote the article. I experienced it on Mother's Day and I was completely overwhelmed by everything I needed to do. I did everything alone and it did not appear. It became a breaking point.

Appeared two billion times

The article got huge spread. According to Harper, the article has been sidelined two billion times and the work of turning the article into a book was started. Obviously, many people recognized themselves in the image of being the unpaid manager of the family.

Gemma Hartley has been interviewed many times since she wrote the article. A question she often gets is whether or not it is up to the person who cares more about a tidy, upset existence to be responsible for it towards the one who does not think it plays any role with a little shit in the corners. Maybe she's just a control freak?

- I think the issue is sexist. All the blame is placed on women and it signals that all this work is not valuable - that we could just ignore it and the problem is solved. It's not true.

- Usually there are men who say: "your demands are too high - just lower them so we don't have to change". That's the problem. Men do not always want to change or take on the responsibility required for an equal household.

Do not live their lives

Gemma Hartley also believes that the fact that it is more often women who keep track of a family's social calendar, cultivate relationships and make sure to invite friends over for dinner robs men of an important part of their own lives.

- They don't live their lives to the full. It was clear from my research that it is not just about women becoming exhausted, but also that men do not fully participate in their own lives. I found that when men take on more emotional work, they get stronger bonds with their friends, with their families, says Gemma Hartley

The book So damn tired was released in Swedish in September.