Many believe that humans are selfish by nature, but recent psychological research indicates that this is not necessarily the case.
Researcher Felix Warneken of the University of Michigan has spent 17 years studying young children, and has observed that children display altruistic behaviors from a young age.
The study found that children have an automatic, biologically based tendency to care about others. They help others early in their lives, and do so spontaneously without their parents asking them to either in return for a reward or simply for others to notice.
Human nature is not purely selfish, but adults do play a role in guiding children as they get older, teaching them how to balance their sense of altruism with their personal interests.
Parents can also make some toxic mistakes that make kids more selfish over time.
As a parenting coach, I notice some toxic parenting mistakes that can make children more selfish, especially in adulthood, says Dr. Tracy Baxley, professor and educational coach and author of Parenting in Social Justice.. How to Raise Compassionate Children in an Unfair World.
These errors are as follows, according to CNBC:
You may think that children are not paying attention but they are watching closely to see how you respond to different situations (pixels)
Yes to almost everything
Studies show that children who grow up with a sense of entitlement are more concerned with themselves, show less empathy for others, lack a strong work ethic, and may act as if the rules and laws don't belong to them.
Teaching empathy to your children requires that you start saying no sometimes.
Like: No, I won't clean up after you.
No, I won't buy you that thing you want.
No, you'll never talk to me that way again.
Giving consequences for their unhealthy actions will support their ability to see situations from different perspectives.
Not creating opportunities to learn
You might think that children are not paying attention, but they are watching closely to see how you respond to different situations.
For example, if you want your children to help and think about each other a lot, you can do it in a simple way so that they can imitate you later.
Ask your child, “I make sandwiches, what sandwich do you want?” He might say, “Cheese with tomatoes.” Go back to ask him again, “What do I make for your brother?” He might say “Cheese with tomatoes too.” You can say to him here, “This is for sure.” The sandwich that you want because it's your favorite. But do you think it's your brother's favorite too? How do you think he'll feel when he comes home and finds his favorite sandwich and we made it for him?"
Son "I think peanut butter is his favorite."
You might reply, "I like the way you thought about your brother's feelings and what makes him feel happy."
Not discussing what is happening in the world
When children reach the age of eight they are able to understand the impact of public life on individuals, and that a person's feelings may not be based on what happens with him in particular, but may be a byproduct of the general circumstances around him.
During this period children also develop a more concrete understanding and empathy for the oppressed people.
This is why it is so important to talk to them about what they might see in the news, hear outside the home, or read on social media.
Use these moments to show them how to show genuine interest, support, or speak up and advocate for others.
Kids learn to be grateful when they don't get everything they ask for (Pixels)
Give them everything without teaching them gratitude
Kids learn to be grateful when they don't get everything they ask for.
Make them desire some things that you cannot achieve for them at the moment.
Teach them to say "thank you" even for the simplest things others give them.
Ask them to keep a gratitude journal.
“Our house has a whiteboard on the front door and the kids have to write an answer to a daily question before they leave every day,” says Dr. Baxley. “It often revolves around gratitude.”
Practicing gratitude has endless emotional benefits, and it can also be a key to developing a sense of empathy and altruism.
When children appreciate and feel gratitude for all they have, they may feel more inclined to support those less fortunate.
Not knowing about volunteering
We can't always experience what someone else has gone through, but we can communicate on a human level through volunteering.
Empathy in society occurs through seeing others and trying to understand their lived experiences, in ways that open your heart and support them.
In addition, altruism, defined as caring and dedication to serving others, begins on the basis of "empathy", or the ability to understand another's feelings.
Help your child understand what his classmate is feeling by talking about him (pixels)
How do you help your child?
To help children develop empathy for others and not focus entirely on themselves, parents should focus on emotional intelligence.
When children develop emotional intelligence, they become better at putting themselves in the shoes of others and understanding other experiences and perspectives.
If your child sees that one of his classmates is being annoyed, help your child understand how his classmate is feeling by talking about it. For example, ask him, "How would you feel if you were in his place?"
For children of preschool and kindergarten age, the focus can be simply on participation and fairness.
Like catching your kid's attention when he takes a lot of bowl of food while there are 3 other people who might like it, teaching them that will go a long way in developing awareness of other people's needs and desires.
Children's books are a great way to foster empathy and altruism.
Children can relate to the stories of the characters and use them to complement their life experiences.
Allow your children to fail. Don't think everything for them or give them all the answers they need right away.
If you do, your child will always expect others to serve him, which is selfish.
Failure also lets your child learn to appreciate success.