Warsaw (AFP)

Kamila Lewandowska-Nowak, from Warsaw, knew that the baby boy she was expecting, her third child, might not survive the pregnancy, but the news of the baby's cardiac arrest in the last trimester hit her hard .

"Emptiness, despair, sadness and a million other emotions echoed in me. But I also experienced this feeling of helplessness - what do I tell children?" this 39-year-old woman.

This decision to maintain the pregnancy despite a serious fetal anomaly was his, his conviction.

But, for many women facing this terrible diagnosis in Poland, it is now no longer a choice since the ban on abortion in such cases.

Faced with her distress, Ms. Lewandowska-Nowak called a psychologist from the perinatal hospice who had surrounded her family from the diagnosis.

The existence of these establishments is not widely known, but recently the term has spread across Poland, inscribed on countless posters depicting a baby in a heart-shaped womb.

In accordance with the wishes of the right in power, justice has left this country declared Catholic with an almost total ban on abortion.

The only exceptions are cases of rape or incest and when the mother's health is in danger.

- "Do not force to heroism" -

Abortion was still legal in cases of fetal malformation when Ms Lewandowska-Nowak learned that her son had Edwards syndrome, a genetic condition causing severe developmental impairment and, for most babies, death before or during childbirth.

"I appreciate that we got to hug him, kiss him and rock him. That we then have a place to go visit him," she said, referring to little Gabriel's grave.

Although she never considered having an abortion, Lewandowska-Nowak believes that no one in such a situation should be forced to carry the pregnancy against their will.

"You can't force anyone to heroism. Because that's what it comes down to, right? In difficult cases like mine, I would let the woman decide," she says, rich in experience. with the Warsaw Perinatal Hospice, whose founder Joanna Szymkiewicz-Dangel, pediatrician and fetal cardiologist, defends freedom of choice.

"Having spent more than 20 years with pregnant women, I know that we have no right to judge anyone," the 65-year-old Catholic told AFP.

Some women hesitate: "I have already seen women go back and forth about ten times. They were already on their way to the hospital to terminate their pregnancy and then they said no. And they were going home."

"It is not an easy decision. Let us not forget that most of these women wanted to be pregnant ... She is their precious child, whatever her illness."

- Free -

Its hospice is the oldest and by far the largest in the country.

Each year, it provides palliative care to more than 400 women diagnosed with fetal abnormalities.

According to Ms. Szymkiewicz-Dangel it "ensures that the pregnancy continues in the best possible conditions for the woman and the child ... protecting it from any unnecessary, prolonged and futile treatment".

The hospice offers medical and psychological consultations as well as training on the daily life of parents of a sick child.

Managed by an NGO, the center accepts public funds and donations to be able to provide its services free of charge.

Sometimes doctors give of their own time.

According to Szymkiewicz-Dangel, neither the court verdict nor the poster campaign brought more women to her establishment.

"Patients are still not told they can benefit from psychological support," she said, many doctors simply ignoring the existence of perinatal palliative care, some seeing it even as a waste of public funds.

- Life after death -

After losing her son, Lewandowska-Nowak joined a bereaved parent support group at the hospice which her husband said helped her more than he could have been able to.

"Everyone has their own way of dealing with such a situation and my wife certainly needed to talk about it more," Adam Nowak told AFP.

"Me, personally I preferred to keep the emotions in me, for me, so we would certainly have known more conflicts", estimates this 38-year-old computer engineer.

Ms Lewandowska-Nowak said she was grateful for any opportunity to talk about her son as it keeps his memory alive.

"He's one of my kids. I really don't like it when people ignore him," she says.

The future of the family is written again in letters of hope, with the couple eight months expecting a healthy baby boy.

© 2021 AFP