How do I deal with someone ignoring me?

Have you ever felt neglected?

Perhaps you meant to talk to someone in a family meeting but he turned his back on you or didn't pay attention to your comment. Perhaps you sent a message to someone and it stayed in the conversation for weeks or months without an answer;

You felt angry and questioned the reason for this behavior, and then you were confused about how to behave with this person.

Ignorance is one of the experiences that we humans experience almost daily, whether it is in the contexts of family, friends or work, it is not the preserve of one person without another.

And we may also practice it towards others sometimes, when we feel annoyed with talking to someone, or we want to stop some of his negative behaviors such as intrusion, sarcasm, and others.

However, people differ in the extent to which they are affected and how they deal with neglect, some are affected more than others, and there are people who may approach this neglect in indirect ways, while some resort to direct confrontation.

In any case, going through the experience of ignoring seems harsh, when we are ignored, we imagine that we are not valued as people and not just thoughts, feelings or behaviors. Ignoring makes you prey to rumination because you are confused without an answer or explanation, unlike disagreements that may leave you with some ideas that justify what happened.

Ignoring may cause you a feeling of inner doubt and confusion, and you wonder: Did I do something wrong?

How do I respond to this behaviour?

Should I retaliate with mutual disregard or end the relationship altogether?

You may go through this experience repeatedly, and wonder: Why is everyone ignoring me?

Why is this behavior repeated by them?

In this article, we try to explore the reasons why one person might be ignoring another, and we explain some practical steps to help you deal with the experience of being ignored in the best possible way.

What you should know about ignoring

Our need for acceptance and concern for others is an intrinsic human need, with a strong biological and psychological basis proven in numerous studies.

And when a person feels that he is not getting enough attention and attention, in the long run, his physical health, immunity, and daily habits such as sleep may be affected, or even tend to be more aggressive (1). Harder than their self-hatred, as the famous quote says: “The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.” George Bernard Shaw said, “The worst sin we can do to others is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That is the essence of inhumanity.”

Ignorance also shakes human self-confidence, and creates new feelings of loss of control and a feeling of unworthiness of appreciation and attention (2).

In light of all this, the feeling of anger, bewilderment, or misfortune when neglected does not seem unnatural or unjustified.

It is very normal to feel that when someone ignores you, and it is even important sometimes.

Ignoring is a heavy act on the soul, and if it is chronic or practiced by a person dear to you, its burden becomes greater and more difficult.

Ignoring can take different forms, especially now that social media and technology have invaded our lives.

Ignorance may be on the ground, and it may be through a virtual means (such as Facebook or WhatsApp), and it may be direct or indirect (in what is known as “Passive Aggression”), and with the entry of technology into our world, the second type has become more present;

What made us more confused in some situations, where we don't know whether what happened was ignored or not.

On the other hand, someone may ignore another by never responding to them, they may ignore them by too slow, or the response may not be real or authentic enough.

These are all variants of the general concept of disregard.

It is important to recognize the role of technology in deepening human communication problems, including the problem of neglect.

Each form of communication carries with it new possibilities, and these capabilities may lead to better or worse possibilities depending on their use.

Although studies examining different forms of communication (specifically comparing social media to real communication) are still in their infancy, they actually show that virtual forms of communication are more problematic than real communication (4).

The problem doesn't stop there. Humans believe that they can communicate effectively with others through these means (although research proves the opposite).

A recent research published last year (2021) found that texting is one of the most misunderstood forms of communication and does not have the same sense of communication as in audio or video communication, and the latter, in turn, is not the same as communication on the ground.

He found that the lack of awareness of the determinants of these means and their negative effects on relationships leads to false perceptions of what human communication is and the best ways for it.

This, in turn, affects long-term relationships (5) (6).

It is worth noting that most of the complaints about ignoring come from the communication behind the screens more than the reality, and do not forget that the communication platforms provide many options that enhance and facilitate this behavior (as well as facilitate communication itself on the other hand), and this has many considerations and reasons, And it can guide us on the best way to deal with ignoring, as we will mention in the practical steps paragraph.

Why are others ignoring me?

The reasons that can be behind the behavior of ignoring are varied, and we cannot decide on each case and enumerate them all in one article like this.

It could just be your assumption that the other is ignoring you when they aren't, and the neglect could be a manifestation of emotional manipulation and blackmail by a narcissist, or a strategy to get them to pay attention to you.

When we are being ignored, we have to keep this in mind, we may be really wrong, maybe we are the cause, but maybe the opposite is true as well.

The following causes are the most common causes in most - but not all - cases of chronic neglect, and it is possible that there may be more than one cause of them at the same time of course:

So, after talking about some of the possible reasons why we are being ignored, how can we best deal with this experience (7)?

How do I deal with people who ignore me?

• Try to analyze the situation objectively

It is always important not to fall prey to our feelings, have we really been ignored or are we interpreted as such?

We must try to answer this question first.

The following questions may help you do this: Has this been ignored more than once or by the same person?

Has a similar situation happened to other people?

Is there a reason or is the other person going through a circumstance that we can justify ignoring us a bit?

What does this person mean to us?

What is the nature of our relationship with him?

Do we have rational and logical expectations from the form of communication with him?

Could I have offended him or wronged him?

Answering these initial questions will help us put things in perspective and describe what happened more accurately.

Hiring another is often a good option. Having an objective and impartial mediator helps us overcome our cognitive biases and feelings that we can't escape sometimes in judging situations.

• Draw your boundaries and identify your needs and motives for communicating with others

"Everything that annoys us about others can help us understand ourselves better."

- Carl Jung

Feeling neglected by others is a painful human experience, but it can help us better understand ourselves and our needs.

We may discover from experience that our personalities are too consensual (if we justify everything they do in order not to confront them), and we may discover that we need a certain level of attention and a certain form of communication that we need to be more explicit about.

We may realize that we have an anxious attachment style;

This means that we need to reassure others and feel their love frequently and continuously.

It is important that we take advantage of these situations to know ourselves better, and use this knowledge to determine what form of relationships and communication is right for us.

And don't be shy about setting boundaries with others if such behavior is repeated and you can't stand it.

• Avoid actions that are motivated by emotion

Try not to get carried away by the exaggerated behavior that results from your negative feelings of being ignored.

Bad examples of ways to deal with ignoring include: talking and complaining about the situation or the ignoring person to others before reflecting on the situation and making sure of it in a grumpy or bad way, sending emotional messages or responding in a way that offends the ignoring person, practicing rumination by over-analyzing the situation and thinking about it all the time Instead of giving time and getting busy with what works.

• Express your feelings and thoughts to the other person calmly

Communication is the key word for successful relationships in our lives.

There is no concept more important than communication in managing relationships, whether it is in friendship, family, intimate relationships, or even fellowship and work relationships.

Don't be shy about expressing your feelings to the other person, but try to do so in a calm tone of voice and focus on your feelings and needs, not on accusing the other person of making a mistake or of their own behavior.

For example, instead of saying:

“You ignored me for two days without replying to my messages, you made me feel very bad.” You can say, “I felt ignored and bad feelings after my messages went unanswered for two days, and it is hard to stand it, was there a reason?”

It is also important to apologize if you feel that you have wronged him in something. Clearing feelings between you through words is one of the excellent ways to solve problems.

Don't forget to listen to the other person with a wide heart and a balanced mind. Don't just talk to him, but give him the opportunity to express what's on his mind.

Try to be face-to-face, because the virtual roads have a lot that prevents authentic human communication, and the most important thing is body language and a sense of the real space that brings you together.

The other person's reaction may tell you a lot about the reason for ignoring. If he is narcissistic or manipulative, he will try to make you feel guilty, and will find it very difficult to apologize for his actions or justify himself logically.

Hence, communication is also a cornerstone in understanding the other and these situations better.

• Try to understand the needs and differences of others

Humans may sometimes sin against us because they are human, we sin with others as well, and what makes us survive is our understanding of each other.

Forgiveness and forgiveness are two ways in which we can achieve an important part of our humanity, so there is no harm in giving your friend or partner some time and space if you feel neglected by him, especially if this is not a general pattern of his behavior.

One of the most important signs of psychological maturity is the ability to understand and think of others as free, active and independent selves.

Perhaps your attachment style is different from your wife’s, and your friend’s personality may differ from yours. He is an introvert and you are an extrovert (social);

What makes him avoid you is not because he wants to, but because he can't always act against his nature.

Understanding and empathy is not a margin in these situations, but may help us to invest in these situations positively to develop the relationship and deepen the level of understanding in it.

Relationships grow with difficulties and challenges, and the path of their development is not necessarily linear.

There is a lot of modern discourse that makes no effort to make you think only of yourself, as if others exist only for you, but true growth and maturity lies in expanding your heart to others, without losing yourself of course.

Tools that may help you

Quiz: Are you an annoying and provocative person?

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