The first sexual intercourse is a milestone in the adolescent's development. It is often perceived as a moment of transition from childhood to adulthood. Addressing this topic with your child, if only to teach them about contraception and protection against sexually transmitted infections, is not easy. Tuesday, in Without appointment, the health show Europe 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc explains how to get to the point, without embarrassment or abruptness.
Is it necessary to discuss the issue of first sexual intercourse with one's child?
You have to be at the rendezvous if the child has questions. But if he does not ask, when there is a natural fluidity in relations with parents, it is because he needs to appropriate his sexuality for himself. Sexuality is what distances us the most from our parents. Fortunately, because otherwise we would have the feeling of slipping into something extremely incestuous, in a mix of genres.
Can one evoke one's own experience to talk about sexuality with one's child?
The first time also tells the beginnings of a person. To say what one has done, what one is still thinking about it is to indirectly put enormous pressure on one's child. This is to let him believe that he will necessarily fix, heal something he will never forget, that will pollute permanently if this first time does not meet his expectations. But when you learn to walk, you start falling before you get up, run, jump, or hit the stairs without even thinking!
Why do we give so much importance to this first time?
There is never much happening the first time. We progress as we go. However, there is a great symbolic weight, religious and moral, with the idea that it is necessarily a proof of love, a passage from childhood to adulthood. There is something of the order of initiation ritual. A child must prove to himself that he is becoming an adult. To have the feeling that one has succeeded in overcoming one's fear is therefore often enough to the miracle of this first time. It does not have to happen to enjoy or try all the positions of Kamasutra !
Should I stick to a simple hygienist speech about the risks and how to protect yourself?
The issue of protection should not be the sole focus of a conversation with one's child about sexuality. Today, sex education always revolves around dangers and risks. This is a reality, there is no question of banning the possibility of a pregnancy, or that of diseases. But emphasizing the dangerousness of sexuality is counterproductive because it is nurturing fear. The issue of personal consent is also important. We must therefore remind our child that sexuality is something wonderful, provided that it is his choice, whether for consequences that he chooses to assume.