In "Sans Rendez-vous", Tuesday, Catherine Blanc responds to Emma, ​​a listener who worries about never arguing with her husband and wonders if this is normal.

For the sex therapist, a couple can go perfectly well without going through any difficulties, but neither should one fall into denial or be blind to the reality of the other.

Is it normal never to argue with your partner and that at the same time, everything is just as well sexually?

In Sans rendez-vous, Tuesday, on Europe 1, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers the question of a listener who, faced with the problems of other couples, is worried about having nothing to reproach her own.

She wonders if it is normal not to observe tensions in her relationship and if that could mean that her relationship is ultimately bad.

Emma's question

I listen to you regularly and each time, I discover everyone's concerns.

And that worries me, because in my relationship, I have no problem.

Everything is going well.

We never argue with my husband and in bed everything is going well.

So I wonder if this is normal?

Catherine Blanc's response

"We come back to this famous question of normality. If we consider that normality is the greatest number, then we can ask ourselves the question of normality to go well. That being so, that does not mean that you have to go badly and the couple can only go badly. But you need to know a little more, for example how long they have been together? not arguing and that sexuality is fine, that does not mean that there is a problem, as if you always have to be in tension. Some people have the feeling that the relationship only makes sense if you are contradicts, that if one quarrels to revive the impetus in love, as if there was only happiness on the edge of a difficulty or a danger.

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The couple relationship is not a merger and to the extent that it is not a merger, by definition, there is obviously a contradiction.

If there is no contradiction, it is a little as if we were in the denial of the other.

So we don't hear, we don't see what is different from ourselves.

And suddenly, we get along wonderfully with ourselves, feminine or masculine.

Or, it is precisely for this reason that we chose the other, because he does not come to jostle our own outlook on life.

However, the reality of a couple is obviously contradictions because we do not have the same stories, and not the same sex if applicable. 

It's a bit like when you learn French to do an essay.

You learn an argument and a counter argument.

And it's not going to destroy you to think other than like you, or to listen.

We grow precisely in this skill to evoke, to verbalize his emotion, his need, his desire, his values.

And it is very interesting and necessary to listen to another point of view, even if it is to feed your own thinking and sometimes even, to hurt your own thinking.

Remain clear-sighted on the reality of the other

We can advise Emma to open her ears a little more and her gaze on the other, if only to see if it is still in adequacy.

But maybe it's just because everyone can see that there are times when they don't agree.

And when that happens, it might mean that anyway, they're smart enough to be able to talk together, understand the other's point of view, each put water in their wine, know how to hold their positions and to be respected by the other when we hold our positions.

As such, it's absolutely wonderful and I wish it on everyone, because it actually contributes to the maturity of a couple.

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As for the question of knowing if Emma is too in love to see what is wrong, that raises the notion of "too much in love", which does not mean being in denial of reality.

To be too much in love does not mean to be blind to the reality of the other, it is to be able to love the other, even in his disorders.

To love one's children strongly, for example, does not mean that one should not see that they are dangerous, tyrannical or thieves.

No, on the contrary, you have to be completely clear-sighted about the reality of who they are to help them grow and reconsider their position. "