Bloody welts on the face, nose bitten, bruises and bruises all over the body: So mauled is Mona S. at the end of her marriage to Mecit S. at the hospital, next to her bed, her two sons, six and nine years old. She did not really want to say anything bad about her father, but his latest outburst of violence could not be denied: "That now I look like that, it was Dad," says Mona.
Mecit S. had ambushed his wife a few hours earlier when she wanted to pick up the children from school by car. He drives towards them head on, pushes them off the street, rams their car. Mona locks the doors. "But he hit the glass with his fist, opened the door, pulled my hair out of the car, beat me and pulled a key through my face," she says. Fortunately, other people intervened, called police and ambulances.
That's almost five years ago. Mona, who does not want to read her real name and that of her husband in the media, can therefore quite objectively tell. Almost as if all this happened to another woman. "I am a completely different person today," says Mona. She has her own flat, earns her own money, learns a new profession. Nevertheless, she says: "What has happened depends a lot on me, and so does my sons."
Mona, 37, lives in a village near the North Sea. She met her five-year-old male at the age of fifteen. At the age of 18, she married him so that he could live as a Turk in Germany.
"The misery started when the first child came in. When he opened a restaurant, I had to work there from early morning until late at night, cleaning waiters, cleaning toilets, keeping accounts, and taking care of the household at night while 'Pasha I often slept on only three hours of sleep and could hardly take care of the baby, which was mostly with my grandmother.
Then there were the eternal quarrels and punches. He kept telling me that I was stupid, ugly, and useless. If something did not suit him, he scoured me or beat me up. I often had bruises, a blue eye or strangulation on my neck. Other people should not notice. I was worried that I would endure even more. That's why I've often claimed that I fell down the stairs or run into a door. "
2008 is the first time the police. Since the couple already has two small children, and Mecit has pulled Mona by the hair through the garden. The officials give him a house ban, but after two days he is back. Mona has withdrawn her ad - out of fear that he will do her even more violence.
At the next Zoff, however, Mecit stands with her knife in front of her: "If you contradict me again, I'll kill you." Mona moves to the women's shelter with her sons for the first time. After two weeks, however, her husband can persuade her to go back to him with the promise, "I change."
"But when I got home, everything got even worse, it was enough that he was in a bad mood or the weather was bad, then he slapped my face, and if he wanted sex, I let it happen to me He does not go back to sleep. Today I wonder why I have endured all this, but at that time I was a man of hearing and financially dependent on the man.
He also manipulated me a lot, telling me, for example, that the friends I had were bad and would not do me any good. So I gradually broke contact with them. As a result, at some point he was the only person besides my parents who was close to me at all. And above all, my husband always threatened, 'If you leave me, you'll never see the children again.' "
In 2013, Mona thinks of suicide and writes a farewell letter. Her father happens to find the letter before she can harm herself and gives her a break: a cure. Mona talks to psychologists there, refrains from contact with her husband for two weeks - and realizes how she is thriving. Secretly she drives home, brings the children and moves to the women's shelter. But Mecit wants to see his sons - and uses his rights as a father to exercise power.
"My sons just cried"
"When the kids came to him as agreed on the weekend, I got a strange text message from my nine-year-old son: '' Mom, you do not have to pick us up tomorrow, we want to stay with Dad from now on. ' Five minutes later came the next SMS: 'Mom, the last message was not mine, that dictated to me daddy.' My son had gone to the bathroom and secretly wrote to me.
I picked up the children the next day in consultation with the youth welfare office and saw how disturbed they were. My husband wanted to get the big man out of the car, rioted, threw glass bottles at the car and yelled, 'I'll see to it that you never see the kids again.' My sons just cried. "
The youth welfare office decides to ban contact. But shortly thereafter, Mecit enforces in court that he may bring his sons back to him every 14 days. It works well for a while, but there are more and more problems because the father does not want to bring the children to football training or birthday parties on the weekend.
In the fall holidays, he fails with the desire to fly with his sons to Turkey - because Mona is afraid that he leaves their children there and wants to take her away forever. Shortly thereafter, Mecit starts the attack by car. A court sentenced them to two years and three months in prison. But after about a year he is free again - and wants to meet his sons.
"The kids did not want to see him, and that's how it is today, both of them are afraid of their father and scared that they might become like him." At first, they sometimes actually showed a behavior that reminded me of him Chairs flew through the room, or I was told that I did not do it, my sons did not mean it, but what they experienced left their mark, and they both spent more time in psychological treatment to handle the experience. It's better now, I always tell them that they decide for themselves what kind of person they will become. "
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The children have not had contact with their father for years. He pays no support for her, as Mona says, but until the divorce, but still custody with her. Mona needed Mecit's approval on various matters for the children: "He kept postponing his signature over and over again, everything had to go through lawyers, otherwise he would not react," says Mona. "This is nerve-wracking, it harms the kids and it breaks me."
Until today, she has not been able to get involved in a new partner - for fear of getting back to the wrong person or being rejected. "'You'll never find a husband again'", she still has that sentence from her ex-partner in her ear, says Mona. She sometimes meets men via the Internet, with whom she exchanges her experiences in writing. "But whenever it comes to a meeting, I do not dare and back down."