In the movie "A Beautiful Mind", the gifted game theory master and mathematician John Nash "conquered his mental illness with his own spirit."
Jin Xiaoyu, a 50-year-old "unknown translator" from Hangzhou, has lived with his bipolar disorder for decades. In ten years, he has completed 22 foreign language translations of more than 6 million words with only one eye that he can see.
This is an intertext that spans time and space, art and reality.
In real life, Jin Xiaoyu, his father Jin Xingyong, and his mother Cao Meizao, the two generations supported each other through the ups and downs. With faith and love, they protected the decency of being a human being.
When I walked into Jin Xiaoyu's house on January 18, he and his 86-year-old father were sitting behind a table full of translators, waiting peacefully for new visitors.
Compared with the legend of genius, Jin Xiaoyu's translation ability is more practical and specific - always focused, often truthful, enduring what ordinary people can't, and sitting on a cold bench.
When he found the media, Jin Xingyong finished the dictation with tears.
"I feel so alone and hope someone hears our story," he said.
imperfect child
The old house is about 60 square meters, and the interior of the house is dim, outdated and disordered.
This is where the family of Jin Xiaoyu (called "Xiaoyu" by his father) have lived since 1988.
A narrower room is Xiaoyu's bedroom, with a window, a bed, a table, a cabinet, and a bookshelf.
There are scattered books on the shelves, more dictionaries in different languages and versions.
Xiaoyu wears a pair of black-rimmed glasses and a thin layer of beard on his lips.
Most of the time, he just sat here expressionlessly, facing the computer.
An accident in childhood broke Xiaoyu's right eye lens.
He dropped out of high school and was later diagnosed with "bipolar disorder", with intermittent episodes of mania and depression.
Since 1992, Xiaoyu has been going to the hospital almost every year.
Do you want to give Xiaoyu a disability certificate?
Jin Xingyong felt uneasy.
He never wanted to admit that his son would be disabled for life.
However, the father hoped that the child could walk more smoothly in the future, and he gritted his teeth. In the end, Xiaoyu was medically recognized as a second-level mental disability.
After his eyes were broken, Xiaoyu became less and less confident in going to school. He hid at home to read and gave up the college entrance examination.
In the spring of his life, there will be days when he is "severely crushed" - repeating studies, going to work in factories, studying, dropping out of school, taking self-examinations, attempting suicide, going to Xinhua Bookstore and Zhejiang Education Bookstore to work part-time... He doesn't want to work with to deal with people, so he shut himself up at home and taught himself the language.
The parents’ wages were squeezed out to invest in stocks, trying to save more money for their son, but the investment failed, and the mother Cao Meizao collapsed suddenly. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and was bedridden for three years.
This intellectual family suddenly encountered two kinds of mental illnesses that make human beings handicapped.
The boat of fate is swaying in the great waves of life, and the family is ups and downs together.
Xiaoyu was recently detained in the hospital because he went to Wenzhou alone.
It was a precursor to the onset of the disease. He didn't tell his father and lost contact for a day and a night.
His father took him to the hospital again.
Xiaoyu eats unconsciously and falls asleep unconsciously in the hospital.
The hospital was a "scared" place for him.
This stay is more than two months.
No one expected that he would have no mother after he was discharged from the hospital.
A true "painter"
The sample book "Benyamin Letters" was obtained by Jin Xiaoyu in the hospital last December.
Jin Xingyong sent the book to the door of the hospital, and the nurse handed it over.
It took Xiaoyu more than two years to translate this German book, with 530,000 words.
While at home, Xiaoyu taught himself German and Japanese and consolidated English.
He believes that the experience of learning languages is the same. He first read German textbooks, then professional books related to translation, and then read original novels.
"When I learn a foreign language, I have to read at least 20 original novels." Jin Xiaoyu said.
Sometimes he couldn't understand the original text, so he went to the library to get a large and thick dictionary to look it up.
In the Zhejiang University library, he read almost all German and Japanese textbooks.
Early on, he listened to the radio on the radio.
"On the shortwave radio, you can listen to broadcasts in English and Japanese. I have used that radio since I was a child for more than ten years. After I bought a computer at home, I started watching dramas. I watched more than 60 Japanese dramas just to learn the language."
Every time he translated, he read the original text thoroughly, and then translated it ten pages by ten.
Read through again every ten pages and make backups every thirty pages.
During the translation of "Andrei Tarkovsky: The Elements of Cinema", he watched each of the director's works at least twice, and the details of the films mentioned in the book were repeatedly compared.
Xiaoyu has used three computers.
The first one was a big Lenovo machine that his father bought back for more than 10,000 yuan. When Xiaoyu fell ill, all the electrical appliances in his home were smashed, but he never smashed the computer.
There's also a brand new laptop with a protective film over the keyboard, recently delivered by my cousin.
When the intensity was at its highest, Xiaoyu started translating after breakfast, working seven or eight hours a day.
In order to maintain good physical strength, he spends an hour a day walking three bus stops away.
His translation language is plain and uses short sentences.
Readers commented that his writing was "accurate and delicate, better than the original".
Sometimes he went to the library to see the long loan records, and felt that he "couldn't go wrong."
He is also very serious about annotations. Over the years, Jin Xingyong, the "first reader" of the manuscript, has only picked out one mistake.
In ten years, he translated 22 books (2 of which were unpublished), covering novels, films, music, philosophy and other fields.
Xiaoyu himself wrote: "According to the feedback from people in the industry, this speed is quite impressive. I don't know how much my own efforts and God's blessings are in it." He felt that since God gave him this ability, he had to hurry forward.
Xiaoyu felt that he was "not a genius, but a 'painter'".
Translation is like drawing, the closer the drawing, the better.
The translation fee is not high.
He once told his father that suffering is suffering and there is a lot of fun.
"If I don't get sick, I may waste my time. I'll do this well, and you shouldn't be too sad for me."
In these more than 6 million words, he built a world that belongs to many people.
He lives every scene in it.
He almost never expresses himself, but he sings, dances and laughs in this huge world of words.
Without the tightness and restraint of the body, it is a place to stretch freely.
"The car doesn't fall, just push it"
About a month ago, Xiaoyu was discharged home.
Jin Xingyong only dared to tell the news of his mother's death when he approached his home.
The 50-year-old Jin Xiaoyu hugged his father and burst into tears - an intense emotional expression that he rarely shows when he is not sick.
Often, he looks deadpan, perhaps a side effect of years of mood-stabilizing medication.
He picked up a pen and recalled the past with his mother on paper: "My mother planned my translation career to a large extent. In flashback, she communicated with Professor Lu, who stayed at the school to teach through the alumni association, and then communicated with Professor Lu through the alumni association. The basketball friend of Professor Lu's son-in-law, and also the publisher, Mr. Yang, got me the first chance to try translation."
Her mother, Cao Meizao, was not only a top student back then, but also trained her eldest son to be admitted to Fudan University, and the eldest son settled in Australia after that.
Only the youngest son Xiaoyu has become the deepest concern of the couple.
Cao Meizao is very strict with Xiaoyu. According to Xiaoyu, "she has turned the track (for me) at several key links in my life."
In elementary school, she asked Xiaoyu to transfer to a better school. When he grew up, Xiaoyu wanted to study history, but she wanted him to study international trade, and she tried her best to make him cheerful.
Xiaoyu is very concerned about her mother's words, but she is at a loss.
"After she got sick, her control over me weakened." Xiaoyu said, in a tone of relief or regret.
The books Xiaoyu translated were stacked on a wooden board in the living room.
Under this board is the sewing machine that my mother used when she was alive.
This sewing machine is another "precious" item that Xiaoyu never touched when he "lost control".
The sound of my mother stepping on the pedal of the sewing machine was like a lullaby.
Xiaoyu wears clothes made by her mother, and feels warm in the four seasons, Xiaoyu does not smash it...
Cao Meizao has been "demented" for three years, and Xiaoyu has never lost his temper with her.
Grocery shopping, washing my face, taking a bowel movement every two hours, and getting in and out of bed with my mother.
He remembered the goodness of his mother.
When Xiaoyu came back from the hospital and wanted to "take care of her mother like a child", she left unconsciously.
Xiaoyu remembers that her mother often said, "Just push the car if it doesn't fall down".
"Do you know what that means?" he asked me, and then gave the answer himself "even if I'm sick, I'm going to be pushed out, and I can't stay at home all the time."
This is the belief she lives by.
Xiaoyu's car didn't fall, so he had to keep pushing forward.
we are not separated
Jin Xingyong made some comments on the sample book of Benjamin Letters.
In addition to checking the text, he also told the editor about the idea of the binding design and the size of the format.
"My father is very patient and has played a lot of roles in my life. He helped me connect with the editor of the publishing house, served as an assistant for me, and used to proofread for me, making changes very carefully."
Jin Xingyong also likes to read, especially Turgenev.
After graduating from university in 1967, he was assigned to Tianjin Pharmaceutical Research Institute to do research, and then transferred to Hangzhou Minsheng Pharmaceutical Factory (now Hangzhou Minsheng Pharmaceutical Co., Ltd.), where he acted conscientiously and meticulously. , and still doing product evaluation and data work after retirement.
Every morning, Jin Xingyong didn't dare to get up too early, he was afraid of disturbing Xiaoyu's sleep.
There was no TV in the living room, not only because Xiaoyu had broken three TVs, but also because he was worried that he would disturb Xiaoyu's translation.
The community secretary said that every time Xiaoyu fell ill and injured someone, a trembling old man would always appear and tell the other party, "This is my son, he is ill, and I will pay for the loss."
The media reports suddenly brought great attention to the father and son. A caring team wanted to provide services for the elderly, but Jin Xingyong declined, "Thank you, I have a monthly pass, and I'm used to taking the bus."
In the face of material help, Jin Xingyong always replied: "I have enough to eat and drink, and my heart needs to be satisfied. I am not that difficult, and I am not very good at asking others for help. This makes me feel more comfortable, thank you from all walks of life."
"I'm always restless in my heart, I always feel that I'm at a disadvantage, I'm going to make mistakes, and it's very dangerous." He always maintained the dignity of an intellectual, gentle, calm, and tenacious.
The father and son supported each other and "depended on each other for life", and the relationship became more and more intimate.
At the screening of Andrei Tarkovsky's film in Hangzhou, Xiaoyu said, "Dad, let's watch it together when you have time", and Jin Xingyong said, "I will watch it with you, although I may not understand it."
Jin Xingyong's recent happiness is that the Hangzhou Disabled Persons' Care Center promised to let him and his son live together.
"We are not separated," Jin Xingyong choked, "I want to hurry up and spend time with my son."
Xiaoyu hopes to finish the translation of his second Benjamin book, The Arcade Project, before his father turns 88, and then takes a break from work to start learning Spanish.
"I'm not a genius, I need to work hard." Jin Xiaoyu said.
I asked Jin Xingyong, "What is love?" He said, "Love is the most precious thing."
In the film "A Beautiful Mind", John Nash said in his Nobel Prize acknowledgement speech: "With the support of love, I was able to find the logic of life and the reason for life."
In this "support of love", there is tenderness, care and respect, so that "Jin Xiaoyu" can protect their "beautiful hearts".
(Reporter Zheng Mengyu)