Who among us did not hear a threat as a child when he decided to stop studying, swimming, or entering a top-performing competition?

“You'll grow up like that homeless man.” Those words were enough to terrify us, to do what the parents asked, with no real desire to do, and we soon left our teenage accustomed.

Children differ among themselves - and it is not a simple matter - and this requires us to continue to learn and re-evaluate our methods to encourage them, rather than relying on our experiences and memories in education, so we invite you to review some common encouragement methods, but the most harmful to your child's development.

Threatening negative scenarios

We know that frustration is a daily feeling for someone who accompanies a child with bad behavior, and we may see intimidating the child from imaginary negative scenarios as a good way to urge him to good behavior, such as threatening him with a dark future if he neglects his studies, by becoming a humble profession, for example, but the fact that weaving negative thoughts is one of the Mothering methods are toxic, and will only generate negative responses.

Parents' negative thoughts about their child cause their negative behavior;

UNICEF has indicated that children may engage in bad behavior to get your attention;

Therefore, it is important to correct your negative thoughts and frustrating expectations, and turn them into positive thoughts, to encourage him and motivate his attempts.

Instead of saying, “You didn’t study your lessons today, the teacher will punish you tomorrow, and your dad will punish you later for your bad grades at the end of the year,” you can say, “You had a hard time today, you didn’t even study your lessons. Can you talk to me about what is stopping you from doing your homework?”

Compare it to others

You may think that by comparing a child to his brother or his friend and relatives, you stir up a competitive spirit within him, so that he performs his best performance, and proves you wrong, but the truth is that children differ among themselves, and if you have more than one child, you will notice the difference in their personalities, and even their sleeping habits, their food and the degree of their attention .

Keeping these differences in mind while raising your children is essential.

The method of comparison can lead to a broken child’s self-confidence and lack of self-respect, entering a cycle of unhappiness due to his poor performance, feeling a burden if you continue to compare him to others, social phobia and shyness from social situations so that he is not the object of ridicule by others, and he will not bother to provoke Your admiration for his superiority, because you clearly prefer the other child over him, and he may tend to engage in aggressive behavior towards that child.

You can modify the course by repeating the praise phrases to your child with each action, even if that act is playing with his siblings for 5 minutes. Unconditional praise with positive results. Praise encourages good behavior and reduces your need to discipline his behavior.

The comparison technique can break a child's self-confidence and lack of self-esteem (Getty Images)

Encouragement in an irregular way

Almost all mothers see encouraging their children as one of their most important responsibilities, however, only a few of them know how to plant their feet the right way.

Most mothers either shower their children with excessive praise for good deeds or lose their temper at the first sign of something wrong;

This transformation intimidates the child and makes him feel weak and lack confidence in himself and his worth.

“One person’s expectations of another person’s behavior may be a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Harvard professor Robert Rosenthal and Leonor Jacobson, elementary school principal in San Francisco, say in their book Pygmalion in the Classroom.

So, while having positive expectations can build confidence and help a child improve, shocking them with your sudden negative expectations can discourage the child. Remember that styles, behaviors, and abilities are not as important as attitudes and the parent's ability to take a child's point of view.

Time limit as punishment

Many parents resort to requesting that the child stay alone in his room if he violates their expectations, what is known as the “time-out”, which is a calming opportunity during which the parents regain their peace, and avoid screaming or hitting the child, but many researches have not proven the failure of this method to encourage the child only, Rather, it has proven its direct harm to your child.

Brain imaging research confirmed that social exclusion and physical pain show similar patterns of brain activity, as professors of clinical psychiatry at the University of California School of Medicine explained that the “time out” or period of isolation for a child in his room to think, and saying “Do not go out before you decide to return to swimming training” or “ Think about your future if you don't finish soccer training" or "try to calm down on your own", which may prevent a child from communicating with their parents in times of stress.

University of California child development professors have put forward another method in place of "timeout";

As opposed to sending the child to his room or outside his classroom at school, you can have the child sit quietly in his chair in the same room with you, tell him that you are here to help him regain his calm and ask him why he hates the sport he plays, and then solve the problem with him.

Keeping the differences between a child and his peers or siblings in mind while raising your children is key (pixels)

strict motherhood

Some use the strict and authoritarian style of education to raise children who are academically superior and physically fit. They set strict rules that the child adheres to, and are expected to apply them without mistakes. Otherwise, only screaming and anger are responsible for reversing the mistakes he committed.

Unfortunately, a study conducted by the University of Montreal - in partnership with researchers from Stanford University, last March - showed that strict parenting practices that are common and socially acceptable can harm your child's brain development.

The study indicated that neglect, repeated anger, screaming, violently holding the body, and hitting cause children to suffer from anxiety and depression later in life, and adolescents who were exposed to these practices in their childhood have a smaller prefrontal cortex and amygdala, which are the two parts responsible for regulating emotions and psychological disorders. .