Because the father who neglects his child is the most dangerous of all!

“I used to feel that no one saw me, I was the oldest of my brothers, and my parents saw that I was also the strongest of them, so they felt that they needed more care and care than me and that I could take care of myself. Even when I was sick I was given no care and attention. It is compared to what is offered to my brothers, and after the years passed and my brothers and I became adult men and women, I became the most fragile and the most vulnerable, as if I had exhausted the stores of my strength and ability to be independent and to rely on myself and not need anyone.”

This is how Sarah began.

A, the girl in her thirties, her conversation with "Maidan".

Sarah went through many experiences of emotional attachment that failed before she reached the stage of marriage, she says: “I completed my education, I work in one of the major private companies, my appearance is fine, yet my heart always tells me that I am not worthy of love, my mind tells me that no one will accept me.” And I don’t know the reason or the explanation for this, even if someone told me that he likes me or wants to marry me.”

What Sarah has been exposed to and is still suffering from its consequences until now is what is called “neglect”.

Studies show that people who were emotionally neglected as children will have to deal with the consequences of this neglect in adulthood.

The most common effects of childhood neglect in adulthood include post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, avoidance of intimacy, poor self-discipline, guilt and shame, as well as anger and aggressive behavior, and difficulty trusting or relying on others.

What is child neglect?

And what are its types?

Child neglect can be considered one of the most common forms of child abuse, something that can affect a child's physical and mental health with potentially serious long-term consequences.

Child neglect may result from some of the more complex issues, such as the parents' poor mental or physical health, financial challenges facing the family, and perhaps a parent's involvement in drug or alcohol abuse.

In the United States of America, laws define child neglect as the failure of a parent or caregiver to provide the child with necessary food, shelter, clothing, medical care, or supervision to the extent that the child's health, safety, and well-being are threatened with harm. (1) This definition tells us Clearly, neglect goes beyond the primal idea of ​​failing to feed a child or leaving them alone at home.

According to the US Department of Health's Children's Office, there are several basic categories of neglect, and they include: educational neglect, which is the failure to enroll a child in school or ignoring a child's educational needs, and emotional neglect, which is exposing a child to domestic violence or failing to provide affection and emotional support , and also insufficient supervision, which means leaving a child who cannot care for himself alone at home, and this includes not protecting the child from safety risks.

There is also medical neglect, which means refusing or delaying the necessary or recommended medical treatment for the child, and finally physical neglect, which is the failure to take care of the child’s basic needs such as hygiene, nutrition or shelter. (2)

The impact of neglect on children

Science shows that early exposure to abuse or neglect can disrupt healthy development with lifelong consequences.

When adults' responses to children's needs are unreliable, inappropriate or absent, this disrupts the development of brain circuits, negatively affecting how children learn and their ability to solve problems and communicate with others.

Neglect often leads to a child feeling threatened, and with repeated feelings, biological response systems to stress are activated, and excessive activation of these systems can have a toxic effect on the development of brain circuits.

When the lack of response persists, this can multiply the missed opportunities for child development. (3)

On the other hand, not all children who experience similar experiences of abuse and neglect are affected in the same way.

For some children and young people, the effects of neglect during their childhood may be chronic and debilitating, while others may suffer less negative outcomes. (4) This is determined by the child’s life experiences and other family circumstances that positively or negatively affect his ability To withstand abuse or neglect.

When a neglected child has few protective factors such as positive relationships with family or friends, the risk of negative outcomes increases.

The frequency and duration of abuse and the concurrent occurrence of multiple forms of neglect are also critical factors in determining the way neglect affects children and young people.

Chronic abuse is defined as “recurrent incidents of abuse over a long period of time” and is often associated with worse outcomes. (5)

In an attempt to explain some of the negative outcomes associated with chronic, multi-type neglect, researchers have coined the concept of "complex trauma" to describe this complex type of neglect.

Complex trauma affects the developing brain and may interfere with a child's ability to integrate sensory, emotional, and cognitive information, which can lead to excessive reactions to post-stress stress, as well as some long-term effects such as cognitive, behavioral, physical and mental health problems (6).

Children exposed to abuse and neglect are also more likely to have insecure or disorganized attachment problems with the primary caregiver. (7) Safe caregiver attachment patterns are critical to a child's early healthy emotional and social development.

For children in insecure attachment, the parent/caregiver, who should be the primary source of safety, protection and comfort, becomes a source of danger or harm, and without the safety and support of the primary caregiver, children and infants may find it difficult to trust others when they are in distress , which may lead to persistent experiences of anxiety or anger. (8)

Studies have also found that neglect in the early years of life can seriously affect the developmental abilities of infants, especially in the critical areas of speech and language. Child neglect has also been associated with learning difficulties and poor academic achievement. (9) Similarly, mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety disorders, have been associated with Concern, constantly with child abuse and neglect, especially for adolescents.

In a review of seven studies, child abuse and neglect, on the one hand, was linked to depression in adolescence on the other. (10) In addition, abuse and neglect increase the risk of suicidal ideation and attempted suicide in young people, (11) in addition to Increased likelihood of alcohol and drug abuse in adolescence and adulthood (12)

What makes parents neglect their children?

Well, most parents have good intentions and do not set out to intentionally neglect their children.

But, unfortunately, some parents cannot adequately meet the needs of the child due to lack of knowledge and know-how, as in the case of new parents who do not understand the basics of child development, and may not realize how often their child needs to be fed or changed diapers, or they do not know that A 5-year-old should not be left alone at home.

Neglect may also always occur as a result of a parent's failure to meet the needs of their children.

Sometimes, mental illness can prevent parents from providing adequate care.

Other factors that increase a child's risk of neglect include poverty, lack of social support, single-parent families, domestic violence, as well as unemployment or low incomes. (13)

In some Egyptian villages, fathers want to have many children, which may lead to an inability to adequately meet their physical and psychological needs, and this is what Gamal was exposed to.

S., a young man in his thirties, says to Meydan: “I was born and raised in a village in Upper Egypt. All my father was concerned with was having many children. He was suffering from financial problems. He worked as a teacher, and he had no income other than his government salary. Nevertheless, he insisted on having one, two and three children, even eight children. My mother’s health declined after giving birth to each child, and she was not able to take care of us and take care of us. My father’s financial ability also declined, and he became unable to educate all of us, and he could not provide health care for all these children. Two of us died, and six survived.”

The large number of children made Jamal and his brothers suffer to find the simplest types of attention and care, starting with food that is not enough for everyone, passing by the doctor who cannot visit him when sick, to the inability to obtain a good level of education, and he says about this: “All that occupied My father is not to be alone when he grows old, he wanted many children to help him and carry him in his old age, and the strange thing is that after the death of my mother, some of us got married and others traveled in search of a job and a better life, and only my younger sister remained with my father who took care of him in his old age ".

What Jamal realizes very well is that he does not want to have many children when he gets married, he only wants to have one or two children, so that he can provide a stable and comfortable life for his children.

But in contrast to Jamal’s interest in meeting the emotional needs of his future children, adults who experienced emotional neglect during their childhood may become emotionally neglectful parents, because they never learned the importance of their emotions, so they may not know how to deal with their children’s feelings (13)

How to deal with neglected children

Treating child neglect and abuse helps reduce a child's risk of learning and emotional and social problems later in life.

Children who have been neglected and abused may benefit from therapeutic services to help them address their emotions, behaviors or fears.

A psychiatrist or therapist can help your child learn how to deal with their feelings in a healthy way.

If a child is used to suppressing their emotions, it can be difficult to recognize and experience emotions in a healthy way.

Likewise for adults, years of suppressing feelings can lead to difficulties expressing them.

Therapists and mental health professionals can help both children and adults learn to recognize, accept and express their feelings in a healthy way. (14)

There are different types of treatment, such as: Developmental therapy, which is a type of therapy that deals with the way a child grows and the way neglect interferes with growth, preventing it or hindering it, and there is cognitive and behavioral therapy, which deals with the way neglect has changed feelings and thoughts The child and his behavior. (15) There is also family therapy that can help both parents and the child. The therapist can help parents understand the impact they are having on their children, and can also help children learn how to deal with the problems they face.

Whatever treatment, effective intervention and an understanding of the particular experiences of neglect can help people of all ages overcome the effects of emotional neglect in the short term and prevent serious complications in the future.

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Sources