Beirut -
Stubbornness is not obeying the orders of the parents and implementing their demands, and it becomes a fixed behavior or a behavioral phenomenon when the child is determined to his opinion and refuses any order directed to him, but the stubborn child possesses a double-faced trait, one negative and the other positive, and if he is dealt with wisely, he will become a successful personality when he grows up , and it may fall into failure and many problems if it is treated in the wrong way.
Therefore, parents should pay much attention to this issue away from the method of violence and beating, and try to control emotions through tenderness, attention and love to change this behavior and encourage him to control his stubbornness, anger and negative reactions and act in the right way.
Farah Snow: The method of beating should not be followed and the principle of dialogue and discussion should be followed, especially with the stubborn child (Al-Jazeera)
Treating a stubborn child and how to deal with it
Regarding the reasons for this stubbornness and how to deal with this behavior in the right way, Al Jazeera Net met with the social worker, Farah Sinno, who suggests some tips for parents:
Stay away from direct orders:
a method must be found for discussion and dialogue without issuing orders, and giving the child the freedom to express his feelings.
Constantly encouraging and praising the child:
Praise and praise for any positive action pushes the child to feel safe and balanced.
In addition to not comparing him with other children, as this pushes him to stubbornness.
Listen to the child's wishes and give him time to talk and express what is going on inside him without interrupting or arguing:
Be a good listener to your child and learn about his problems within the family or school, and help him to reach the best possible solutions, and his wishes must be listened to and respected.
Not being emotional and hasty in punishment and violence:
it is necessary to be patient in dealing with a stubborn child, as the matter requires a lot of wisdom and flexibility in dealing with him, and not to follow the method of beating, and to follow the principle of dialogue and discussion.
Control of feelings of anger and tension:
When the child continues to be stubborn in a specific situation, he must not be stressed, and the place can be left for several minutes until he calms down, and then the child can be discussed in complete calm, and the child must not be irritated so that he does not increase his stubbornness.
Consultation with a specialist:
It is possible to consult a specialist in modifying the negative behavior of your stubborn child after all attempts have failed.
According to Snow, a stubborn and nervous child is often smart and active, but smart methods must be followed when dealing with him, and I have warned of the need to allow him to make a decision or at least participate in its making.
She pointed out that the parents are required to come down to the mental level of the child, not to be condescending to him when talking to him, and to take into account that the tone of voice is calm, in addition to using vocabulary that is popular with him.
The social worker recommends respecting the child and instilling confidence in himself and not forcing him to do anything he does not want to do, and said that it is advisable to allocate a daily routine in the child's life that leads to improving his behavior and academic performance, and he can anticipate the course of things in his day without disturbance or anxiety, as Parents should treat the issue of stubbornness as a positive and beneficial issue in a child's life, and not a source of constant worry and tension.
Among the most important manifestations of nervousness in a child: severe screaming, or quarrels with his peers, and with those around him such as his brothers and parents, or biting nails, or sucking fingers, or his insistence on what he wants desperately.
Snow emphasizes staying away from the method of violence and beating, as this makes the child more aggressive and increases stubbornness more than the first.
Also, trying to get close to him and be patient, flexible and positive all encourage the child to do things in a different and calm way, and make him feel confident, love and respect and reinforce good behavior.
Dealing with a stubborn child in school
As for the issue of stubbornness in the child’s unwillingness to study lessons and the suffering of the parents and their constant grumbling about this situation, the social worker Farah Sinno mentions these solutions to know how to deal with the stubborn child in the study:
1- Trying to listen to the child:
the stubborn child always tries to argue and challenge, if he feels angry at the attempt to force him to finish his homework, he will not do it and will ignore it, so the mother should take another solution to this problem and talk to him calmly and explain to him and convince him of the importance of completing the homework for his benefit She is happy with what he is doing at school, and knows how smart and hardworking he is.
2- Not to impose orders and adopt the method of choice:
It is very important not to force the child to do his homework in the manner of command, otherwise he will resort to rebellion.
Parents should avoid harsh criticism, sarcasm or using profanity with him, and it is necessary not to compare him with his siblings who excel academically or with other children in his class.
He must avoid being nervous and using hitting or uttering abusive and degrading words against him.
3- Holding him responsible:
It is good for the child to bear the result of his failure to fulfill his duty or not to remember it, provided that the child is contained and shown love for him and sadness for his grief.
4- Permanent encouragement:
Tell everyone that he is a smart child and everyone loves him, and that he loves to study, this will increase his confidence in himself and in you as well.
Dealing with a stubborn child at a young age
For her part, child psychologist Catherine Tabikh believes that stubbornness is a distinctive feature of many children, especially between the ages of 3 and 5 years, and the best way to deal at this young age is to reject these wrong behaviors, and offers the following tips for dealing with children at this age:
Dealing with a stubborn 3-year-old
A very smart and innovative child by nature, he asks for everything and often rebelles against the answers.
Always looking for things that fascinate the mother and satisfy the father in his actions, he loves to hear words of praise and encouragement always.
Possesses leadership traits and may seem bossy at times. A stubborn child has frequent tantrums.
A child at this age often hears unpleasant phrases most of the time, and it is important to find positive phrases to encourage his correct actions, then he will trust himself and his ability to do good things, and always have to find options for him so that he feels comfortable and that he is not obligated to a certain thing.
It is necessary for every mother to learn negotiation skills to deal with her young child because he is distinguished by his complete refusal to accept any request from his parents.
It should also allow the child to talk to the end to find out exactly what he wants.
He is sensitive and loves to show his emotions clearly and does everything as he sees it.
Dealing with a stubborn 5-year-old
Children at this age usually behave in a bad way, for several reasons, including the need to draw attention, or as a way to prove themselves, which leads parents to lose control sometimes, so it is often advised to ignore this issue. Stubborn if he does something positive.
One of the most effective ways to deal with a stubborn child is to support him with a reward, because his attention will be directed to the beautiful things and the right actions for which he will be rewarded and rewarded because of them.
It is very important to stay away from violence and beating, otherwise the child will be weak in character, rebellious and bullying. On the contrary, he must be contained with love, tenderness, patience and calmness, with the need to listen to the child, to know his views and try to understand his feelings to empathize with him, and to provide him with tools that support his success, and develop his positive behavior.
When weaning a stubborn child, the number of natural feedings should be gradually reduced in the morning and evening (German)
The process of weaning a stubborn child
Tabikh stresses the suffering of most mothers with their children in the matter of how to wean them, as they suffer a lot of hardship due to the child’s stubbornness, intense crying and insistence on breastfeeding, but every problem has a solution with a commitment to patience and calm.
Here are some steps for all mothers who are able to do this smoothly and easily:
Gradually reduce the number of natural feedings, whether in the morning or in the evening.
Preparing delicious and delicious foods, including starches, because they give a sense of satiety.
Every mother should hug her child and make him feel warm and reassured from time to time, as the containment process is very important to facilitate weaning him from breastfeeding and relieve him from stubbornness.
Do not give up the night feeding, which gives relaxation and calm to the child.
Rather, it should be reduced gradually, and it is possible to try to distract him by petting him, playing with him, and reading stories to him.
If the child insists on feeding at night and cries badly, he can be given water instead of milk.
Do not force the baby to get a lot of food in order to avoid his need to breastfeed, as this will make him more stubborn.
Talk to him and tell him he's grown up even if he doesn't understand your words.
Avoid staying away from him after weaning because he feels lonely.
The most appropriate time for weaning is to reach the age of two years.
A child should not be reprimanded if he urinated and did not sit on the potty, and the matter should be explained to him flexibly and calmly (German)
Dealing with a stubborn child who refuses to defecate in the bathroom
The crisis of accustoming a stubborn child to the bathroom is also not an easy thing for mothers, as this requires a lot of patience from them because it is a new stage in the child’s life, as he is not ready to give up diapers and learn to use the bathroom.
Attempting to clarify the issue of entering the bathroom for a stubborn child in his own language, not in the language of adults, and talking about urine and feces with childish and easy names.
Do not force him to go to the bathroom, as he will refuse more and will delay his training process.
A special approach and a different method must be adopted to understand the stubborn child and encourage him to enter the bathroom.
Establish a new routine for the child in the morning, after eating or before bathing.
In order to start getting used to.
You can start by getting him used to sitting on the potty and getting rid of diapers.
You have to be patient and tell him how to tighten the siphon to let the stool go.
It is necessary not to reprimand the child if he urinated and did not sit on the potty, the matter must be explained to him flexibly and calmly.
It is important that the stubborn child does not feel afraid, otherwise he will increase his stubbornness. You mother, then, must be patient.
Try to train during the day, and then start training at night because urination at night is the biggest problem.
Don't make fun of him.
It is best to let a stubborn child play without pants or a diaper and remind him that there is a potty next to him in case he wants to pee on his own.
It is necessary to start getting used to.
Do not wear a diaper and put a tarpaulin on the bed.
With trying to wake him up at night to go to the bathroom.
Motivate and praise him.
Starting in the summer is most appropriate.
Do not hit him or punish him.
A stubborn child tends to be independent, and it is very difficult to please him because he has free will and a sense of leadership (Pixabe)
What is the difference between "determination" and "stubbornness"?
According to the Parenting website, psychiatrist Rashmi Prakash presented effective ways to deal with a stubborn child, considering that most parents have children with a stubborn personality when they are very young, and dealing with them is very different from dealing with stubborn teenagers. She insists that There is a difference between "determination" and "stubbornness", so there are some characteristics of a stubborn child, who expects that his orders and requirements will be carried out and his voice be heard. He also tends to be independent, and is very difficult to please because he has free will and a sense of leadership and has frequent tantrums.
The best way to deal with a stubborn child
Prakash explains that stubbornness appears in young children and adolescents, and can continue with young people until adulthood.
Therefore, parents must find ways to reduce this behavior, and the best methods are:
Do not argue:
These children should not be given this opportunity, but rather they should be listened to and discussed, so that they will feel ready to listen.
Finding a means of communication:
Not forcing the child to do something he does not want, as this will push him to rebel and refuse to obey orders.
Having options:
the stubborn child should be presented with many options rather than one command to do, and he can decide independently what he wants to do.
It is important that the options are limited and do not exceed three to avoid confusing the child, for example if he wants to clean his room, does he want to start with his bed, closet or library?
Wearing your child's shoes:
We must put ourselves in the child's place to understand his point of view, and we must explain to him why you did not fulfill your promise to him, such as showing him that you did not take him for a walk because of the bad weather, and promising him that you will take him later without the promise being false.
Maintaining safety at home:
It must be ensured that the stubborn child feels happy and comfortable in the place in which he lives, so the husband must be polite with his wife so that the children learn these qualities, they imitate adults, so it is necessary to avoid arguing and insults in front of children.
Try to develop and refine all the skills for negotiation:
You must negotiate with the stubborn child, for example, if he insists on hearing two stories before bed, try to negotiate with him to reach a solution where he can choose a story for tonight and another story for tomorrow.
Encourage and praise positive behavior:
The child's stubbornness must be viewed with a positive attitude, while avoiding using the words "no", "will not" or "cannot" too much, as this will greatly affect the child, who may respond in kind.
Establishing rules with flexibility:
Stubborn children should be dealt with flexibly and set limits with firm rules, but without restricting them.
What about the future of a stubborn child?
According to Prakash, a stubborn child is often successful in his academic and working life, and she explained that exercising the necessary discipline and effort goes a long way in helping him to be a responsible and strong-willed person.