Michael Buselmeier built his extremely sincere book about dementia in his wife like a triptych.

“Elisabeth - A Farewell” tells through its structure not only of both helplessness and bewilderment in the face of inexorable progress, but also of the attempt to hold onto the meaning of life, to find a form for dissolution and chaos.

The fact that the eighty-three-year-old Heidelberg writer, poet and city guide is saying goodbye to an "Elisabeth" and calling the woman with whom his life is closely connected must be read as an attempt at rescue.

Despite all the empathy, this motif leads to an almost out-of-date hardness that is worth reading.

In the introductory essay “This nasty age”, Buselmeier also shows himself to be an old man plagued by pain, loss of senses and forgetfulness.

How quickly the time has passed!

Even those with Elisabeth, the proud, beautiful, energetic wife who fought for the revolution, for the husband and children, who earned money as a lecturer in social education for everyone and who also had the strength not to pursue her academic career, however prepare.

After retiring, Elisabeth wanted to write a dissertation with the material she had collected over decades, but instead fell into disrepair, becoming sluggish, clumsy, drowsy, dull, dumb and fat. Instead of starting a new, second life, she falls ill and becomes a stranger to the author. He feels left alone and asks himself whether love for a person with dementia is even possible.

The notes in the second part of the book show what challenges and stumbling blocks this disease presents. As early as 2005, the husband noticed that Elisabeth did not understand some things and became disoriented, depressed and aggressive. But it wasn't until 2008 that a doctor confirmed the fears. The notes, about two to three per month out of fifteen years, now clearly record the typical symptoms, from restlessness and inability to work to aggression and disorientation to forgetting appointments and activities, even getting dressed and washing. On some days everyone breathes a sigh of relief: Then Elisabeth succeeds in one last book review, or she goes to a conference on her own. Far more often, however, it gets lost, remains gone for hours, and has to be looked for. She still rides her bike for a remarkable long time,Only after several falls and injuries is it “finally agreed with the children that Elisabeth will no longer be allowed to ride a bike from now on. Tart incision. End of the city trips. "

When everyday life is put to the test

Buselmeier's regret is unmistakable.

He's already forcing himself to wash his wife's genital area, to put her on against her will and to remove the “poop” that is often distributed in the bathroom.

The intensive conversations with Elisabeth about God and the world have been impossible for a long time, and she no longer copies his poems with the machine.

Then she should at least sometimes quiet down and let him write.

The writer finds it difficult to give up even the last few pleasures with her, the trips together.