In "Sans Rendez-vous", the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds to France, who, while her husband confessed to her that he had been unfaithful twenty years earlier, paradoxically noted an increase in her libido.

She wonders if this is likely to fall again.

From Monday to Friday, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychoanalyst answers a question asked by a listener.

This Thursday, she responds to France, married for 40 years, who has seen an increase in her libido since her husband confessed to her having cheated on her 20 years earlier.

The specialist assures us that this is normal because it arouses jealousy, and that it is a way of "attaching the other to oneself".

The question of France

I have been married for 40 years and my husband confessed to me that he cheated on me 23 years ago.

But since this announcement a few weeks ago, I have sexual urges.

I often want to make love with him and I have huge orgasms.

It's great, but I'm afraid it won't last.

I'm afraid my body will react to the deception and then everything will fall out.

Is it a passing fancy?

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Catherine Blanc's response

We would tend to believe that after a deception, our libido decreases, but in fact not always.

There is what can make me feel devalued, betrayed, manipulated, which would lead to a drop in libido.

But there is everything that is at the origin of our conquest: part of our desire, part of our erotic and sexual staging comes from the fact that I need to attach the other to me, to show him all the perspectives and all the interest that I can represent.

Knowing that he was able to cheat on me, all of a sudden, I want to put the embers back in the hearth to nurture the quality of the relationship.

The idea that there are rivals is also one of the reasons for our excitement, with the desire to be better than the neighbor.

It is competition that is at work.

Unfortunately, in our couples, we end up thinking that we belong to each other, that there will always be time to mend tomorrow, that we will make love this weekend because there we are. tired, etc.

So we should always be worried that the other will go elsewhere? 

It's not about being worried, it's realizing that we always tend to postpone until tomorrow.

In general, the quality of relationships is when we accept that the other is not me, that the other does not belong to me and that therefore I am always on the move to please him.

We live as if it was the last day of our life.

All this must remain in a dynamic and we tend to get bogged down by dint of habit and that's a shame.

Won't the best sex send the wrong message to a husband?

He cheated on her but she's still there, so it's okay?

We can consider that the idea of ​​jealousy stimulates and therefore he could, if he was a little kinky - we all are a little - be in a regular action to put on the grill his wife.

There, we must obviously be careful.

But otherwise it is more a question of understanding the strength of the relationship against all odds and the risk that it runs of losing this quality of relationship.

I think that unconsciously, it is rather what is played for France.

Can this increase in libido fall back?

This will only fall if she falls asleep, which would re-solicit infidelity.

And there, we would find ourselves in a little unhealthy stuff.

We must therefore find how to consolidate the couple, find springs and always remain proactive because the life of the other does not belong to us.

We could lose the quality of a relationship and a love in the name of falling asleep.

We are not sleeping beauties.