10 years ago Olga and her husband adopted their son when he was five and a half years old.

Since the sudden death of her husband four years ago, Olga's son, now 16, has been expressing suicidal thoughts and running away.

On "La Libre antenna" of Europe 1, Olga confides her concerns to Sabine Marin.

TESTIMONY

Olga and her husband adopted their son when he was five and a half years old.

Four years ago, Olga's husband suddenly passed away.

Her death was difficult for Olga and her son.

Today, the latter is 16 years old.

He expresses suicidal thoughts and runs away a lot.

At the microphone of Sabine Marin, on "La Libre antenna" of Europe 1, Olga confides to be very worried for her son, but explains to be followed, too, to be able to accompany her son as well as possible.

>> Listen to Olga's testimony in full here

“My husband and I adopted our son ten years ago in China. We were thrilled and happy. He was five and a half years old. He was a big one. His arrival went well. He adapted very well. quick to everything. Four years ago my husband died suddenly. It was very complicated, both for my son and for me. For two years, my son has not been doing very well. different ways. 

For the past year, it has been in the form of runaways and perpetual conflicts with the adult, whether it is me or his teachers.

He expresses a deep despair, a discomfort that locks him in.

This year at Christmas he expressed very clear suicidal thoughts.

I am very worried about my son.

I have the feeling that I can no longer give him hope and the will to live.

I feel like I just can't seem to reach out to him in the right way or that he doesn't want it anymore, I don't know.

"

It also weakens me to see that I am helpless

"

He just celebrated his 16th birthday. He is followed by a worker from the adolescent center where we live. I also recently asked them for help for me, because I need to be supported in my step as a mother to support her as well as possible. Being alone and facing all your anxieties and running away is not easy at all. It also weakens me to see that I am helpless. This feeling of helplessness, I had to face it with what was happening with my husband. Reliving it is complicated and it puts me in a position that I don't like. 

It doesn't match my character.

I am rather pugnacious.

I hold on, I face.

I go forward.

Rather, that's my mentality: never let go.

I don't like things to escape me.

The cord is cut.

I leave him all his share of autonomy, his world and his friends.

I fully accept it.

I am a teacher, so I know how much the teenagers detach themselves and that it is sometimes a separation which passes by phases and which can be brutal. 

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Sometimes I worry about the adult he may become.

I see him so badly in his sneakers today, I know it's going to take him a while.

It's hard to have to stay next to him, while staying in my place, being benevolent and enveloping.

The right balance for him is difficult to measure.

So I met an educator from the adolescent house because I explained to them that I was worried about running away.

I find it difficult to manage the moment of the runaway.

For me, it is very worrying not to know where he is, if he is going to come back and what is happening to him.

The last one was very difficult, because he had left notes clearly referring to a fatal gesture. This is what was very complicated for me to manage. The educator tells me that this feeling of helplessness is normal, that I don't have to feel guilty and that these are difficult times to go through. I also have the advantage of having a positive outlook because I know he will manage. "