March 16, 2020 was a Monday.
It was the day of the first Corona lockdown in Hamburg.
Schools and daycare centers closed or simply did not reopen immediately after the Hamburg ski holidays.
And no one had any idea what was in store for us.
You don't even want to think about it.
Except for one thing, I think about it all the time.
And really like it.
My three sons were six and two years old when the corona pandemic hit us.
The little one (actually) attended the crèche at our daycare, the twins were in the preschool group.
But suddenly they and we parents have to spend 24 hours a day at home: mom and dad with their home office jobs and the children with lots of energy in their short legs and a thousand questions in their heads.
I had a lot to do on work these days - and at the same time I had to explain a completely unknown illness to the children with all the unforeseen consequences, buy groceries and cook meals, tidy the rooms in between, do laundry and much more.
Friends once sent me photos of the Pinterest-worthy crafts they were making at home with their kids.
And I asked myself, completely annoyed: Seriously?
Do I have to do crafts now?
This made me realize how much the situation was weighing on me after just a few days.
more on the subject
Game researcher gives tips: "The situation is also a huge opportunity for families" An interview by Julia Stanek
I asked around a bit among experts and then picked up the phone.
I called the psychologist and educator André Zimpel from the University of Hamburg.
He is a professor specializing in learning and development and has been researching play for years.
Here is a short excerpt from the interview.
SPIEGEL:
Many parents fear now more than ever that they won't do justice to anyone - neither the children nor the boss.
When and how should you entertain your children when you spend many hours a day sitting in front of the computer?
André Zimpel:
You don't have to entertain your children at all.
Just let them play.
Nothing can be better for their cognitive development than free play.
This refers to actions that are carried out just for the sake of doing them.
Playing means doing things that bring immediate joy.
I am still grateful to Mr. Zimpel for this answer.
She often encouraged me to let go in the four years after the first lockdown.
To let the children do it, to simply leave them to their boredom.
Boredom is stressful for the brain, Zimpel explained to me.
And they constantly need food in order to be able to work well.
»When boredom arises or threatens, every child becomes active and looks for something to do.
Children have the wonderful gift of being able to focus exclusively on things that neither overwhelm nor underwhelm them.
This is how they develop.
If you just let them.”
I learned a lot in the interview back then.
And I have actually often observed how my children feel a flow when I leave them alone.
If they are allowed to pay attention to the things that interest them at a certain moment: regardless of whether they are Schliech, Lego or Playmobil figures that are spread out from one corner of the room to the opposite.
Or whether it is fictional roles that they slip into.
Then they were (or are) always particularly far away from what we call everyday life.
Do you remember how you survived the lockdowns?
What did you take with you from this time?
Please feel free to write to us at Familie@spiegel.de
When we went to a holiday home in Denmark last summer for a coolcation, the children disappeared into our Airbnb landlord's shed after breakfast and brought out straw hats, buckets, shovels, baskets and long ropes.
They spent hours building a course for snails.
There were more than enough of them in the garden and the children loved watching the slippery animals.
When one of the snails (voluntarily!) crawled into a bucket or onto another obstacle, they cheered.
And so do I (from a safe distance) inside.
My reading tips
Logo, that doesn't always work.
And even back then, in 2020, this worked primarily with preschoolers and not so much with two-year-olds.
When it comes to game dynamics, in some Corona moments we probably had an easier time with three children than families with one child.
Just as clear: We often had problems during the lockdowns. It would be a lie if I wrote here: Times were easy and our children never argue.
more on the subject
Tips for parents when children argue: "Beware of taking on the role of referee" An interview by Eva Lehnen
Consequences of the pandemic: 73 percent of all minors are still psychologically stressed by Corona
Even though our family was fortunately spared from strokes of fate, medical emergencies or consequences such as Long Covid, I would have liked to have spared our children (and myself) a lot.
Sure, the playgrounds cordoned off with red and white tape were a painful symbol.
What made me feel worse was that my twins started first grade in the summer of 2020 - and at times were primary school students under very worrying circumstances.
It was a difficult time for many - not just for families, but often especially for them.
more on the subject
The Corona school disaster: "How should you paint when you cry?" The parent column by Markus Deggerich
Chronicle:Privilege shoppingText and photos by Markus Deggerich
“I know of parents who sit at home in the evenings and don’t know what to do,” my colleague Markus Deggerich once wrote about the Corona school disaster.
»I know of teachers who are burnt out and looking for job alternatives.
I know of teenagers who see their dealer more often than their math teacher.
I know of an eleven-year-old who broke down crying at school because the art teacher criticized him for an odd line.
And I know of one of the little guy's classmates who bravely explained to the teacher who asked the boy to keep painting instead of crying: 'How are you supposed to paint when you're crying?'"
In a very personal chronicle, Markus described how he experienced the beginning of the pandemic himself and how it affected his blended family.
In it: homeschooling, the toilet paper crisis and dozens of rounds of the popular board game “Orchard”.
What he really admired the children for, Markus wrote: "The endless repetition doesn't bother them, they continue to be enthusiastic." He, on the other hand, urgently needs other "input."
So he secretly changed the rules: whoever rolled the “basket” didn’t have a free choice, but was allowed to put two pieces of fruit in their basket.
His nasty plan: “The game will be over quicker this way.”
Corona was a constant topic in the columns of my SPIEGEL colleagues for years (here or here or here).
In a final government report on the consequences of the pandemic last year, the frightening result came out: 73 percent of all minors were still psychologically stressed by Corona.
The Last Judgement
And where is the positive?
SPIEGEL.de has Verena Lugert's stories to thank for the pandemic.
In mid-April 2020, she started her cooking column Nervous Food, in which she often talks about moments of culinary enjoyment around the world.
Here you will find her first recipes, which always began like this during the lockdown times: “The daycare center is closed, the canteen is closed.
There's only one thing to do: cook yourself.
But please do it quickly and easily.
The chef Verena Lugert shows how it's done. Her most recent dish: a lentil and walnut bolognese.
My moment
When I saw a video earlier this week of Canadian actor Ryan Gosling performing the song "I'm Just Ken" from the film "Barbie" at the Oscars along with dozens of dancing men, I had to email a reader think.
It was a reaction to my previous newsletter, which, among other things, was about carnival costumes.
»My son wanted to go as Barbie. Pretty cool. However, he still has to go to school with the same children for another six years.
The times are over! He went as Barbie. Borrowed a pink dress from his girlfriend, a blonde wig from his friend and had a lot of fun dressing up.
I'm bursting with pride that he doesn't care what the herd says about him. Yes, it is of course easier to adopt this attitude in a cosmopolitan city like Hamburg, in a district characterized by prosperity, than anywhere else. I also wondered where my tolerance for what the child wears to school ends. Obviously not with the pink dress. But sweatpants and football jersey every day? Wouldn’t work for me!”
Michaela N. from Hamburg
Kind regards,
Julia Stanek