While Djeloul had been in a relationship with Esther for three years, his parents, opposed to this relationship, forced him to marry another woman in Algeria.
Esther and Djeloul tell Olivier Delacroix how family pressures got the better of their love affair.
TESTIMONY
When Esther and Djeloul meet on the Internet, they immediately fall in love. But despite three years of living together, their union was never accepted by Djeloul's family because Esther is not of Muslim faith. For Djeloul, the family pressure is too great. He eventually gives in and marries a woman chosen by his parents. After his marriage, Djeloul finds Esther. But when he learns that his wife is pregnant, he decides once again to break up. The couple tells their forbidden love story to Olivier Delacroix.
Esther remembers her meeting with Djeloul: "It was love at first sight between us. We had the feeling and we kissed. It was very fast. It was not at all planned. It was a gallant and very caring man. These are qualities that you find in few people unfortunately. And besides, he is not ugly. I think he was not attached to me at first. "Never said, but you can feel it. I think that's what I liked. He was inaccessible.
When I met him he said to me on the first date, 'I'm warning you, I believe in God.
I am a practicing Muslim '.
He explained everything to me from the start.
That's what I liked because I didn't know much about it.
I believe in God, but Djeloul told me: 'You know, it will be difficult because you are not a Muslim and you already have children'.
He made me understand that he wanted to make his parents proud.
I had to be the woman her parents dreamed of. "
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No project was taking place
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Djeloul confirms Esther's words about their first meeting: "I didn't click with Esther from the start. It was little by little, with complicity, that love came. said that everything I wanted and what was wanted for me, she had it. My parents warned me: 'Is she always going to react positively to our way of life? And above all, will she be ready to accept the Muslim religion? '"
Esther continues: "We lived for three years in a common-law relationship. He still lived with his parents. After three years, I wanted to make things happen. We loved each other and everything was going wonderfully, but no plans were made. There was no baby or marriage, so for me it's important to build a new life. We settled down together. Everything was going very well except that Djeloul spent a lot of time at home. his parents. I blamed him for that, even though we got along very well. "
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The color of skin and the origin, it is nothing
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During these three years of life together, Esther only met Djeloul's parents twice. Their second meeting went very badly, recalls Esther: "His mother said to me: 'You leave my son alone. I was very shocked because his mother had never shown me that face." Djeloul continues: "It was a total clash. She was received like rotten fish. She wanted to be humble, kind, helpful and they took her down to give me this negative image of her, because they don't want to. not accept the differences.
My family never accepted Esther.
They always wanted to give me a false image of her because they don't know her.
Only I can know her.
I don't understand how they can judge.
I put my cards on the table: 'You want me to sit with a Muslim?
What are the qualities?
If I have found a person who has all of these qualities, skin color and background, it is nothing.
If she has all the qualities required, why don't you accept her? '"
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I abandoned Esther and I blame myself
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The family pressure was then accentuated, confides Esther: "Djeloul had often told me that there would be difficulties if we stayed together, but I was far from imagining how difficult it was going to be. vacation, her mother called her every day, something she never did when we lived together. I asked Djeloul why. He got angry and said: 'It's my mother, yes. she wants to call me every day, she does. You're not going to get between her and me. '"
Djeloul continues: "My mother felt that I could escape. She called every day to tell me that she could introduce me to a woman who could cherish me and beautify me. I already had this with Esther. In the end. in fact, I gave in because I told myself that they were my elders and that they did not mean harm to me. "
After living for 25 years in France, Djeloul agreed to return to Algeria to marry this woman.
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Djeloul used the marriage of a cousin as an excuse to leave and did not give Esther any more sign of life: "It's abandonment. I really abandoned Esther and I blame myself. Overnight, I went to Algeria. I got married. I brought my wife to France to be able to live with her here. For me, it was important that she was there because otherwise I was not going to hold out. felt that I was going to find Esther. My memory was going to give me a slap and say: 'It's not her that you love, it's Esther' '"
Esther then tries to forget Djeloul: "When I no longer give any sign of life, Djeloul reappears in my life, while things are better and I turn the page. He says he regrets, without telling me what that happened. We keep seeing each other secretly, because I'm ashamed. He left overnight, everyone thinks he's a bastard, my family saw me in pain, and I'm going back with him. My sister understands that we continue to see each other. She is obviously against. She tells me that he is married. It was a slap in the face, because for me, a marriage is important. "
Djeloul explains why he hid his marriage from Esther: "I don't like the term 'lying'. I hid things from him to avoid hurting her. A sensitive woman like Esther, it's easy to hurt her. I have to protect her. It's all my fault. When I said 'yes' it was the mistake of my life. But for me it was like an obligation. I'm the oldest in the family. I must set an example. I must not give a bad image of our family. I accepted it out of love for my family and to avoid being told: 'I deny you, you are no longer my son' . "
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I forgave him
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Eventually, Djeloul left his wife and came back to live with Esther. She forgave him, she confides: "It's a day parole because he is still married. It's not full freedom. It's on the right track. I don't blame him. of everything that happened. I forgave him because I can understand that it was not easy on his end. I don't feel any anger. It is rather incomprehension vis à vis of her family. Why so much contempt for me? I don't understand. What matters is her balance and her happiness. "
Djeloul worries about the reaction of his parents: "I still have problems because I know that on the other side, it's crying and talking. My ears are whistling. I know they will try to find a solution to make me fall for it. That's why I need Esther's support. "
She continues: "Usually, I am optimistic, but there, I am always in doubt. When he will have divorced, we will get married and we will have a child. There, I will say to myself that our core is solid. With everything. that I caught myself, if he falters again, it might be one too many times. "
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I have compassion for this woman
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But a new ordeal awaits the couple. Djeloul learns that the woman he married in Algeria is pregnant. For Esther, the announcement of this pregnancy is a new shock: "Why did he have a child so quickly? They tricked him. I have to think so. For them, marriage is without. back. When you get married, it's not to divorce. For them, this baby is the double trick in the lock of the prison in which they locked him.
I don't feel proud to have broken this marriage, as her family might think.
I have compassion for this woman, although she had a child with the man I love.
I am not jealous of her.
I do not blame him.
I tell myself that she is a victim just like me in this story, a victim of traditions and the grip of the family.
She does not yet know love.
Love is not one-sided, it is two-way. "
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They got me to wear out
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Djeloul finally chose to return to live with his wife and child. He explains the reasons for his choice: "I gave in so as not to have any more pressure, blame and guilt towards my family. They have worn me down. I have been psychologically worn out. I feel guilty about it. to everyone. If I had been firm from the start with my parents, I would never have done any harm. When you get married, parents give their word too. I don't want to smear my family. I accept People say things about me, but I wouldn't accept bad words about my family. "