Father's work, parenting and family worries "I am the one who broke my wife" | NHK

I am the one who broke my wife July 22nd 16:04

When I opened the locker at work, I found a brown envelope with no sender written on it.

Inside was a two-sheet spelling letter struck on a computer.

A few days ago, I had just posted an article on this site that hurt my wife and children because I couldn't help raising them.

The letter was from a man who read my article, saying, "I'm the one who broke my wife."

(Yu Suzuki, Network News Department)

I broke my wife who was raising herself

The letter arrived on October 16th last year.

Two days before that, I had just posted an article on the site News Up called "Indelible Email."

Because I don't face childcare, I hunted down my wife so much that I couldn't raise my wife, and when I saw it, the child told me at work,

"Please come back to my dad

.

" It describes the experience of receiving dozens of emails asking for help.

Indelible email

I should have guessed earlier when I received an email written in hiragana and a few katakana.

This experience also inspired me to switch to shorter working hours.

"I wonder if I take the seriousness of the matter"

"Too much brain weather"

"Don't write like a good story"

I was prepared, but I got a lot of harsh opinions.

His letter was delivered to the locker when he went to work.

"NHK News Bureau Network News Department Yu Suzuki"

To me, but the sender is not listed.

When I opened the envelope, two letters were carefully folded and contained.

(From a letter)

I read "Indelible Email".

I am the one who broke his wife who was raising herself.

Currently, while working moderately, I manage to care for my wife and children.

SOS has arrived to me as well.

My child was still small, so I didn't say anything like Suzuki's child, but her wife sometimes said "I'm going to abuse her."

(Continue)

Each word makes me sick.

It could be inferred that something was wrong between parenting and work.

The email address was also written.

After she was worried for a while, she decided to take the plunge and meet her.

That was a relief

He lived in eastern Japan and made time to meet between jobs.

I go inside the building where I meet and wait on the bench.

Then, a man in a suit asked me, "Are you Mr. Suzuki?"

He was the one who gave me the letter.

He guided me to a quiet place in the building, and when I was wandering around, he said, "There are no people at this time."

There are several desks and chairs, and we sit in one of them.

He was in his thirties like me.

"I don't remember why I knew Mr. Suzuki's article. I think it was Twitter. So, there are quite a few harsh opinions, and people who aren't are reading it properly. I wrote a letter because I wanted to convey it. "

And he talked about his situation.

He said that even after having a baby, he worked until late at night on weekdays like I did, and returned home did not change his life until midnight.

The appearance of his wife, who had to deal with childcare all day long, looked very difficult.

However, she felt that her work was worthwhile, she had a clear idea of ​​what she wanted to do in the future, and she was pushing towards it.

Therefore she decided to take care of her children mainly on holidays.

(From the letter)

I intended to do as much as I could on holidays, taking out my children and creating a day for my wife to rest alone.

I also took my child to work on holidays.

However, that was a relief.

My wife's physical condition has improved a little now, but she doesn't see much of her bright smile like she used to.

(Continue)

On holidays, he did the housework to make time for his wife to rest alone, took the child to a nearby park, and finished the meal together.

She sometimes took her children to work when she got a job on holidays.

However, no matter how much I get a rest on my holiday, Monday will come after all.

On weekdays until Friday, her wife's one-operated state continued.

She began to say that her wife was "tired."

It was sudden.

I can't move.

Meanwhile, something happened to my wife.

It was sudden and decisive.

"It was sudden. My wife suddenly got stuck in the futon in the morning. I really can't move. I couldn't do anything and I was crying."

I managed to get up from the futon on the floor, but soon fell down on a nearby sofa and couldn't move again.

His voice was only one word.

"Already the limit"

Not okay "OK"

I immediately took him to the hospital and found that he had a mental illness.

Looking back on his life so far, he says that his wife has issued SOS many times.

"In retrospect, my wife contacted me saying,'I'm tired.' I've been getting messages on a daily basis,'I'm tired' and'I'm tired.'

" I didn't say that, but it meant that I wanted you to come back soon. "

" And there was also the word "I'm going to abuse you." This was SOS, which I had to notice. "

My wife was increasingly out of touch with housework and childcare.

She cares and calls out each time, but her wife replies, "OK."

But that didn't mean literally.

"OK" in the last-minute physical condition and state of mind of falling down may have been a whipping word for himself, or he may have told him to "help".

I didn't think of it.

"I'm sorry, my wife and children. I should have relied on my parents and social resources. I should have made an effort. In the end, I was neglecting the situation at home. I thought it was not a serious situation. is"

There is no wife there

Now, I work on weekdays while saving the amount of work, and the day goes by quickly while raising children and caring for my wife.

However, the casual daily life that once existed is no longer there.

"What has changed is that my wife simply laughs less often. I don't laugh so much when I watch an interesting TV show."

The feelings towards the child were also spelled out in the letter.

Children (from letters)

can sometimes become unstable.

I feel that the effect of robbing one of my parents, who should be able to spoil unconditionally, from my child is great.

(Continue)

He said, "I wrote too much about'I took it away'," but he shared his thoughts on the child.

"I often can't be a mother with my child. Recently, I went to the park with my child on a sunny day. But I don't have a mom there."

"I don't say much about my child. I'm not a mama? I'm sorry I didn't say it clearly ... I wonder if I'm putting up with it ... It's painful. "

I hate myself like that

The letter also mentions how to approach work.

(From the letter)

Mr. Suzuki's article did not mention his future career.

I imagined that he was determined to work, but he might be worried.

I'm not ready for that yet.

Colleagues of the same generation can handle difficult tasks (sometimes working long hours) and step up smoothly.

When I look at it, I feel frustrated and empty.

It can be frustrating and worsen the attitude of dealing with wives and children.

I'm aware of that, and I hate myself, but I don't have anyone in the same position inside or outside the company, and in the end I'm holding it.

I feel sorry for my wife and child.

(Continue)

While working hours are limited, I can't finish working compared to the people around me who work late.

I feel sorry for my family, but suddenly think that I wanted to try the job I had envisioned.

There was no place to spit out such thoughts, and it was a vicious cycle in which the spearhead headed toward the family.

"I'm sorry for my wife and child," she tightened her mouth and muttered, squeezing her eyes down on the floor.

I thought it was for my family, not for me.

(From the letter)

At that time, I happened to see this article.

Perhaps the consciousness that a man should work anyway still remains, and I feel a little saved by having a similar person.

I think it took courage to write about yourself and your family.

There are strict comments on SNS, but there should be many people who sympathize with it.

I'm very sorry for the long sentence.

He suddenly got cold.

Please love yourself and your family.

There was no father around him with similar worries.

It seems scary to confess his troubles.

"I wasn't sure how my fathers were facing childcare and work. I was grateful that I was able to know that."

"Even if I confess, it's my responsibility," or "heart." You might be told, "I'm weak," and I was grateful that I could read the words of someone in a similar situation at that time. "

First person

There are few places where fathers talk about child-rearing and work, and the words of one father help another father.

I also happened to find such a place in February last year, and there were many things that were saved.

"The more I work, the more rewarding my work is, but the feeling that it puts a burden on my family hasn't changed.

" "

It is important for the couple to discuss how they want to raise their children and match their values."

It is a guideline for reconsidering one's child-rearing and way of life by telling the experience honestly and sharing thoughts straight.

Sharing is mainly "failure".

I honestly say that the helpless mistakes I made may help eliminate the mistakes of those who follow.

The difficulty of raising children is different for each person.

The way of working and the way of dealing with children differ depending on the environment and situation.

However, many fathers follow the same path as before their children were born, and few try to change to a different path.

So, as he was talking about, when you confess the facts, you may be told, "It's your responsibility" or "You're just weak in your heart," or you may think in your heart.

But if the first person who speaks honestly about their child-rearing worries comes out, another person with the same worries can notice.

It may lead to counseling and may help save the family in trouble.

I think that such a chain may move society.

Reply, late

The letter had a question about his career.

But I couldn't answer right away, but now I can sort it out a bit.

I would like to take this opportunity to reply.

If a career means "career", I think I'm on my own career, my own career.

No one around me is on the same path as I am.

It's not the way I was trying to go at first.

However, I thought that this road was more like me now and I could walk with my family, so I "convinced" myself and "chosen".

The roads are very bumpy and can be difficult to walk.

I am walking while smoothing each time and moving away if there is a disability.

I think it will be a little easier for the next person to find a way and walk.

Before we all convinced that we wouldn't make the same mistakes as we (dare to say), so that future people wouldn't go down the road with their families. I want to make a loud voice so that I can move forward.

I don't think there were many signs for directions about these failures and how to live after that.

But we can show if there is such a road and what lies ahead of it.

I'm sorry for the late reply.

And thank you for your polite letter.

It took me a while to put my thoughts together.

Please take good care of your family.

I don't think it's an easy road to walk on, and I think it's a road with few people walking, but please manage to move forward.

I am desperately walking on the nearby road so that I can talk to each other.