We need to express our feelings of sadness and frustration from time to time, talk to our loved ones about positive and negative feelings, and know the opinions of those we trust in facing difficult choices or situations.
But the habit of complaining and exporting the negatives of life all the time makes us laden with a lot of negative feelings, and it also makes others feel upset about talking to us and pushes them away from us.
As this pattern of thinking persists, it is difficult to see the positive, and the complaint escalates and becomes life-disrupting.
What are the reasons that lead us to complain?
How does that affect us?
And how can we not slip into the cycle of constant complaint?
People complain for various reasons, including:
Relieve painful feelings through self-venting.
When we are in a negative mood, however, this may reinforce the negative mood, and cause a vicious cycle of negativity.
Being in a complaining environment—whether at home, work, or a certain group of friends—makes people more likely to express and focus on their negative feelings.
When problems are difficult to solve and other options are not seen and the skills to solve the problem are lacking, we need to complain to receive help from others.
Using a complaint to get the attention, attention, sympathy, and support we need from those around us.
A way to connect with others who share the same problems and concerns.
A sign of over-complaining is that you think a lot about past events (Pixels)
There are some signs that may indicate that you are complaining excessively, and you should reduce that, and these are some of them:
You spread negativity and don't try to find any solutions.
You often think about past events.
You are usually nervous after complaining.
You have a general negative mood and a pessimistic outlook on life.
Talking about problems makes you feel helpless or hopeless.
You notice that others avoid you because of your persistent negativity.
Constant complaining reduces the effect of the positive on your mood, and people who want to spend time with you tend to reinforce your negativity by ruminating about their negative thoughts with you and talking about what's bothering them over and over.
How to become more positive?
To get out of constant complaining and negative vibes, here are some effective strategies that can help you reduce complaining and increase optimism and satisfaction:
diary writing
Writing a diary has many health, mental and psychological benefits, as it helps you see things from another perspective, without drowning in the negatives, and you may be able to understand your feelings and thoughts more clearly, and reach a solution.
social support
Getting social support is an effective way to relieve stress. When you're feeling down, you can talk to your loved one to express your feelings without ruminating on negativity. If you're facing a major challenge, talk to wise people and listen for their ideas to help you.
Constant complaining reduces the effect of positivity on your mood (pixels)
gratitude
Gratitude helps release the hormone dopamine in the brain, which promotes feelings of happiness and optimism, so focusing on blessings is a great way to get rid of a bad mood and shift your focus away from your frustrations.
take a step
The desire to complain stems from feeling dissatisfied with something and feeling powerless to change it, but although there are some pressures that cannot be resolved and we just have to accept them, there are other problems that can be taken effective action to resolve, rather than exhausting energy in complaining.
replace negatives
It is easy to give up negative habits when you replace them with positive ones, so it may help to replace the negative words that you use frequently during your speech and use positive ones, and you will notice the impact of this on your mood and the way you think.
Choose your battles
Before you start complaining, ask yourself, “Is it worth it to consume my energy and reinforce my negative thoughts and feelings?” For example, if your husband leaves a cup of tea by the bed, is it worth complaining about it and the atmosphere becomes a little negative?
Or can it be ignored and overlooked?
Understand your feelings first
Before you start complaining, understand the feelings behind your dissatisfaction first. It may seem like you are upset because your food is late at the restaurant, but the real reason may be that you are already tired and did not get enough rest.
When is a complaint positive?
Complaining isn't always a bad thing. When we complain effectively, it can have a positive effect on us. The key is the way and purpose of the complaint. Here are some other tips to make your complaint effective and productive:
looking for a solution
In a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, researchers found that when people complain in order to reach a specific outcome or solution, they are happier than people who complain simply for the sake of complaining.
When people complain in order to find a solution, they are happier than people who complain just to complain (pixels)
go ahead
Ruminating about past events can be harmful, but journaling or talking about the things that bother you to let go of those feelings or process experiences and put things in perspective can really help you leave it all behind and move on.
thank you vigilantly
Focus on making your daily interactions primarily positive, and when you decide to complain, do so mindfully, and focus on what you're saying without delving into negative thoughts.
Avoid collective grumbling
Spending a lot of time thinking about your complaints with others can have negative effects, so try to limit the amount of time you spend with people who complain a lot.
And you will notice the positive impact of reducing complaining on your life and your mental and psychological health, in addition to improving your relationships, and when you need to complain, remember to limit your complaint to the problems you are trying to solve, to make your life calmer without useless negatives.