Why do I get angry when I don't want to go out with my kids | NHK

I don't want to get angry, but I get angry March 3 at 30:17

What stood in line were words I hadn't thought of.

Yes, I thought there were happy words lined up.

"When I go out, I apologize" and "My favorite outings tend to be bitter memories"



were many thoughts that could not be expressed.

I thought there was something I needed to know more about, so I went to see the person who wrote it.

(Network News Department, Shie Kanazawa)

"What、、、?"

I went to see him in Tosashimizu City in Kochi Prefecture, about two and a half hours by car from Kochi Airport.

Three months before that, I wrote this article.

I didn't know, Quiet Hour

When I entered the store, I couldn't hear the music that was usually playing, and the lights were dim. Once a week, for 1 hour. There are people all over the world who are waiting for this kind of time.

"There are people who react sensitively to sound and light" (called hyperesthesia)

", "There are facilities and stores that reduce the sound or dim the lights to make it easier for such people to use", "

This kind of quiet hour initiative is spreading"

To put it simply, it was like that.

I also called the aquarium "Ashizuri Kaiyokan SATOUMI" in Tosashimizu City and Kochi Prefecture to listen to the story.

Here, under the name "Friendly Day", we have created a day that people with hypersensitivity can enjoy with peace of mind by reducing the sound of the background music and adjusting the lighting.

People who had been waiting for the initiative came to visit.

"We asked the participants to write their impressions," so we decided to have them send us their impressions by email.

The feedback was immediate.

"Uh..."

I thought to myself that there were happy words lined up.

But what was listed were many thoughts that I could not express.

Bitter memories

Although I really love traveling and going out, I tend to have painful and bitter memories for myself and my family, and going out has become a hassle."

The friendly day itself was a lot of fun, but it was written in such a way that it was full of thoughts about how high the hurdles of going out normally are.

When there was something I needed to know, I promised one of the people who wrote my impressions, Rina Deguchi, and we met at the community center in Tosashimizu City.

Mr. Deguchi lives a 1-minute drive from the Ashizuri Ocean Museum.

The second son, Shunya, who is in the fifth grade of elementary school, has severe autism.

They are not able to communicate well in words, may dislike loud noises and lights, and tend to be confused when they are in their first place.

"I have really bitter memories of going out,"

Deguchi said.

That was when Shunya was a little girl and visited a shopping mall with his family.

Suddenly, I was excited, and Shunya made a strange noise.

Mr. Deguchi snuggled up beside me and waited quietly for me to calm down.

Then a stranger approached and said,

It was this one word that made me refrain from going out with Shunya, who is "a parent but not disciplined."

"After Shunya's body got bigger, there were times when I couldn't match his strength, so I gave up going out even more."

"Sir" and "Kaaa

I only went to the Ocean Museum, which is a 5-minute drive away, once for a school event, and I had given up visiting it with my family.

But maybe it was fun to do that, so when I drove to and from school, Shunya called out to me as I passed by the Ocean Hall.

"Saa

"It was frustrating, but I really want my kids to go out and experience a lot of things. But when you think about 'I have a disability,' there is inevitably a high hurdle."

It's different from the usual rules.

Mr. Deguchi is the representative of the Association of Parents of Children with Developmental Disabilities.

When the Ocean Museum organizes a friendly day, I was asked to give some advice.

I gave him a lot of advice, but the one I wanted to convey the most was "I want you to look at me with warm eyes."

They react to small sounds, shout at some point, or start running.

This is different from the usual social rules, but I wanted them to look at it with "warm eyes."

In response to this voice, on the day of the event, the Ocean Museum placed a sign at the entrance.

While there were general visitors, the following words were written.

"It's OK to shout loudly, run around, or run in the wrong direction."

On the day of the event, Shunya was able to come to the Ocean Museum with her family and look at her favorite turtle tank.

The route was also in the opposite direction, but I felt that the visitors were watching over me.

"Finally, I finally showed you,"

Deguchi thought.

If you notice it, apologize

The other person we talked to was Tomoko Sada. This is the person who came to Friendly Day with my eldest daughter Yuzuki in the third grade of elementary school.

I also participate in the association that Mr. Deguchi represents.

Yuizuki is not good at sound, light, and smell, so when she goes out, she needs earmuffs that cover both ears like headphones to protect her hearing.

We also have a "help mark", but it is difficult to get people to understand the characteristics at a glance.

Mr. Sata said that there is a word that comes out reflexively when he goes out.

I wonder if Yuzuki-san is causing trouble to those around me, and even if something didn't happen, I apologize for it.

While listening to the story, Yuzuki moves around the room.

I was also told "I'm sorry" several times along the way.

"I don't have anything to apologize for,"

he said, "and before I knew it, I would repeat 'I'm sorry,

I'm sorry' in various situations."

And above all, I'm worried about how I see myself as an apologist.

"I'm apologizing for Yuzuki, and I'm not sure if I can continue to show my parents like that, and I'm sorry and at the same time I'm conflicted."

I don't want to get angry, but I get angry

That's why Mr. Sata usually goes out to parks where there are few people.

When there are a lot of people, I avoid them and drive back to the park in the next city.

I don't want to get angry with Yuzuki-san when there are people, but I find myself getting angry, and I hate that too.

Tomoko Sada:
"Even in situations where I don't really want to get angry, I sometimes dare to get angry because I'm worried about the world and in public."

What kind of things are there in the places you go for the first time, and how few people are ... Do your homework.

I also want to know if there is any light or smell that I don't like, but I can't figure out that much.

And after arriving, I am worried about myself apologizing to the people around me and getting angry with Yuizuki-san.

In order to prevent a pleasant outing from becoming a bitter memory, he tries to return even on the way if there are too many people or if he reacts hypersensitively to something and becomes reluctant.

"Normally, we decide where to play and what we want to do and go out to play, but if we decide that, both my daughter and I will be frustrated when we can't do what we want."

What I thought was

Survey testimonials.

Behind this was the conflict between wanting to let children experience various things and the pain that they inevitably had to face.

Initiatives like Quiet Hour are gradually expanding, and some local stores are working on them.

I'm glad to have that kind of spread, and I'm glad that I was able to have a place where I could feel safe and have time.

However, I hope that not only will we be able to have such places and times, but we will also be able to gradually lower the hurdles that we feel even when we go out on a daily basis.

I think we need to gradually think about what kind of difficulties people who need time and places like quiet hour are in.

"I'm sorry,"

those words don't come up every time you meet someone.

"People are coming, let's go home"

so that you can make memories for your child with peace of mind.

I thought that Quiet Hour was one of the opportunities to move toward such a society.