We have often enjoyed ourselves at friends who turn raising children into a project of permanent optimization.
Every step is meticulous and planned according to the latest trend from parent forums.
From the eco-sling to the furnishing of the children's room according to Feng Shui to the multilingual daycare (preferably with Mandarin as the first language) - everything so that the baby does not miss its chances of winning the Nobel Prize or Oscar nomination before weaning.
Now it's our turn when it comes to accelerating children - because we have recently become parents.
We can't do anything with Feng Shui, but we have a lot to offer when it comes to hybrid identities: Muslim, Israeli-Jewish, Pakistani and Hessian - all of this is inherent in our child from the cradle.
If it doesn't work out with the Nobel Prize, the mother tongue combination guarantees a career as a Mossad agent.
First teething problems
The "project" Jewish-Muslim child, however, has teething problems. As soon as we applied for the birth certificate, we were kindly informed at the office that a dual religious affiliation - Jewish and Muslim - is not permitted. After a brief consultation in the hallway, we came up with a new suggestion: How about "diverse" as a religious affiliation? With another shake of our head, our progressive objection was crushed. Ultimately, we had to be content with the term “non-denominational”.
Our son's lack of denomination is not only enforced by the state, but also by the religious communities. From the point of view of both orthodoxy, he is neither Jewish nor Muslim. The Jewish religious law, the Halacha, stipulates that being Jewish through the mother, Islamic law regulates that being Muslim is only passed on from the father. A reverse father-mother constellation might be easier from an orthodox point of view - better a one-two than stateless, so to speak.
Sadly, both associations in Germany follow the orthodox view of things so strictly, as if any other interpretation would conjure up the downfall of their own community. It would be worth taking a look beyond the German horizon. One argument in favor of expanding the transmission of religion for both parents would be gender equality.
The patrilinearity in Islam is not without a counterexample: there is a Muslim community on the island of Sumatra in Indonesia, in which the principle of matrilinearity applies, similar to Judaism.
The Minangkabau community is considered to be the largest matriarchal society in the world.
Not only religious affiliation, but also property and even the throne in the royal family is inherited through the line of women.
The deviation is of course a thorn in the side of fundamentalists, and the community is also often attacked by Salafists on the island.
In Islam this is called takfir
The determination of Judaism to be based on maternal succession can also be called into question. The patrilineal principle applied until around AD 200. In America, in response to the spread of mixed marriages, the Central Conference of American Rabbis decided as early as 1983 to recognize children of Jewish fathers as full Jews, provided they were brought up in a Jewish way. Since then, almost all Jewish communities in the West have followed the example. In Germany the clocks tick more slowly:
It was not long ago when the Central Council of Jews declared the poet Max Czollek a non-Jew because he did not have a Jewish mother.
In a liberal, plural society, it is an extraordinary process for a religious association to publicly deny a private person their religious affiliation.
In Islam this is called takfir: a process that is more practiced nowadays in Iran or in Saudi Arabia.
What scares our families
We do not know whether these theological questions will actually occupy our son in the future.
But for our families it is currently a central question: What is he now - Jew or Muslim?
A clear answer is required as quickly as possible.
It starts with the name.
We decided on an Arabic first name and a Jewish surname.
We have created a playlist on Spotify that alternates songs in Hebrew, Arabic and Urdu - from Zionist nursery rhymes from the twenties to verses from the Koran praising God.