The biggest reason for disagreement. Here are the most prominent solutions to avoid the breakdown of marriage due to money

Starting from the engagement and even before the consummation of the marriage, many of the couples who are about to get married disagree on financial matters, and we do not stop hearing the news of the separation of some of the couple, perhaps one hour before the marriage contract. The reasons behind this are often material, such as: disagreement over the dowry, the backside, or who participates in what in joint life, and the marital home.

After marriage, it does not stop at that, as financial problems and disputes over spending occupy the couple's daily lives, and may lead to separation as well.

First fight

Although there are other important issues that cause disagreements between couples – such as spending time together, children's responsibility, participating in household chores, etc. – disagreement over spending policy in the family remains the top fight.

Money is one of the main reasons for divorce between couples in the United States, for example. It is estimated that financial problems contribute to 20% to 40% of divorces. This means that out of every 10 marriages that end in divorce, 4 are due to money.

According to the British newspaper "The Independent", financial concerns top the list of reasons that lead to the separation of married couples in Britain, after a poll conducted by the law firm "Slater and Gordon", which included more than 2000,5 British adults, where one in <> participants in the study said, that money is the biggest cause of marital disputes.

The biggest problem is when both spouses work and differ on the percentage of their contribution to household expenditure (Pixels).

How does money cause all these problems?

There are a number of ways in which money can cause relationship problems, one or both spouses may have trouble spending, and difficulties living within their means.

Another "scenario" may include not having enough income to pay for necessities. In other cases, one spouse may hide financial problems from the other. The biggest problem lies when both spouses work and each of them disagrees on the percentage of his contribution to family spending, a woman may refuse to participate and ask her husband as the first head of the family to spend all his money on monthly, weekly and daily needs, while she is interested in saving her money for herself, or only her personal needs.

Common causes

Megan McCoy, a licensed marriage and family therapist and director of the master's program in personal financial planning at Kansas State University, summarizes the common reasons why money is the number one quarrel between couples:

• Money is a taboo topic, financial topics can be so mysterious in our culture that we easily do not know how to deal with financial conversations, and the same applies to couples, and each of them may keep private financial secrets, and if discovered, it causes a lot of problems.
  Research by McCoy and her colleagues revealed that 90 percent of people who participated in the research did not talk to anyone about money for an entire year. For example, you can ask a complete stranger about anything in their life, but you don't dare ask them about their salary or bank account.
• When it comes to money, arguing with your partner is very different from other types of fights, quarrels over money tend to get hotter faster, and more protracted in terms of time needed to solve the problem compared to other issues.
  McCoy says that often these problems end unresolved, moving stress to other areas of life. Because financial conflicts are so bad, children may see conflict and create bad financial beliefs by watching things develop between their parents.
• The attraction of opposites, one of the strange phenomena in life, in this case we find that profligate people can be emotionally attracted to savers and vice versa. Spenders tend to be attracted to a responsible and conscious spender, and savers can be attracted to a fun-filled and carefree spender, but over time not every one of them is able to understand and accept their partner's behavior.

Often marital disputes over money end without a solution (Shutterstock)

• Spending culture, each of us has a different financial culture that influences our behavior. This includes the range of beliefs, perceptions and attitudes we have about money and how it is spent. It is shaped by our own experiences about money, what we have seen from how our family deals with money, and cultural and societal expectations.
• Money is a finite resource, spouses are more likely to quarrel over money because it is a finite resource.
• Ironically, while money can create a lot of tension in the marital relationship and lead to separation, couples tend to downplay the importance of financial disputes, believing that money is not important, and will not be a big problem, while the opposite is true.

Access the solution

To avoid quarrels over money and ways of spending, the differences between men and women in spending must first be recognized. Couples should also establish basic rules for how to spend money and save or invest it.

The couple should be aware of how much each party contributes to the family budget and solve the problems first-hand. It may also help to distribute financial responsibilities and set clear budgets for each item of expenditure in the family.

Of course, there are some things in dispute between spouses, but each can overlook a little about what they want to achieve. The husband may overlook some of the excess spending by his wife, while the wife should not overburden her husband with requests so that he does not feel that he is the bank that has to fulfill her requests, which makes it worse.