Are you one of the mothers who, if they sit somewhere in the house, your children of all ages will wrap around you competing to get the place closest to you, or are you one of the mothers who, if found in a place where the children disappeared and went to another room to avoid your endless negative orders and comments?
Some may think that the second model does not exist, and that we are talking about the mother in the end and everyone loves her and prefers to sit next to her in all cases, but the truth is that because of the pressure on mothers for what they must accomplish with their children, whether on the educational or educational level, in addition to compensation for social life Due to the lockdown and COVID-19, things sometimes go unreasonable.
Children need positive instructions every day (Getty Images)
Continuous suffering for mothers
Rana, a housewife and mother of two, says that she does not send negative messages to her children, and only asks them to finish their work as required, except that they do not do so, and if they did it was the wrong way.
This makes her angry and makes her come back to them to do the thing better, so the children get annoyed and run away from her.
As for Abeer, she is a teacher, and she dreamed a lot that her children would like her when they grow up and go all their way, but all her dreams evaporated while they were still young children.
She says that whenever she was in a room, her children all went to another room to avoid helping her at home and to avoid asking her about what they had accomplished of their duties, adding, "It is a very bad feeling. I feel offended, disliked and alienated."
Abeer wonders about the mistake she made, and why the children do not do what they have to do easily and easily without having to repeat asking them to do so more than once, especially since they are no longer young?
Rania, a doctor and mother of three, says that the whole day may not be enough from morning until evening to finish urging her three children to finish the basic things that must be done every day, such as washing, arranging their rooms, finishing their homework and delivering them on time.
She says they are the same things that need to be done every day, and the same things that they hate asking them to finish each day.
What is the solution?
As for Heba, a mother of two daughters, she does not want to lose her good relationship with her two daughters, especially since one of them has already started adolescence.
So she began to reduce her nervousness and focus on only one or two requests during the day, such as completing duties and maintaining prayer, for example.
Why does this happen?
The relationship between the mother and the children may worsen because the mother is a figure who aspires to the ideal, and she pressures her children to be so, and this is what alienates the children, as they prefer playing to the completion of their duties on time and in the required manner.
Some mothers also try hard to avoid their children making mistakes or trying something that may lead to loss, so they work to protect them all the time by providing advice and guidance in excess, which leads to alienation of their children.
The increased urge to get things done the way we aspire to make them turn away.
Other times, the mother may not understand the character and nature of her son, perhaps he is a slow child or takes a long time to finish matters, and this disturbs her, the mother must understand the way and nature of her son in accomplishing things.
When we raise our voices, we automatically put our children on the defensive (pixels).
The best way
Many parents admit that they may yell at their children more than 10 times a day, and say they do so because they want their kids to listen, says writer with a master's degree in psychology Ariadne Brill. And they cooperate with them, and this does not happen.
As a mother of three, Brill says that sometimes we feel that screaming is the only option to get children to start listening, especially if the time is short, and the behaviors are out of bounds, but the problem is that shouting at children does not help them focus on doing what is required of them.
To encourage your children to listen and collaborate, Braille offers 4 proactive strategies:
Setting boundaries early, by explaining boundaries and rules at home, means getting rid of a lot of problems well before they grow and lead you to chase your children and scream at them.
Maintaining boundaries also helps children learn to trust and stick to your guidelines.
Set expectations, school-age children are often not interested in doing homework.
When you know this, you can expect what they will do.
When our expectations match our children's capabilities, our requests will be better handled and no shouting or urging will be necessary.
Ask questions that invite cooperation. Questions can motivate children to do their own tasks without having to repeat, such as by telling them, "What do you still need to do now?", "Did you forget something you had to do before going to bed?" This kind of question is one of the favorite things to motivate children, and it calls for cooperation while allowing children to feel empowered and competent.
Often children will do what is required of them when it is done face to face when talking to them at or below their eye level.
On top of speaking kindly and definitely lowering your voice.
According to Truparenting, the louder the parents' voice, the less their children will hear, although we believe that the louder sound penetrates the ears and increases the hearing.
But the problem is that when we raise our voices, we automatically put our children on the defensive.
Motivating children to participate in housework, do their homework, and play kindly with a sibling are tasks that we feel are never ending.
But children are growing up, and they need positive guidance every day, and although it seems like they are putting in a bit more effort, that will change in the long term.