Taking up your own space.. How do you maintain a close relationship with your parents?

Highlights: Many adults fail to successfully move through the process of separation and individuation, and end up either completely disconnected or deeply involved with their parents well into adulthood. This may happen if parents did not provide an adequate and secure base in childhood in the first place. If your interactions with your parents always make you feel exhausted or tired, here are some tips for how to deal with them, according to a report published by the Psych Central website. The following eight tips can help you go through this process to a smoothly.

Maintaining healthy communication and close relationships with your parents is a challenge in adulthood. You will likely have difficulty setting boundaries and knowing when to be open or reserved and secretive and when you can expect to loosen up on both.

If things get too difficult, it's natural to turn to your parents for comfort, support and guidance (Getty)

Maintaining healthy communication and close relationships with your parents can be a challenge in adulthood. You will likely have difficulty setting boundaries and knowing when to be open or reserved and secretive and when you can expect them to be relaxed or vice versa.

In his report published by the American magazine "Psychology Today", writer Hal Shoray said that this is a common problem among many adults from their late twenties to their sixties, and much of it is related to the normal process of separation and isolation and how to apply the "safe rule" for attachment.

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But many fail to successfully move through the process of separation and individuation, and end up either completely disconnected or deeply involved with their parents well into adulthood. This may happen if parents did not provide an adequate and secure base in childhood in the first place. If they are intrusive and do not respect the child's boundaries, need for privacy, and own feelings, the child will never learn to self-soothe or solve problems independently.

As an adult who has gone through this process of separation and individuation, you will primarily turn to your partner or friends as a safe base. But if things get too difficult, it's natural to turn to your parents for comfort, support, and guidance.

Many adults continue to use their parents as a primary secure base (Shutterstock)

Parents as a basic secure base

According to the author, adults who continue to use their parents as a primary secure base tend to:

Share details of their lives that might be better kept private.
Inform their parents about their fears and doubts.
Present their future ideas to parents.
Expressing their confusion and lack of confidence in making important decisions.

Mistakes made in good faith

Parents may, in good faith, make judgments about their adult child's lifestyle choices, or view them as sentimental. Adult children certainly do not welcome these behaviors on the part of their parents.

If you want to share your life with your parents without the above-mentioned risks, tell them that you want to share your life's journey with them, that you want to have support and comfort, but that you do not want them to interfere in or change your life decisions.

Tips on how to deal with your parents

If your interactions with your parents always make you feel exhausted or tired, here are some tips for how to deal with them, according to a report published by the Psych Central website, including:

Set and enforce boundaries:
Boundaries help set clear expectations, and you may feel uncomfortable setting boundaries and telling them how you want to be treated. But remember, boundaries are essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Therefore, it is okay to limit contact with your parents, tell them “no,” come late, or leave early.
Don't try to change them:
Trying to change people who don't want to change can make you frustrated and exhausted. Instead, focus on what you can control, such as how you respond to your parents, your choices, and your behavior.
Be careful what you share with them:
You don't have to tell them everything (or anything) that's going on in your life or answer their questions. Consider only sharing what feels comfortable and safe for you.

Set your boundaries with your parents within a framework of gratitude and appreciation and your desire to provide comfort for them (Shutterstock)

How do you set boundaries with your parents?

Often times, overly involved parents come from a good place (although that doesn't make it okay). On the other hand, when parents repeatedly exceed your boundaries, are toxic, or completely ignore them, this may indicate an unhealthy situation.

This can cause you stress and emotional distress. If you feel that setting boundaries with your parents is difficult to implement, the following eight tips can help you go through this process smoothly, according to a report published by the “Healthline” website, which are:

Find out what ideas and advice are on their mind, you may benefit from them.

Frame your boundaries with gratitude and appreciation for them, and your desire to provide comfort and kindness to them.

Confront issues directly.

Be clear and specific about what you want to tell them and what you want from them.

Find a compromise between what you want and what they want, to bring your views closer.

Remember that boundaries are healthy for everyone involved, for you and your parents as well.

Know when to take up some of your space.

Work with a professional outside the family if you need specific advice.

Source: Al Jazeera + websites