Study Explains: Why do women apologize more than men?  

"I'm sorry" is one of the first phrases we learn to say as children, yet some adults refuse to apologize even when they are clearly wrong.

but why?

Some people find it so difficult to apologise that getting them to admit even the smallest mistake involves a major, and often fruitless, battle.

According to PsychologyToday, although we may view some people's reluctance to apologize as mere defense or pride, a deeper psychological dynamic often plays a role. Especially fragile."

For non-apologists, saying "I'm sorry" has much deeper psychological implications than the words themselves imply.

It raises basic fears and desires, whether conscious or unconscious, as follows:

Desire to control

According to a new study conducted this year by Joshua R Gilfoyle and colleagues from the University of York in Canada, this is related to the need for this type of people for power, as they cannot stand the idea that someone else is making the decisions and that they owe them an apology.

Their desire to wrong you and then their unwillingness to apologize can be explained by this simple desire for control.

They love themselves and don't care about others

Non-apologists pay less attention to others around them than to themselves, so they don't even notice that they have offended someone else.

They also have a "highly self-centered desire to avoid threats associated with apologizing."

York researchers also point out that those who make mistakes want to protect their image, either by appearing innocent or finding a way to blame someone else.

Some just can't stand the idea that someone else is making the decisions and that they owe them an apology (Shutterstock)

Apology threatens their identity

Admitting wrongdoing is highly threatening to non-apologists because they find it difficult to separate their actions from their character.

If they admit that they have done something bad it means that they are bad, if they are careless then maybe they are selfish and uninterested, and if they are wrong then they must be ignorant or stupid.

So apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-respect.

Feeling ashamed, not guilty

Apologizing may open the door to guilt for most of us, but for the unapologetic, it opens the door to shame.

Whereas guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes the unapologetic feel bad about themselves.

This makes shame a more intoxicating emotion than guilt.

Fear of more apologies

While most of us view an apology as an opportunity to resolve personal disagreements, non-apologists fear that their apology will open the door to further accusations and conflict and that once they admit they made a mistake the other person is sure to take the opportunity to open the door to past crimes for which they refused to apologize as well.

They don't want to take full responsibility

The non-apologists fear that by apologizing they will take full responsibility and absolve the other party of any guilt, which is unacceptable to them.

Non-apologists fear that by apologizing they will take full responsibility and absolve the other party of any guilt (Shutterstock)

Why do women apologize more?

You may have heard that women apologize more than men, and studies show that this is also true as on average, women say they feel sorry more than men.

According to studies, men's lack of apologies may not have anything to do with stubbornness, but with differing ideas about the type of behavior that actually constitutes a crime worthy of an apology.

When men think they made a mistake, they are just as likely to apologize as women.

But women seem to have a lower score for apologetic behavior.

A 2010 study published in Psychological Science examined how men's and women's apologies differ.

In one study, college students kept online diaries for 12 days to document whether they had apologized or had done something they thought required an apology.

They also tracked how often they thought others owed them an apology.

The study found that both men and women apologized 81% of the time when they thought their actions were offensive.

But women were more likely to report that they were victims of abuse and that the other party had to apologize.

In a second study, undergraduates rated the severity of a particular misconduct and the importance of offering an apology such as waking someone up late at night and causing them to perform poorly at an interview the next day.

Women rated these types of behavior as more dangerous than men.

Women were also more likely to say this behavior deserved an apology.

Different ways of thinking between men and women

According to the "inc" website, these results do not mean that some people's ways of thinking are right and others are wrong, but they are completely different.

The more men and women understand each other in their personal and professional relationships, the better they can work together.

Perhaps women should consider how often to apologize. Saying things like, “Sorry I didn't reply to your text right away.. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you quickly about your request” might reinforce the idea that you did something wrong.

This can cause excessive guilt and toxic self-blame.

This can destroy your confidence, which in turn can lead to more apologies.

Refusal to admit your mistakes can damage your relationships, and an apology may be key to maintaining healthy relationships (Shutterstock)

On the other hand, men should rethink how their behavior affects those around them.

Are there times when you might have hurt someone, albeit unintentionally, and an apology might be warranted?

It takes a certain amount of mental strength to admit when you're wrong.

Refusing to admit your mistakes can damage your relationships, and apologizing more often can be the key to maintaining healthy long-term relationships.