Domestic violence: "If I do not go immediately, I will not survive here"

Maria moved to Germany because of love. But the man she married suddenly showed brutal sides - and made his wife into another human.

Her husband does not know where she is. Maria L. has been hiding in front of him for more than a year in a women's shelter in a German city - out of fear that he might threaten her again, beat her or, worse, flatter her so that she goes back to him. Therefore, the 39-year-old wants to tell her story, but absolutely go undetected, also because she wants to keep secret from her adult son, what happened to her.

"I always wanted to be a role model as a mother, a strong, self-confident woman, that's how I've seen myself for a long time, from Latin America, studying, starting a business, earning my own money and having my child after divorcing my first husband raised alone, I was independent.

So I never thought that could happen to me. That I once belong to the women who are beaten by her husband. It was awful to experience that, and it's embarrassing to my son that I was so weak. I have not told him about it, not even anyone else in my family. I know it's not my fault. But I keep thinking about how things got that way. "

At first everything was fine

Maria L. is an elegantly dressed woman, good-looking, well-groomed, courageous-and vulnerable. She is determined to share her experiences in the hope of helping other women. At the same time it is clear how much overcoming it costs.

As the conversation begins, Maria L. looks very serious, tense. She has brought her friend as a prop and keeps looking at her while she talks half in German, half in Spanish. The easiest thing is to describe the facts soberly and to talk about the time when "everything was still fine". From the beginning.

Maria L. meets her husband a few years ago in Latin America. She has been divorced for a long time, her son has already moved out and studied. Maria L. falls in love. Finally, after much consideration, she moves to the "love of her life" in Germany. In 2013, the two marry. Thereafter, the couple lives together in a village in southern Germany, and a little later start the problems.

Maria L. says the start in Germany was already difficult for her anyway: Low knowledge of German, no opportunity to work in her real job, only work in a mini-job, little contact with other people because of language barriers, but also because her husband kept her away from others. Even the phone calls with her son, who lives abroad, would not have suited him.

I should not call my daughter

"I used to talk to my son almost every day at first, which annoyed him, he said that close contacts between parents and children are completely uncommon in Germany, but I did not have the impression that it was true and I did I have not let him forbid me to call my child.

But there were other issues that I did not object to. For example, my husband often scolded me for not making enough money. He was always concerned about money, but we actually had enough to live on. He never helped me to improve my German to find a more qualified job. He just wanted me to make money no matter how.

He also told me almost every day that I was doing everything wrong in the household. I could not cook, my food was not edible, that would not even touch a dog. Once I did not scrub a pot properly. He's flipped out. I'm too stupid to wash. I could not do anything.

So my husband has made me again and again insulted, insulted as a witch, bitch and slut, put me mentally massive pressure. I should have been alerted and taken action. I can only advise any woman who gets into such a situation. But at the beginning I did not realize what happened there and where it could lead. I thought if I just tried harder and got it right, it would get better between us. "

"I love my husband"

Maria L. tells how she repeatedly sought apologies for her husband's behavior. She believed that he had mental health problems, that they could handle them together. "I thought that with a lot of love everything could be okay," she says, kneading her hands, looking at her friend. She nods in agreement.

"We women always believe in love," says the girlfriend. She has lived with a violent man for years and needed much strength to split up. The problem is all these contradictory feelings: fear, despair - but also deep affection.

"I love my husband," says Maria L. in the conversation again and again. There have often been nice moments between them, such as a romantic holiday. "He can be very positive, very sensitive, very loving." Even the common life was good on many days, without humiliation, without humiliation.

But there were always bad scenes again and again. So brutal is what her husband did to her, that Maria L. cries again and again while recalling the experiences. Sometimes parts of her story are in tears, so close is everything again.

I could not fight back

"At some point, my husband did not just make me faint with words but became violent, he looked at me with hatred, took things in his hands and threatened to throw at me, pushed me against walls or furniture, and at me Because of trifles, because I did not do anything as he had imagined, once he hit me with a leather thong against my head when I lay on the floor, he's a big man, I could not fight back ,

Once my neighbors came, because they had become aware of the noise. They were afraid for me. That was my luck. Only in this way was my husband stopped in his frenzy. He then put me out the door. Locked out. At first I was relieved. Because so at least nothing could happen to me at first.

I just did not know where to go. The neighbors did not want to let me in because they were afraid of my husband. And hardly anyone else in Germany knew otherwise. By bus I went in the middle of the night to a friend in another village. But I could only stay there for a few days. I had previously contacted counseling centers, but they did not have good advice in this rural area.

I also thought that I would have to marry for at least three years and live with my husband so I could stay in Germany. He had told me that. Today I know that's not true. But at the time I was a different person. Completely isolated, insecure. My husband has manipulated me extremely. If he had his temper tantrums, then I apologized to him. "

Domestic violence: "If I do not go immediately, I will not survive here"

You may like

Trends 24h

Latest