Dear readers, a relationship dispute is often sparked off by banalities, and afterwards both parties often no longer know what it was about.

One thing is certain: all couples argue.

And that's good.

Conflicts are necessary for a relationship to develop.

In arguments you learn a lot about the other person, but above all: about yourself and the state of the relationship.

Felix Hooss

Responsible editor for the paywall at FAZ.NET.

  • Follow I follow

Ursula Nuber wrote about why couples get at each other over trivial things and what the motives are actually behind the argument in our new relationship column “Better love”.

Nuber is a qualified psychologist, systemic psychotherapist and couples therapist with her own practice near Heidelberg.

She has already pursued the question "How does a relationship work?" in non-fiction books.

She says that behind the mutual reproaches and allegations there is often a feeling that the parties to the dispute themselves do not want to admit: fear of loss.

What does it mean when the other person doesn't behave as expected?

Can you still rely on him or her if you can't agree on even the smallest details?

If the partner is not the kindred spirit, reliable person,

that you wish for?

The good thing is that such "vicious circle disputes" can be ended and the culture of debate can develop positively.

Nuber's conclusion: "You can only really argue with each other without fear of loss."

There is also a lot of argument about gender.

For some, asterisks and the artificial pause before the "i" in "workers: inside" are an expression of inclusive speech, others fear that the language will not be understandable or that they will become victims of linguistic re-education.

An appeal was recently published entitled "Scientists criticize gender practice in public service broadcasting" (ÖRR) and "Lingustics vs. Gender".

It calls for a critical reassessment of the language used in the ÖRR, which is said to be geared towards gender justice, and a departure from it.

Novina Göhlsdorf, editor in the feuilleton of the Frankfurter Allgemeine Sunday newspaper, conducted an interview with the linguist Damaris Nübling from the Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz.

Nübling criticizes

Beetles are male and bees are female

It turned out to be an interesting conversation in which you learn a lot about what gender linguistics is actually researching.

Not just on the question of the relationship between gender, sex and gender, but also on how the generic masculine shapes our ideas.

This is very complex in detail, and that's where the science begins, says Nübling: "The masculine gender offers a certain facilitation towards a male idea, even with inanimate things or animals.

The moon is always represented as male, the sun as female.

The Rhine is represented as a man, the Moselle as a woman.

In children's books, bears and beetles usually have male names, while bees and mice have female names.

There is a 90 percent correlation between gender and sex there.” In the debate on so-called gender language, Nübling appealed

to lead them in a relaxed and tolerant manner.

One thing is clear: the last word has certainly not been spoken on the subject.

Anyone in Russia protesting against Putin's "special operation" in Ukraine is living dangerously.

16,000 people have been arrested after many took to the streets to protest in the first weeks of the war.

Polls want to prove that the Russian president has become even more popular as a result of the war.

Public objection is not feasible, the risk is too great.

“But the contradiction is not gone.

People are clearly very dissatisfied,” says Leonid Volkov.

He is a close confidant of Alexej Navalnyj and Konrad Schuller, political correspondent of the Frankfurter Allgemeine Sunday newspaper in Berlin, spoke to him.

It is a misperception that Russia is as quiet as a grave, says Volkov.

Most of those who held public positions in the pro-democracy movement in Russia have been exiled or imprisoned.

However, the structures could be rebuilt quickly, says Volkov.

He relies on the "Generation 2022/2023": "Young people who would normally come to us.

They can't now.

But we know they are there.” He sees three possibilities for democracy in Russia: Putin's biological end, an internal power struggle or a popular revolt.

That's it for now.

Our publisher Carsten Knop is on his well-deserved summer vacation, which is why my colleague Julia Bähr will be in touch with you next week.

If you have any questions about our digital subscription F+ in the meantime, please write to me:

Many greetings!

Yours sincerely, Felix Hooß

Responsible editor for the paywall