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Street scene in Munich-Schwabing: Hardly any other type of car is currently demonized more than the sport utility vehicle (SUV)
Photo: Wolfgang Maria Weber / IMAGO
City tank! Killer vehicles! Monster SUV! They pollute the air, block city centers, endanger children and waste energy. They probably even kill kittens. Hardly any other type of car is currently demonized more than the sport utility vehicle.
In Germany, climate activists are letting the air out of the tires of city SUVs. In Paris, parking for heavier cars is set to become significantly more expensive. A measure that Tübingen's mayor Boris Palmer has long since implemented. Zealousness beats the Eiffel Tower. While Hanover's green city hall boss is also considering higher parking fees, left-wing leader Janine Wissler is already thinking about bans. In the middle of the week it demanded a maximum weight of two tonnes for new cars. The German Environmental Aid also says: “The megalomania in SUVs must be stopped.”
This is going too far for me. I am deeply grateful that SUVs exist. They are steering the fury of the do-gooders away from the vehicle that is parked below me in the underground car park: a Tesla Model 3. Strictly speaking, I should be more ashamed of this electric car than any owner of a flashy gas guzzler.
After all, it comes from Elon Musk's workshop. A man whose megalomania no one can stop. This week it became known that he was financially supporting a “Star Wars” actress who was accused of trivializing the Holocaust. Possibly with money that I and the many other e-car buyers brought in for him. It's actually a miracle that the white paint of my Tesla hasn't been scratched by a bunch of keys and no bike rebels have tampered with the valve caps at night. It's probably because they have enough to do with SUVs.
In my defense, when I bought the Model 3 about two years ago, I thought I was on the good side of power. Then Musk began transforming into a real-life Darth Vader. Under his leadership, Twitter has degenerated into a kind of Death Star of the communications age. At the Tesla Gigafactory in Brandenburg, little emphasis is placed on environmental or occupational safety. Actually, I should do what SAP did with its Tesla company cars: get rid of them and sell them.
Because of the large battery, a Tesla Model 3 is as heavy as a combustion SUV; the car is likely to be just as dangerous in traffic because children, cyclists and pedestrians can hardly hear it. And by the way, it also causes “emissions”. This is the name of the function in the Tesla on-board computer that allows you to make the car fart via the outside loudspeaker.
If you park next to an SUV in downtown Munich, sit down in a café opposite and let the Tesla make flatulence noises via the app: which car will those walking past look at with contempt? Exactly, the SUV.
The enemy image is not necessarily fair. But perfect.