Amman-
There is no doubt that money is important in a person's life, because it helps him achieve many requirements, but the most important thing is to realize that it is a means, not an end.
It is a means that helps a person to live and the requirements of life, and it is not an end in itself.
Also, money is not always a source of happiness, sometimes it contributes to achieving it and sometimes it is a cause of family and social problems.
Is money the number one issue that tops your differences with your husband?
About this, Al Jazeera Net interviewed specialists to share their opinions and experiences.
The couple should practice the basics of correct financial dialogue (pixels)
Money and marital disputes
For his part, family consultant Mofeed Sarhan says, "In many cases, money is a cause of marital disputes, especially when the spouses or one of them consider money as the most important element in his life, and that its value in front of others is the money spent, or when the family's financial capabilities are not enough. To meet the basic requirements of the family, or the husband is unemployed, or he deducts a large part of the family’s income to pay off debts, so that the remaining income is not sufficient to meet the family’s periodic expenses.
The consultant explains: It must be realized that the work to avoid financial disputes between the spouses starts from the stage before the engagement, where the need for the young man and the girl to be frank to the other about his financial capabilities and income, and the willingness of the girl to contribute to spending in the event of her work, and their view of the necessary requirements of life And his willingness to cooperate with the other for the success of married life.
He added, "The husband's debts often cause problems in the first months of marriage, especially if the wife does not know the consequences of these debts on the standard of living compared to her mental image."
It is important for the spouses to get used to setting a monthly budget for spending that takes into account the priorities and starts from the necessary needs, then the least important, then the luxuries, so that this budget is commensurate with the income of the family, and it is by agreement of the spouses, and it is better that this budget take into account saving as much as possible for emergency circumstances, such as illness, maintenance expenses and other things. Non-fixed expenses, according to Sarhan.
The consultant also talks about being careful not to borrow or resort to installments except in necessary cases, taking into account the family's capabilities to pay off debts and its impact on them.
Moufid Sarhan: The wife's financial responsibility must be respected and her participation in the spending is based on her desire not to be greedy for her partner (Al-Jazeera)
Dialogue is the best way to understand
The consultant Sarhan confirms that counseling between spouses is necessary in all matters, including materialism and compatibility with spending, which makes the spouses more understanding and aware of reality and the ability to be patient, endurance and cooperate with the other, which are necessary qualities for the success of family life and the reduction of problems.
And in the event of any problem, dialogue is the best way to understand and solve problems, according to Sarhan, since both spouses are responsible for family affairs, whether the wife is a worker or otherwise, and the aggravation of problems is not in the interest of either of them.
The conviction that money alone does not bring happiness.
And he continues: In the case of the wife’s work, respecting her financial responsibility is the duty of the husband and the right of the wife, and that her participation in spending is with her desire and consent, while preserving her financial rights, and she should not grant the husband that.
A wife who feels responsible does not burden the husband beyond his capacity, because this affects his psychological and physical health and his behavior at home and work, and one should not distinguish between what he spends on himself and what he spends on the other, so fairness in spending on personal matters makes everyone feel comfortable, reassured and responsible, according to the consultant Sarhan.
Lack of money often leads to marital and family problems (pixels)
Lack of money increases problems
On his part, the marital and psychological relations consultant, Dr. Ahmed Sariwi, comments, saying, “Money is a means, not an end. Yes, it is true, but if money is not available, this means that the means are interrupted in achieving the goal, and that means that collecting money for the sake of money is not the goal because hoarding money does not bring any benefit.” the owner if he does not spend his money on what he desires.”
He adds: Accordingly, married life is based on a number of concepts and principles that would formulate the concept of the family, including understanding the financial management in the family and the impact of money on the normal course of married life.
He shows that "the lack of money often leads to marital and family problems, due to the inability to meet the requirements of life, and the frequency and severity of problems increase as the debts increase and their burden on this family increases, so that the discussion and debate in the family turns to how these debts can end." And how can obligations be secured, even if that comes at the expense of many concessions, such as the time allotted to the family and others.
The problems are exacerbated and evolving so that their impact goes beyond mere lack of funds to the occurrence of fundamental problems within the family entity, and may lead to its disintegration or the occurrence of divorce, according to Serwi.
Ahmed Sariwi: The spouses must understand the financial management for the normal course of married life (Al-Jazeera)
Right Financial Dialogue
In order to properly solve this problem, Sarwi explains, "The family must train on the basics of correct financial dialogue," explaining, "In the beginning, we must thank and excuse at the same time whoever provides the family with income, whether it is the father, father or mother."
Sarwi concludes: Some sons may share in the income, so we thank him for his effort, and excuse him for his financial failure to perform some of the duties. Instead of directing blame and negligence and creating problems, this time must be invested in brainstorming sessions to find solutions to increase income, and to secure the basic requirements for individuals family.
Money, marriage and communication
If you are arguing with your spouse about money, you are not alone.
It is the number one issue that married couples fight over.
Financial battles are the second leading cause of divorce after infidelity, according to what Ramsey Solutions published a study of more than a thousand adults in the United States of America to understand personal finance behaviors and attitudes, as well as how couples communicate and communicate about money.
So why do couples fight so much for money?
A cursory glance at their bank accounts may provide the answer.
Couples who fight over money have a lot of consumer debt, and the debt burden has a negative impact on the marriage, regardless of family income.
Money does not make the list of the top five things that indebted spouses argue about, according to an American study (Pixels)
And 41% of couples with consumer debt say they argue about money, and that's what they argue about the most.
In contrast, only 25% of married couples without debt argue about money.
Plus, money doesn't make the top five list of things non-indebted couples argue about.
Debt seeps into marriage over time. Younger generations have much more debt than generations before them.
43% of married couples of more than 25 years began their lives with debt, while 86% of married couples of 5 years or less had double the debt of their older counterparts.
Today's marriages start with debts, not only that, but more younger generations are accumulating debts to pay for their wedding than the older generations.
And 41% of those who married 5 years or less ago said they felt pressured to spend more than they could afford on their wedding.
Fifty-four percent of married couples 5 or younger years ago say some of their wedding expenses were covered by a credit card, and 73% say they regret the decision.
"Couples who are just getting started need a better foundation to have a solid, long-term marriage," says Rachel Cruz, a financial expert and writer at the New York Times. "Unfortunately, debt keeps couples in the past and prevents them from focusing on their future."
Husband's debts are often the cause of problems in the first months of marriage (pixels)
More debt, more controversy
According to the study, the more debts a couple had, the more likely they were to say money was one of the most important issues they quarrel about.
About 48% of couples with consumer debt of $50,000 or more say money is the main reason for the argument, and they also assert that their financial conversations are 3 times more "negative" than couples with debts of less than $10,000.
And the same study found that debt is not the only financial pain point for couples, as a third of those who say they argued with their husbands about money, they hid purchases from them because they knew their partner would not approve of them.
"Financial infidelity is more prevalent than people think," Cruz says. "When a spouse hides purchases from their partner, trust collapses in their relationship. Couples need to understand their financial differences, for example, who is a spender and who is a saver, to have the same knowledge of their finances."
Co-planning makes the difference
The study reveals that topics such as money goals and dreams are important for married couples to discuss.
87% of respondents said their marriage was "great" because they and their spouses together set long-term goals for their money, compared to 41% who said their marriage was "good" or "in crisis."
Also, 94% of those who said their marriage was "great" discussed their financial dreams together, compared to only 45% of those who said their marriage was "fine" or "in crisis".