Gaslighting, a description used by psychologists to refer to a type of serious psychological abuse, based on manipulating the minds, by undermining someone's self-confidence, making them feel afraid and weak, and convincing them that they are delusional or crazy;
By questioning his relationships with others, including marital and family relationships, work relationships, and any other social interactions.
The term is taken from a play called Gas Light, which was performed in London in 1938;
It tells the story of a manipulative husband who slowly deceives his wife into thinking she is crazy, in order to seize her fortune.
It was made into a film in 1944, and the Library of Congress included it in the National Registry, for its cultural and historical significance.
Gas lighting technology
If you find that phrases such as “You must be crazy”, “You don’t know what you are talking about”, “You sure are imagining things” - for example - are repeated by someone in your surroundings, you may be under the influence of “gaslighting”. intentional to manipulate you;
With the aim of questioning your feelings and your awareness of events and the reality around you, confusing you and pushing you to accuse yourself, and submit to what this person wants, says certified psychologist Tina B.
Tessina, by underestimating your feelings, accusing you of overreacting, questioning your memory, or blaming and denying that something even happened.
When you reject his uncomfortable behavior, he changes the subject, arguing that you are the one who made it up.
Also, when he remembers a certain event or something he said, he claims that he cannot remember it, or that it did not happen at all.
Then he resorts to the rumor that you do not remember events accurately, and that you make things up and confuse things, which could threaten your career.
According to the "Healthline" website.
Avoid taking an immediate reaction under the influence of strong feelings of being offended by gaslighting (pixels)
6 tips for coping
Confirmation:
It is important to make sure that you are really exposed to gas lighting, as it is not easy to identify it, because it often starts small and deceptive, and then develops into a repetitive pattern of manipulation, through which someone tries to shed light on you, in order to doubt yourself, and adopt his vision of things.
Although this does not mean that everyone is considered manipulating you, just because they criticized you or gave a different opinion from yours.
Some people cling to their opinion sometimes, no matter how contrary to logic.
One could also inadvertently practice gas lighting;
By not listening to you for lack of time, or by expressing surprise that you exaggerated your reactions to a situation.
Calm:
Avoid taking an immediate reaction under the influence of strong emotions resulting from being offended by gaslighting, such as anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness and fear.
This can help you deal with the situation more effectively.
Your quick irritability, or your denial of what those trying to spotlight you are saying, will not make them hold back, but may encourage them to continue to manipulate you.
In turn, staying calm can help you focus on the truth, and lessen the impact of a false narrative on your confidence.
In addition to the possibility of getting some rest to review the situation, or go out and walk for a while to focus and clear the mind.
Documentation:
because it is not always guaranteed to confront the abuse with gas lighting personally and directly.
Where the importance of documenting your interactions with those who try to launch them against you, by denying the occurrence of a discussion or an event;
Store it in a safe place or keep it on your personal phone.
The documentation will help you go back and verify the truth for yourself whenever you need to;
By saving texts and emails, recording appointments and conversation times, taking photos of any damaged property, or witnessing events to others.
And when you possess the truth, you will need no one, or doubt yourself.
This will enhance your confidence and ability to deal with malicious gas lighting attempts in the future.
Mastery:
being confident in your own version of events, when someone tells them differently from what actually happened, trying to make you ask, “What if their version is the right one?”;
Don't give in to it, because they want you to doubt yourself.
So, if you remember things clearly, repeat them calmly and confidently;
Because showing any evidence you have could push them back.
But if they keep challenging you, don't get carried away by the argument, it will only lead to more stress, and make you more vulnerable to more manipulation.
While your refusal to argue will protect you, it will preserve your power and control over the situation.
When you feel constant gaslighting from someone, limit your contact with them, and avoid meeting them alone as much as possible (Getty Images)
Companionship:
Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, recommends getting unbiased insight, calm guidance and support from people you trust when experiencing a gaslighting attack;
This helps reinforce your knowledge that you are not confused, "crazy" or losing your memory.
So, when you feel constant gaslighting from someone, whether at work or in other social situations;
It is best to reduce your contact with him, and avoid meeting him alone as much as possible.
Instead, have a neutral and trustworthy person join you and listen to the conversation.
Usually a person trying to use gas lighting methods has difficulty manipulating more than one person.
Caring:
focusing on taking care of yourself;
Good self-care can make a difference by improving your state of mind, in the face of creeping fears about gas lighting and its potential impact on your job or relationships, which can extend to all areas of your life and make it difficult to find any pleasure throughout the day.
This makes spending time with friends and family, physical activity and hobbies, relaxation, meditation, good sleep, positive self-talk and reminding them of your accomplishments and strengths to boost your physical and mental health, and help you feel stronger, and better able to counter gas-lighting tactics in your daily life. , and filter out some of the disturbing effects resulting from it.