If only I had hired Marianne and not Matthias. If only I had chosen the other job. “Remorse is a deeply human phenomenon. And one of the most common negative emotions, as research shows,” says US bestselling author Daniel Pink. We regret mistakes, wrong decisions, opportunities that we didn't take advantage of. “Most of the time we try to ignore feelings of regret,” says Pink. “Or we wallow in it. I am convinced that regret can have a transformative power when we deal with this emotion. This is particularly true for managers.”

To date, Pink has surveyed more than 26,000 people worldwide for his latest project. He found the same patterns in all 109 countries. Five things leaders and managers should know about regret:

1. Regret makes us better.

“Studies show that regret can improve our performance,” says Pink. For example, research teams asked managers after a negotiation what they regretted. Those who agreed to this achieved better results in the next negotiation. The same effect occurred when solving problems. “Leaders who think and talk about their regrets are better strategists,” says Pink.

2. Regret is a compass.

Because regret is often associated with feelings of shame, sadness, or anger, we tend to push our regret away. Pink describes regret as a “photographic negative of a good life,” combined with the chance to discover one’s own values ​​and desires. Ask yourself why you regret something: What value could be behind it and how could you live this in your everyday life? Maybe you're upset that you dropped out of law school because you care about justice. Once you realize this, you could incorporate justice into your life in many ways, such as serving as a mediator or adjudicator.

3. Regret connects.

When we regret something, we often think we are the only person who feels that way. “In fact, I will find every mistake and every form of regret in our database,” says Pink. “Remorse is universal, the high level of agreement surprised me.” He found the same patterns in Germany, the United States, China and Malaysia. “We make prediction errors all the time when it comes to regret. We think the other side wouldn’t care about our call or our sincere apology,” Pink says. “People are almost always interested.”

4. We regret what we don't do.

Many participants in Pink's survey regretted not investing more time in good relationships with friends and family. Others regretted moral misconduct, such as bullying in the office. Very often, missed opportunities were a reason to look back with a heavy heart. “We regret inaction much more than what we do,” says Pink. The older the participants in his study were, the stronger this effect was.

more on the subject

  • Best-selling author Daniel Pink on returning to the office: "The home office was a huge experiment in trust." The interview was conducted by Antonia Götsch and Ingmar Höhmann

  • Error Culture:The Most Valuable Lesson of My LifeBy Sonika Bakshi

5. Have compassion.

“When we make a mistake, the way we talk to ourselves is often brutal,” says Pink. “We think this devastating self-criticism increases our performance. But it doesn’t.” In fact, studies show that self-compassion improves performance. Treat yourself with kindness instead of contempt. This way you are more likely to learn from your mistakes.

You can hear how you can take action and talk to your team about this difficult feeling in the podcast “Because of good leadership” with Daniel Pink.

In “Because of good leadership – the honest leadership podcast,” Antonia Götsch, editor-in-chief of Harvard Business Manager, speaks every two weeks with guests from business, science and sport about leadership, strategy and management. “Because of Good Leadership” appears fortnightly here as well as on Spotify and Apple in the podcast.