I woke up alone this morning. This is rather unusual. And not because I expected my wife to be next to me. We've had separate beds for a while now. But because our son often lies next to me in the morning. Or half on me. I would also like to have his cold feet in my face. In the evening we put him in his very nice and cozy bed in his very nice and cozy room. My wife and I share the evening routine. One day she reads, the next I read. He now reads a few pages every evening. Then we cuddle a bit, turn on a radio play (currently all parts of the Sams books - every evening - always from the beginning) and wish him a good night.
Our son is a good sleeper. He actually always was. My wife says that she still remembers with horror the many nights he was awake when he was very small. But I remember it differently. And not because I always slept through the night and had to keep her awake alone. I have already written here that our son is a bottle baby. (I wasn't prepared for the many letters I received on the subject; we made a separate article out of it.) This meant that we could always share the feeding. Also at night.
Nevertheless, it must have been a very stressful time for my wife. They probably lost sleep over their maternal instincts. Men and women sleep very differently. And not being able to sleep is very, very bad for your health. From where I know this? From the current SPIEGEL cover story, which was written by a team led by my colleagues Jule Lutteroth and Veronika Hackenbroch. The problem is serious, and it is big. The good news: Scientists are increasingly understanding the causes of sleep disorders, so there are increasingly better ways to treat them. You can read everything you need to know about it here.
But I was actually aware of the situation at home: our son falls asleep quietly in his bed. Sometimes faster, sometimes a little less fast. But at some point during the night he feels the impulse to pad down the hall and sneak into my bed. If this happens so early that I'm not even there yet because, as a real owl, I like to sit on the sofa or in front of the computer a little longer at night, he whines and calls me to bed. But he usually only lies down next to me when I'm already sound asleep. Normally I don't even notice that it's there. Sometimes it gives me headbutts (I notice) or pushes itself so close to me that I back away and almost fall out of bed. Then I grab it and put it far enough away so that I have enough space and just go back to sleep.
During the week I usually wake up before him - because I hear the alarm clock while he ignores it. On the weekends, when my alarm goes off, he reliably wakes up before me and reminds me to start the day with him. These are the moments when I long for his puberty. Not just because he won't crawl into bed with me anymore. But also and above all because teenagers sleep differently than small children. How nice it will be when he and I sleep in separate rooms on weekends, while my wife - a committed lark - has the house to herself all morning.
How is it for you? Do your children also come to you at night? Do you even have a family bed where everyone falls asleep together? Or is that a clear taboo? Feel free to write it to me at familie@spiegel.de.
My reading tips
Of course, the topic of sleep has been on our minds at SPIEGEL for a long time and again. We have a lot of exciting items on offer. My colleague Veronika Silberg, for example, investigated the phenomenon of so-called “sleep procrastination”. You're probably familiar with this: you're already lying in bed, wanting to and actually needing to sleep for a long time, but then you get stuck reading - in a good book or on social media. You can find out why this is the case and what you can do about it in this article.
Another exciting topic is the connection between eating and sleeping. For example, my wife still needs a few carbs before she goes to bed. Otherwise she will wake up from hunger at some point. I always thought that you should eat light and low-carb meals in the evening. My colleague Nina Weber spoke to the chef and nutritionist Anna van der Felden about the topic. “Diet can contribute to good or bad sleep,” says van der Felden, explaining, among other things, whether good old warm milk with honey really helps. You can find the entire interview here.
What the Swiss chronobiologist Christian Cajochen has to say about sleep disorders is also interesting. He explained to my colleague Jule Lutteroth how the internal clock works and why light is so important for our sleep. If you want to know whether there are sleep aids that are really any good, then I recommend this article, for which my colleague Veronika Silberg tested various products from noise speakers to weighted blankets. In this interview, sleep doctor Christoph Nissen explained to my colleague Julian Aé why more and more doctors are advising against taking medication to help them relax at night.
And if you want to know why we are all so tired at the moment, then I recommend this article by my colleague Veronika Hackenbroch.
The Last Judgement
One thing I learned about sleep: Alcohol is not the solution in this case either. That's why I can only recommend the eggnog recipe from our cooking columnist Verena Lugert to a limited extent. But it's not for the whole family anyway. How about a Finnish specialty instead? Karelian pierogi, for example. Verena writes that they are "hard and soft, slightly sweet, slightly salty, light and dark: a baked good like life." What more do you want?
Verena's entire recipe archive can be found here.
My moment
A few weeks ago I wrote here about the fact that my son is now learning to play the piano. By the way, he is still involved with enthusiasm and passion. From “Little Little Hans” and “Hansel and Gretel” he has now arrived at “Ode to Joy” via “River Flows in You”. And because I'm now rediscovering my knowledge and fun from more than 30 years ago, we're also trying out “Entertainer” together.
The topic of music obviously affects many of you too. Here is a letter from a reader about her family's experiences.
»In my husband’s family, educated, academic and classically inclined, piano lessons were initially “part of the deal”; What's left is a deep aversion to classical music in my husband, but paired with a lifelong joy in rock and blues in all shades, including Zappa as a favorite. Singing and dancing are not possible. Whether these are still the remnants of youthful rebellion and resistance or simply a lack of 'musicality', no one can know. The sisters, on the other hand, at least like to sing and have no problem with classical music. But no one needs a piano.
For me it was more relaxed, after the usual early education I had ten years of piano lessons with mediocre talent and little ambition, and I also found the parallel development of rock and pop more interesting (my heroes: Barry Ryan at 12, Deep Purple at 13, then extremely eclectic with Sting as the tip). Unfortunately, the piano has been reduced to furniture and plans to revive it remain vague. What remained with me was my musical education, choral singing at a good level, and the joy of listening.
Our sons, who have always been surrounded by a lot of music, continue this diversity of musical development: one is a typical consumer of his favorite bands, we gave away the guitars from early lessons; the other, who as a toddler used drumsticks to test the sound of all sorts of surfaces or fell asleep listening to Hendrix on a cassette recorder, lives a combination of precise listening and making his own music alongside his job.
Conclusion: It's nice to offer music lessons to the children, but not to burden them with expectations. If the family listens to a lot of different music, every child can develop in the way that suits them best.«
Have a nice weekend!
Kind regards,
Malte Müller-Michaelis