After the end of Sunday's mass, Priest Don Riccardo Chicopelli stood up to address the congregation who had asked for forgiveness, and his frank announcement came as a shock to those present. This man, who dedicated his life to serving the Lord, now finds himself having to finish all his old projects. The reason is a love relationship that brought him together with a woman who turned his life and his being and scattered his papers, and the Italian priest spoke about that love story, saying: "I cannot be a person other than that person who I was, to be straight and consistent with myself, I was like this and I will remain, but today I want to say that my heart is in love, and I want to live this love, and I want to live it without deleting it from my life."
This announcement came after many suspicions swirled around "Don Ricciardo", as the Italian priest was seen according to the Italian newspaper "Corriere della Sera" more than once with a woman living in the same area. The man fell in love, and the tours he made with his beloved testified to their love story, so the resignation from the church came as the only solution, and his direct boss confirmed the understanding of his decision as he took it in complete freedom, wishing him peace and tranquility in his new life. The story sounds rather beautiful, or safe if we choose more precise terms, because the story of Don Ricciardo's withdrawal is not usual, but is in fact an exception among many similar stories within the church, which begins with love and ends with tragedy.
Reverend Father Riccardo Ceccobelli, 42, revealed on Sunday, April 11, inside the San Felice church in Massa Martana, in Perugia, that he had fallen in love and wants to marry. pic.twitter.com/gFhJTA7uef
— @okrotesblog (@okrote4real) April 15, 2021
Forbidden from love or marriage
"If you have a beautiful wife or a beautiful daughter, never allow a cleric to enter your house."
A popular phrase that was widespread in the Middle Ages
It is a debate that never dies. Why don't Catholic priests get married? Why are they not allowed to take a wife and children while keeping their course in the service of the "Christian people"? The attempt to answer this question must start from an equally important question: Has preventing priests from marrying been the Church's position since time immemorial? The answer is "no". Centuries ago, priests lived an ordinary life in which they were allowed to marry and have children, as the Church welcomed without question the clergy who chose to form families to serve in its corridors, especially since the various Gospels that were in its hands never imposed celibacy.
Although there are no conclusive texts, everything changed in the eleventh century, starting with the era of Pope Nicholas II and then during the reign of Pope Gregory VII. In this period, the clergy tried to push the project of "sacred eternal marriage" that cannot be separated, and Christian scholars then tried to create two clear and distinct segments of human beings, the first includes the "laity" commoners who can marry and their marriage is sacred, and the second includes the clergy who do not marry and differ in their lifestyle from the rest of society, that is, they abandoned society and went to the world of the church dominated by the "Pope", and then the idea that priests "married to the church" appeared.
Over time, the marriage of the clergy became a major sin that prevented them from serving the church and ended any effect of the sacraments they carried, which the church confirmed in 1070, before the decision was issued to prohibit priests from living with any woman at all. Of course, these decisions did not have the support of all priests, even if some dioceses showed some support. For its part, the Church knew with certainty that what it asked of priests was incapacitating, and therefore closed its eyes to many practices that challenged its teachings, especially since 20% of visitors to brothels at the time were clergy. At the same time, due to the practices of some priests who were unable to abide by the celibacy imposed by the Church, the "secular" society (we mean secular and unrelated to the Church) began to view with contempt and cynicism what it considered to be the obvious "hypocrisy" of the clergy.
Years passed and the file of sexual relations of priests remained a taboo topic that was rarely opened to public discussion. But over time, it has become impossible to keep this secret, especially with the bleeding of clergy that the Catholic Church suffered for decades when priests left it to marry and move on to a secular life. With the beginning of the seventies of the twentieth century, the phenomenon of leaving the church service became more widespread among priests, and increased in the next five decades, while the causes of bleeding are intellectual, social and "sexual" according to many studies.
Many priests and nuns have entered into romantic relationships with their colleagues or with people outside the church, and these people find themselves facing a difficult choice after entering these relationships, so the solution is either to move away from the "lover" to continue serving in the church and deal with the matter as a passing whim, or to move forward in the relationship and confront the church and family alike, and then leave their previous lives in favor of a new secular life, in which they do not marry the church, but men and women of flesh and blood. Although this departure from the Church's teachings posed an important challenge to the Pope and those around him, its greatest danger was to the Church itself, especially given that one in two priests is involved in a relationship (illegitimate from the Church's perspective), which means that the problem will penetrate the ranks of the Church and threaten its human arsenal that serves its mission. These pressures have led the Church to deal firmly with the matter, as it has not always been an easy response to those who wish to leave it, but has often been harsh, deliberately closing all the doors from which it is possible to exit to secular life without losses.
The Wandering Journey
Church leavers find it very difficult to live a normal life, overwhelmed by a sense of abandonment. (Shutterstock)
The story always begins with a step in which the priest dedicates his life to the service of the Lord, and then years later the person discovers that life inside the corridors of the church was not suitable for him, or that he may not have been as strong as he imagined himself, and perhaps in the end he sought an ordinary life with simple religious commitments. However, this change does not happen overnight, nor does it happen without bitterness, as the priest who decides to leave his life with its daily church rites full of tasks is experiencing a radical change that affects him spiritually, socially and economically.
This is exactly what happened with the monk Marc Fassier, whose story was reported and told in detail by many French media outlets. The story of Mark, who served in the church for a decade and a half, began in 2018 with a kiss he received from Ingrid, a religious Christian who came to his church, and met her in 2016 when she came to baptize her fifth son from her previous marriage. Mark's meeting with Ingrid came to put him in confrontation with many of the ideas he was defending, including the idea of imposing singleness on priests, and Mark previously identified himself as a "happy priest, and a sad man", but the kiss completely changed his kiss, and made him move from "friendship" with Ingrid to "love", as the two parties agreed to move forward towards a common future, but a future that was quickly dominated by uncertainty.
By 2020, the relationship between the priest and his beloved has become more explicit than before, especially after Mark's immediate supervisor at the church received a letter from an anonymous sender detailing the relationship at length. Mark was quick to express transparently his desire to leave the church because of a love affair with a woman, but this time the bishop did not accept this news with patience, and rejected the priest's request to keep his job as a teacher at the Catholic Institute in the French capital, Paris, where he taught theology and ethics, and then finally expelled Mark in May 2021.
Mark found himself facing a difficult life after the church refused to help him get support, such as the right to unemployment compensation or the right to finance that would give him a new opportunity in the labor market. I wish this transition had happened more smoothly. It looked like an arbitrary expulsion. Not only are we abandoned and driven into an unknown world, we are treated as guilty." Despite major disagreements, the diocese eventually agreed to give a salary of 200,800 euros (about <> euros below the minimum wage), while the Catholic Institute continued to give its former teacher <> euros without commenting on his suspension. Church leaders, meanwhile, emphasize that respect is the way they approach priests' choices, even if their choice is to end their careers.
During this transitional period, priests endure great hardship, because what once connected them to the Church was not just a job, as in all the companies of the world, but a full life and deep and close human relations with the rest of their colleagues. Therefore, the abandoners of the church find it very difficult to live the normal life, as the feeling of abandonment overwhelms them, according to what the French channel "BFM" quoted in a report on the subject about a former priest who was pushed by the world after leaving the church to be a bus driver in search of earning a living. Not only do priests face abandonment by the Church, but their former fraternal relations with their fellows turn into clear hostility, with priests described as lost people who have abandoned Christ, and hell is the fate of women with whom they share their secular lives after the Church.
To homeopathy
Perhaps the Church sometimes prefers priests to have same-sex relationships rather than engage in relationships with women, because same-sex relationships do not produce children. (Shutterstock)
"I heard some pastors say that the blessing can be given to fire trucks, horses and animals, what can I do then? Don't I give blessing to someone like me in their relationship with their partner? This is the fatal guilt."
With these words, the German priest Wolfgang Schumacher explained the conversion of his faith from Catholicism to Protestantism after 17 years of service, the reason being his desire to declare his "homosexual" orientation, and his attachment to officially "marrying" the man he chose as his life partner, who is also a researcher in religious and doctrinal sciences. Homosexuality is one of the most prominent challenges facing churches in the world, especially after a number of Christian clergy insisted on declaring their sexual orientation in light of the strong support for homosexuality in general in most Western countries.
In the same context, the French newspaper "La Croix" published a letter written by a "gay" priest in which he tells his sexual and spiritual experience anonymously, and the priest said that over the seven years following his appointment as a priest, he reached the clear truth that came to him after discussions with one of his companions, which is that his sexual orientation is "lesbian" in one word. The homosexual priest then began a psychological journey with these tendencies, in light of their rejection within the corridors of the church. After a long internal debate, the priest decided to "live with his homosexuality, not fight it" by living in "the guilty garment of a bilge Christian, who does not see himself as better than the rest of the parish, enabling him to have a deeper understanding of wounded and outcasts," as he put it.
French writer Frédéric Martel tackles the problem of homosexuality within the Catholic Church in his controversial book Sodoma, in which he addresses the dual life of some clergy between their religious duties and sexual orientation. The writer's interest in homosexuality began in the church after he learned that "Father Louis", a priest close to him during his childhood, was gay, and died of suffering from HIV/AIDS, as he spent his last days on his deathbed as an outcast from the church, despite the vigilance of a group of nuns to serve him. In the pages of the book, Martel discusses the results of investigations he has carried out in more than 30 countries, during which he met with a large number of religious figures active inside and outside the Vatican, who highlighted the "hypocrisy" with which the Church treats homosexuality, as it fights it while condoning its spread among the clergy.
The controversial book "Sodoma" (i.e. sodomy) by the French writer Frédéric Martel discusses the problem of homosexuality within the Catholic Church. (Social Media)
Homosexuality gained considerable ground in Europe, which was reflected in the religious discourse of the churches themselves. In Germany, for example, priests decided to launch a campaign called "Love Wins," adopted by 110 churches to grant blessings and marry homosexuals, with participants seeing the campaign as "a direct message to Rome and the Vatican that only love can guide people." The move followed a move in which 2600,50 priests, theologians and some laity signed a petition condemning the Vatican's condemnation of homosexuality. In the same context, <> Italian priests published a letter condemning the "homophobia" of the Catholic Church, calling on it to reconsider the matter, which was picked up by a number of leftist newspapers that take it upon themselves to "fight" for normalization with homosexuality.
Although the Catholic Church's stated position is to reject these behaviors of priests, there are a number of reports that the Pope and elite Catholic officials usually close their eyes to these practices, voluntarily or involuntarily, and may even sometimes prefer that priests enter into same-sex relationships rather than engage in relationships with women. Although at first glance this seems illogical, it is a preference that has an obvious reason: same-sex relationships do not produce children.
Children of Silence
"At long last, my father acknowledged my existence, he confessed that I was his daughter, he mentioned it in his will after his death."
A lady of the sons of priests
The "Children of Silence" file has become too big to be hidden by silence. In France alone, 4000,<> priests' children were identified. (Shutterstock)
If some priests declare their love affair with women, and some of them leave ecclesial life following his heart and desire, a number of priests enter into "fleeting relationships", sometimes ending with children. The Church has worked to conceal this and has made redoubled efforts, in particular with priests who show remorse for what has been done and cling to their positions. The religious authorities enter into direct negotiations with their families, sometimes suggesting that mothers take care of the child who will actually live without a father. In other cases, children are sent to other families to adopt and raise them, some of whom discover the truth, and some who live without realizing that their real parents are not the ones who have been raising them all these years.
Over time, the "Children of Silence" file has become too big to be hidden by silence. In France alone, 4000,3000 priests' children were identified. In Germany, their number has reached 50,2019, while some statistics indicate that the number globally exceeds <>,<>. Therefore, the Catholic Church in France received the association "Children of Silence – Sons of Priests" in June <> in order to open the file and talk about the sticking points in it, including opening the archives of deceased parents for children so that they can get to know their biological parents closely. Acknowledging the existence of these children is the most important request made by the association after the Church spent many years denying it. French media quoted some members of the association who attended the meeting as saying that church officials were shocked by their stories, as they were not familiar with all the details.
This step came a few months after the Vatican announced a new trend explained by Cardinal Benjamin Stella in an interview with the Vatican News website, which is to push priests "fathers" to assume their responsibilities towards their children and focus on providing for their needs, which means leaving the religious position, which does not contradict the status quo, as a large percentage of requests for exemption from the position originally come from priests who found themselves responsible for newly formed families.
After many centuries of imposing compulsory celibacy, then, indicators began to reveal a relative change in the position of the Church after successive public discussions about the children of silence at times, the spread of homosexuality at times, and scandals of harassment of children and women at times, which was pointed out by the Pope of the Vatican, who described the marriage ban as temporary, stressing that there is no conflict between the marriage of the priest and his ministry. This statement may open doors of hope for reformers who saw Pope Francis' sitting in the papacy as a sign of the long-awaited change and modernization behind the scenes of the Vatican.