“Associating with a narcissist is not always just a picnic,” says educational consultant Susan Degges White. Despite the prevalence of the term “narcissism” and its frequent circulation on social media in recent days, the problem remains that the signs of narcissism do not appear easily sometimes.
Indeed, many traits of narcissism only become apparent after becoming involved with a self-centered narcissist, says Ramani Durvasula, author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? How to Survive a Relationship with a Narcissist.
Most of the signs may be so subtle that they make you doubt yourself, and “question whether you are the problem or him.” Rather, the irony is that some of the characteristics that attracted you to your partner, such as elegance, confidence, and strength of character, may in fact be the same that fuel his narcissism.
To find out if your partner is narcissistic, you need to check these signs developed by experts.
Rhythm in the nets of seclusion
“After marriage, narcissists often isolate their spouses from their friends through a slow and methodical process,” says American psychologist Dr. Christina Dorazio.
Once your life changes with marriage and children, you find yourself tempted to drift away from close friends, a process that begins with arguments about not liking each other, and ends with questioning why you were friends with them in the first place.
Narcissists often separate their husbands from their friends with a slow and systematic process (communication sites)
manipulation
"I've never seen a narcissistic marriage that was not a victim of manipulation," says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, through questions and phrases aimed at questioning your reality, memory or perceptions of yourself, such as "Why are you so nervous? Or why don't jokes make you laugh? Or are you a prisoner of the past?" or paranoid."
Sparkle in front of others
Dr. Dorazio talks about the narcissist's keenness to "nourish your insecurities."
Dorazio explains this behavior as "ensures the narcissist that he looks like a wonderful husband in front of people, while at the same time stopping you from thinking about complaining about him later."
Also, "As the compliment he once showered on you fades away, he begins to scatter it on those around you, to deepen your sense of insecurity."
imply jealousy
The narcissist’s exaggeration in praising others, speaking with fascination about someone, or indulging in flirtation in front of you “is not spontaneous or innocent behavior,” according to a report published in 2017, but it is “a strategic move designed to make you feel jealous, as well as fuel your sense of insecurity.”
The researchers note, "narcissists do this in order to gain control and boost their self-esteem."
A narcissist's exaggeration in praise of others is a strategic move designed to make you feel jealous and insecure (Pixels)
Possession of children or jealousy of their care
Dr. Diggis White tells us that "narcissistic couples can express dissatisfaction with the time you spend on childcare by insisting that you focus on them more than the child."
On the other hand, some narcissists turn their focus too heavily on their children (and explain that these children are an extension of them), preoccupying the child, leaving you on the sidelines of the family.
blaming
Because “blaming others is very common narcissistic behavior,” according to research, “narcissists often blame bad behavior from children on the wife’s lack of maternal skills,” says Dr. Dorazio, adding, “narcissists often use their lives Professionalism is an excuse to abdicate their childcare responsibilities.”
Complaining to the family
“narcissists are self-absorbed people who lack empathy,” and so they always complain to those close to them. “The narcissist rushes to talk to your family and friends about a complaint about you, before you have the opportunity to start clarifying your position,” says Dr. Dorazio, who explains that the narcissist is.” removes tension from himself" by complaining.
Dismantling the "love bombs"
“After your conquest by marriage, you no longer need to flirt with love bombs,” says Dr. Dorazio. After marriage, everything that was showered on you by the narcissist stops, from words of love, flowers and gifts, noting that “these extravagant bestowals can sometimes return.” But only when your husband wants something from you that is worth it."
Proud of his narcissism
A study of more than 2,200 people found that “narcissists are almost proud of their narcissism, even if it means selfishness, self-centeredness, and absurdity, and no one hesitates to say (I am a narcissist).”
Narcissists usually don't view their behavior as a problem, and instead "feel perfectly fine and that other people have problems," notes Dr. Susan White.
How do we deal with a narcissist we relate to?
Susan White tells us that “being associated with a narcissist does not mean there is no hope,” and gives these tips for “walking through treacherous waters.”
Intelligence in arguing with him:
because the narcissist sees that he cannot be wrong, and this makes arguing with him next to impossible.
So, Dr. White advises, "it's smart to convince him that he's the source of the right thing to do, or that the great idea for solving the problem was his own."
Ignore his insults:
Insults are the bait that the narcissist wants you to take and interact with, to get into the fight, but if you manage to miss the opportunity, they can't.
Review the motives for choosing him to be a life partner:
It is important to think about the "unconscious reasons" on the basis of which the association with a narcissist occurred, because beginning to understand the motives for this helps to identify solutions.
Revive your relationships:
Return to friends and family, and anyone who can support you "if you notice that your life has become filled with broken ties," according to Dr. Dorazio's recommendation.