Hugh Hefner's widow talks about her relationship with the Playboy mogul: 'When we were doing it, he would look in the mirror on the ceiling, not into my eyes'

She lost herself during her marriage, claims

(37), the third wife and widow of billionaire Playboy editor

, who passed away from sepsis in 2017 at the age of 91. The former

bunny wants to set the record straight about her relationship with the founder of the adult magazine in her recently published autobiography,

. In one excerpt, she claims that on the ceiling of their bedroom, "there was a large mirror, and while in bed, on top of him, having sex with Hugh for the first time, not once did he look into my eyes. He looked up, observing what was happening in the mirror."

During their five-year marriage, she enjoyed luxuries and forbidden nights in one of the most expensive mansions in Los Angeles, which was sold for $100 million shortly before Hefner's death, representing a 50% discount for the buyer from the original price. In the 1,860-square-meter property with 29 bedrooms, a private zoo, and a guest house, the most infamous and debauched sexual parties, known as

, took place, featuring attendees like Jack Nicholson,

, the Rolling Stones, or

.

MOLD IN THE PLAYBOY MANSION

Crystal goes on to reveal that the mansion was not well-maintained. There was mold on many walls, it was not thoroughly cleaned, many of the objects were broken or worn out and some of the animals were depressed due to the lack of care, such as the birds, which were not even given water. The former Playboy bunny wants to rid herself of all memories of ella since ella leaving the residence after her husband's death.

Her first priority is to reclaim her maiden name (

) because she believes Hefner is

, and secondly, she is convincing herself that "I was never in love" and that the only purpose she served was to assist him in his later years, realizing "I was dealing with a really big power imbalance." Now, everything is remembered as a nightmare. In 2008, she moved into the mansion because Hefner chose her as his favorite among all his girls, and since then, she felt isolated in what she often describes as a

Despite her husband making her promise to only speak well of him once he has passed away, Crystal has decided that it is time to reveal the real face of the man who made millions of men dream about those perfect bodies. She claims he was a manipulative being: "I feel like he brainwashed me," controlling the schedules of his girls and giving them a

for the aesthetic care he dictated.

It even seriously affected her because, as a brunette, Hefner insisted on wanting her blonde in the purest

, who appeared in the first issue of Playboy in December 1953 for $50. Today, that issue is one of the most coveted items for collectors.

"To dye it, I had to bleach it first, and that burned my scalp. I got blisters. For some reason, I thought all of this was normal, and that's what it meant to be seen as beautiful in Hef's eyes," says Crystal. Upon becoming a widow,

, which is reflected in a trust in her name.