JORGE BENÍTEZ
@jorgebmontanes
Updated on Saturday, 14august2021-02: 23
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What a mess of a movie (I) Kylie Minogue, 10 grams of cocaine a day for Van Damme: why Street Fighter is the worst movie of the 90s
What a mess of a movie (II) Glen or glenda: the debut of the worst director in the history of cinema
What a mess of a movie (III) Travolta, aliens and slow motion: highway to disaster
Sorry De Niro: Michael Caine is the best living actor in the world.
Point.
It is true that in the 80s he had bad days and accepted any script.
He did everything for him and you could find him at dawn even at the Teletienda.
But someone who is capable of elevating to aesthetic category the infamy of being put to wash Batman's gayumbos is that he is a superior being.
Caine, who is the best that England has given in a century along with the Aquascutum raincoat and Kate Moss's nose, shows that
Jaws, revenge
deserves to be on this list of junkies.
It is so bad that not even he can save it.
To show how
little this stain mattered to him in his filmography, we
reproduce a fragment of an interview that the actor gave to Australian television.
-
Michael Caine:
What was the name of that movie that is one of the worst I've done?
Shark 4?
-
Presenter:
Jaws, revenge
.
-
MC
: Oh yeah, that one.
I had a small role for which I was paid a million dollars for 15 days of work.
With that money I bought a house for my mother ... On one occasion someone told me: 'I have seen your movie and it is rubbish'.
-
Presenter:
What did you answer him?
-
MC
: That I haven't seen it, but I do see the house that I bought and it's wonderful.
The shark soup that fed all the ribbons that were close to Spielberg's fin are regular, but this time the nonsense is comparable to seeing
Jacques Cousteau playing Faunia's pet
.
Its director, Joseph Sargent, saw this when he described the film as a “
Its director defined the film as a "timer bomb about to explode."
Wow it blew up
».
Well, the timer was shit, because it explodes at 1:28 minute of footage.
A
Sargent
gave him to
be original and that's a crime when unscrupulous and lacking both talent. As he did not know how to impact the viewer, who had already seen the shark die in the three previous films - one does not know if the one who used him is the brother-in-law or the second cousin of the original -, it occurred to him to turn to Freud.
Jaws, revenge
presents us with a conscious bug whose sole purpose is to vendetta against the family of Police Chief Brody, the murderer of his line of great
white
anchovies
. Plus nothing at the speed of an Airbus. In two days, after eating the Brody's youngest son,
he travels 1,700 kilometers to the Bahamas
to find the rest of the family tree. It is a fish of both cold waters and bathtub temperatures.
The protagonists of this cinematic attack are still the Brody. The pater families, who had been brilliantly played by
Roy Scheider
in the first two parts, is supposed to have died of a heart attack (although it is likely that he died when reading this script) and the dramatic weight falls on Lorraine Gary, his wife in the movie. fiction, now a super-grandmother of the family. This was his only starring film and reading the
Chicago Tribune
review
we understand why
: "When you see Gray on the screen and hear his nasal voice you want the shark to eat him
.
"
The whole movie is based on the telekinetic perception of this super-grandmother, who acts like a
blonde boat Cassandra
capable of knowing that the shark does not smell the blood but the paternity tests.
His eldest son, who happens to be a marine biologist, thinks his mother is like a chota and takes her to the Nassau sun to relax a bit.
What you don't know is that the Pullmantur shark is on the prowl.
This is the approach.
Then come the knot and the denouement, both similar at the oligophrenic level.
After a couple of scares at sea, including an attack on Granddaughter Brody when she's riding a banana pulled by a boat, Super-grandmother says enough.
She rides alone in a super sailboat heading to the deep sea with the conviction that if the shark eats her, her family will have peace.
When this 70-studded Vestal Virgin goes to sacrifice herself to the Sumerian gods of the ocean, her son, his unbearable friend, and Sir Michael Caine come to the rescue.
Don't worry, they go by seaplane and the sharks don't fly.
Ah no, that the shark eats the seaplane and Michael Caine ... Nor, that Michael Caine survives and arrives swimming at the boat.
It does not matter that in the following plan your shirt is already dry.
During filming Caine won his first Oscar for 'Hannah and Her Sisters
The shark is still there. Then, the viewer remembers that they have placed an electronic tracking device in a sequence 25 minutes ago, so it occurs to the friend of the funny girls to launch some remote control shocks with a Fisher Price type control just before being swallowed. The plan works and the shark goes crazy due to the lack of cerebral irrigation and,
after a few jumps of a patient with osteoporosis in yoga class,
explodes. Of course, the friend emerges to the surface, surely mutilated, and in his pool of blood he makes a joke. End.
If part of the greatness of the original film, which is Spielberg's best to date,
was in not showing the predator until the last third of the story,
there is no suspense game here.
So every time the animal comes out, it laughs.
It looks like a mat bought from a Chinese bazaar in Benidorm inflated with steroids.
It also looks like a bell (sharks don't have) taken from an ad for sugar-free gum.
Jaws, revenge
was sad from the beginning.
Nominated for
seven Razzie awards
-the antiOscar-, few seem, it turned out so bad that Universal decided to abandon the saga and settle for keeping the bug as a mascot of its amusement park.
When one sees her more than 30 years later, one imagines the creative stimulus her viewing must have provided for Anthony C. Ferrante, future director of the
Sharknado
franchise
, who in 1987 must have been
a pee with pimples and without any plausible friction with a woman or man
, because he understood the message that the film throws: modesty is overrated.
Ironies of life, when Michael Caine fought the shark, he was awarded the Oscar for his work on
Woody Allen's
Hannah and Her Sisters
.
He could not attend the ceremony because by contract he could not interrupt the filming.
At least he bought a hell of a house.
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