In "Sans Rendez-vous", the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds Monday to a listener who wonders about the loyalty of her partner at the start of their relationship.

She wanted to know if she should bring up the subject again a year later, and said she was ready to hear a positive response from him.

Monday in the show "Sans Rendez-vous", the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds to Annick, who has been in a relationship for a year.

She says that at the beginning of her relationship, she felt that her partner was having another affair.

She had asked him the question and the answer had been no.

Today, she is wondering if she should talk to him about it again.

For the sex therapist, there is no real point in stirring up the past. 

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Annick's question

Being still with her partner for a year now, Annick wonders if she should ask him again the question of if he had another relationship at the beginning of their story.

"Should I or can I ask him the question again? I feel ready for a positive answer, precisely because our relationship is working very well".

Catherine Blanc's response

"What's the point? Since we're doing well, do we really need to see if the origin of our relationship was based on some misunderstanding or some accommodation? It's only important for building the individual himself, so that he can see clearly, so that he can see the path he has taken, so that he notes that, perhaps before, things were not very clear and that today 'yes, they are for him. If he needs to say' you know, at first I was not sure of myself, I was looking a little to the right, to the left. I was not sure of my commitment , but today that is not the case. '

There, possibly, we can talk about it, even if it risks weakening the person in front of him. 

Why look back?

Ask him the question to ask him the question, it's a bit like when we tell ourselves after years of a relationship 'before you I had such and such a type of man or that type of woman, I experienced such and such a type of 'experiences'.

In fact, it has no interest.

We are looking into the here and now.

We are in the process of building ourselves there.

We are building there.

Should we look back every time?

What scares us in the present and in the future so that we always have to look at this not always very peaceful past?

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The most interesting thing about Annick's question is that she says that if he confesses to her that he cheated on her, she is ready to accept it.

That now she is able to hear since she feels secure in her bond with him, in what he sends back to her.

So today, she is no longer in fragile dispositions.

Why question his present relationship?

The question is to say to myself that if I am able to see how my relationship is today, I can also hear that it was not always of the same nature and of the same security.

Whether the other is lost or has been in insecurity is another time in his history.

You can't spend your life judging people in the here and now, based on what they've done, always on the premise that if they did, they'll do it again.

No, we have the right to grow up.

We have the right to get lost sometimes.

We have the right to have experienced things and to have drawn personal conclusions from them.

In effect, the person is now with her.

And to doubt this point is to doubt the strength of their relationship today, of everything they have built together and to question it on a past, a youth.

You should not go titillate things to scare yourself.

It raises the question of whether, in the end, we don't always want to weaken our relationships rather than enjoying what they are capable of. "