Three tips for a successful divorce when you have children

Gauthier Delomez 4:02 p.m., June 16, 2022

It is an episode of family life which has multiplied lately in France, and which concerns nearly one out of two marriages.

“The trend is on the rise, and people are divorcing more and more quickly”, notes Me Élodie Mulon, lawyer in Paris and specialized in family law.

In the show

, the lawyer spoke about this subject in the company of Clémence Prompsy, who is a family psychologist and co-founder of Kidz and Family.

At the microphone of Julia Vignali and Mélanie Gomez, they explained everything that we could do to better live this sometimes delicate passage.

>> Find all the shows of Mélanie Gomez and Julia Vignali from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on Europe 1 in replay and podcast here

Preparing for the announcement of the divorce to the children

Many parents first ask themselves the question of announcing the divorce to their children.

Before this essential step, psychologist Clémence Prompsy believes that "the best way to put things is to go see a couple therapist before announcing the divorce to the children. It's good to prepare everything", explains she on Europe 1.

During the announcement, "you must always tell the children that it is not their fault", insists the psychologist, who explains that they must be reassured as to the good agreement between the two parents.

"There is one thing that is impossible to change, it is that they will always be parents, even with two houses, we cannot break this duo," adds the family psychologist.

To make this announcement, it is preferable to favor "the morning, the midday or the beginning of the weekend so that we can put activities back on top", she underlines, evoking that it was better than the two parents are there to tell their children.

It is also important to talk about it with the teacher, or any other person who meets your child.

Detail mutual consent

For the legal aspect, Élodie Mulon advises parents who are about to divorce to write in detail the mutual consent.

"The agreement is valid if the consent is free and informed. For it to be so, it is absolutely necessary to put everything on the table, for example on the organization of the children (guards, holidays) and on the financial consequences ( compensatory allowance, contribution for children and liquidation of the matrimonial regime", specifies the lawyer specializing in family law.

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For guards, or "alternating residences", everything depends on the age of the children.

“We can agree on something and evolve over time,” explains Clémence Prompsy.

"Some people will not be able to bear not seeing the other parent for a week (...). I advocate at least that we recover on Friday evening when we work every other week, because we start with the weekend rather than starting with Sunday evening or Monday evening with homework”, advances the psychologist.

Do not speak ill of the other parent

The "absolute" rule not to break after a divorce is not to speak ill of the other parent, especially in front of the children.

"Even when we have a bad parent in front of us, or it's complicated not to say bad things about it, we must not do it because it turns against us", states Clémence Prompsy.

"The kid is going to need to push you away, check out your theory or on the contrary, be convinced for years that the other was the bad guy, go and check it out himself at the age of 18 and he could get lost in theories", she says on Europe 1.

"It is better to explain that these are adult stories, that it does not concern him, and that he has the right to love the other parent, even if he is failing", continues the psychologist.