Don't get upset now, dear e-bikers who consider yourself to be athletes.

Light up an e-cigarette and stay calm.

Everything will be fine.

The next lines are not meant like that either, not quite like that, just almost.

Where do I begin?

With Jean-Pierre Verdy, an older man who used to be the head of the French anti-doping agency.

In order to be in the newspaper again, Monsieur has now explained to Le Parisien why Lance Armstrong has won the Tour de France seven times.

Because of EPO, you say?

Because of doping?

No, says Monsieur, and he has a good argument: otherwise everyone would have won the Tour de France.

They were all doped, including Ullrich, who, after his crash, is now back to private cycling like the devil and, in the process, cranking some professionals briefly.

The fact that Armstrong himself left him, the force of nature, behind without ever shedding a drop of sweat, says Monsieur, was due to the fact that he drove with a hidden motor in the frame when necessary.

EPO in the blood and nuclear power in the tank - that would explain a lot.

Monsieur has no evidence, the doping hunters don't have it.

But I do find the theory interesting.

Lance, the king of e-bikers? The god of those who pretend to be athletes? Pretend that they are actually cycling with their chic jerseys and cycling shoes, their streamlined helmets and glasses, their drinking bottles and energy gels. On the road, in the forest, faster and faster, especially uphill. And never sweat because, well, because the bike you're sitting on isn't a bike, it's a moped with pedals.

That doesn't go down well everywhere now, I know.

But it's the other way around.

Anyone who does without EPO and even green electricity when pedaling in a sporty way feels like Ullrich back then.

Lance, the guy with the batteries - if he had them, monsieur - hums past relaxed.

It is like that everywhere today.

In the forest, on the mountains, on the road.

You no longer have to hide the motor that sends the pedals into orbit, as it did in the past.

A filigree racing bike weighs around seven kilograms, a monster SUV with a 600 watt motor, which is called an e-bike, weighs four times as much, an elephant on wheels.

Soon the first bobby car will be electric and then the complete human.

Worse still: soon nobody will know what a bike is anymore.

And who is to blame?

Lance Armstrong.