Why does the Moment of Friends "evaporate" frequently after the fourth grade
0-6 years old are sun-dried every day, children are cute in everything they do;
In the first and second grades, they often go to the sun, and the child has to be praised, wear a red scarf, and become a health committee;
Occasionally in the third grade, after publishing the composition and paintings written by the children, they began to complain that they couldn't help them;
The fourth grade began to disappear, and the sun was once every few months;
The fifth grade is gone, complaining about the loss of life with homework, cheering for the price reduction of the heart stent;
The sixth grade disappeared completely, and nothing was said, just like never having a child...
Not long ago, a text by Yang Yue, a parent-child parenting expert, resonated with many parents. On Sina Weibo, the topic "#朋友圈没有晒娃的因#" quickly became a hot search, with 190 million views and discussions. Up to 29,000.
After a long period of observation, Yang Yue discovered an interesting phenomenon: over 70% of children “disappeared” from their parents’ circle of friends after the fourth grade. When you see these evaporated children next time, maybe they have already Go to college.
Why do parents become less and less enthusiastic about posting babies on social platforms as their children grow older?
Is it the "sacred beast" entering the youth rebellious period, so that parents with headaches have no desire to sunbathe; or is the child's learning from worrying to frustrating, so that some parents who were originally "sei" lose their confidence in sunbathing?
From full of enthusiasm to a gradually tired circle of friends
In the circle of friends of Ms. Tan Lan in Baise, Guangxi, her son has been "missing" for almost two years.
At one time, Tan Lan was also a baboon madman in the circle of friends.
For her son’s birthday, attend an event in the kindergarten, or even change a new hairstyle, she will take pictures of Jiugonggefa Moments with great interest and carefully compose essays.
Especially when my son was 8 years old, when he was a beginner in soft pen calligraphy, a group of works attracted many relatives and friends to watch in the circle of friends. The comment area was all such as "young age, I have seen the style of the pen" and "the little calligrapher is awesome" Since then, Qin Lan will show her son's work to her relatives and friends every three days and a half, and she has nearly a hundred likes and comments at every turn, making her feel full of accomplishment.
As the child enters the upper grades of elementary school, Qin Lan's mood when facing her son gradually changes from never being bored to seeing it.
As an auxiliary police officer, she is used to working vigorously and vigorously, but she tutors her children with homework every day, and the procrastination of her son while playing and writing has tortured her so badly.
"Visually inspect the homework that can be completed in two and a half hours, sometimes I work overtime until 10 o'clock at night and he hasn't finished it. After an hour, I will check it and I haven't finished it! It's thorough!"
Qin Lan not only has no interest in teaching children in the circle of friends, but also has made new progress in the basketball and calligraphy fields where her son is good, and gradually lost her enthusiasm for drying.
"I thought my son was very talented, but later found out that many of the children in his class are versatile, including piano players, Latin dancers, and taekwondo. Everyone is not doing it much now, worrying about their children's "three-legged cat Kung Fu". Come out to laugh and be generous".
Sometimes on weekends, Tan Lan takes her son to go karting at the amusement park, or goes back to his hometown to teach his son how to cook bamboo rice and fish.
She will take a lot of photos during parent-child trips, but these precious photos are generally only shared among family members. “Try not to post fun content in the circle of friends. I am afraid that people will say that we are fun and do not seek improvement. And in a group of people Criticizing or showing off your child in front of people you know is not good for your child’s mental growth."
The son of Ms. Liu who works in a public institution in Beijing is already in the sixth grade of elementary school this year.
After her son’s 4-year-old annual report in Taekwondo interest class, Ms. Liu met a group of mothers of children of the same age.
She discovered that before enrolling in interest classes for their children, mothers basically exposed their children to eating, drinking, and having fun; before 4-6 years old children went to elementary school, they used their children to participate in various tutoring interest classes and participate in various certificate exams. Mainly; after the child goes to elementary school, the parents get a lot of troubles of tutoring their children with homework and failing their exams.
"The period of time after the final exams and the beginning of the winter vacation at school must be the peak period of the parents’ circle of friends." Ms. Liu said that during this time, in addition to various award certificates, results, and There is also a Versailles style fancy dressing baby similar to "Promising the child to take him to Disney when he is admitted to the top 10 of grade, to fulfill his promise."
Ms. Liu said that most mothers will gradually enter a period of burnout after their children enter the upper grades.
Because the grades of the children in the class are getting bigger and bigger, there are still many flags (meaning the goals set publicly) that parents set up when their children are in the lower grades, which have been beaten by reality. Parents who have entered a middle-age crisis gradually recognize a reality: Sometimes it’s better to bask in the flowers and grass on the balcony—in terms of children’s education, not every bit of hard work will yield a reward, and not every question has a corresponding correct answer.
Behind the "fourth grade evaporation phenomenon"
Zhang Chi, an art test tutor in Zibo, Shandong, keeps the update frequency of the circle of friends basically at the daily update. Of the more than 30 original shares in the past month, only 3 are related to his 8-year-old son. He changed a piece of diapers and bites when he was a child. A pacifier needs to be wound up. Compared with the "Announce the World" in her circle of friends, the daily sharing of parent-child interaction in her circle of friends is obviously less.
In the past month, apart from my son immersing himself in Lego, it seemed that there was only one experience of queuing to buy sugar balls, which was not a boring daily experience.
Zhang Chi believes that it is not so much the phenomenon of "evaporation" in the fourth grade, and the frequency of parents "sunbathing" has decreased. On the one hand, children's time is no longer solely owned by parents, and entertainment time is increasingly squeezed by schoolwork. More and more "stingy" to share with their parents; on the other hand, the pressure from work and the airtightness of the family makes parents more and more "difficult", because they can't control firewood, rice, oil or salt, where can I care about singing poetry with my children?
Even on weekends, she and her son have to go between the special classes of spoken English, hard pen calligraphy, basketball and painting, and even count the time on the road every minute.
The enthusiasm for exploring the fun of getting along with parents and children is gradually eroded in each day of repetition.
Ms. Hu Dan, who is in charge of landscape design in a foreign company in Beijing, said frankly that employees in their 30s to 40s are the main force of the company. The pressure of work in big cities and the pressure of children's studies will make one's mentality old and sensitive to the joy of life. The degree has also dropped, "I don't have time or mind to run my own circle of friends."
In addition, she goes to work during the day and tutors her children at night. Sometimes the children are noisy and do not listen to the church and cause family conflicts. After a busy day, she has no time and mood to post on the Moments. She smiled slightly and said: "It's so tired that I don't have the mind. Clear, not fluent in expression, let alone posting to Moments."
"Workplace internal scrolls are cruel enough. Is it possible to invest more in the education of the next generation than anyone else?" Hu Dan's circle of friends, "other people’s kids", went to take the IELTS and TOEFL tests in the third grade, and spoke very well. Fluent, I spent 15,000 yuan for my child to enroll in an English class for communicating with foreign teachers twice a week. The money to spend and the class reported have not fallen at all, but "the gap between people is still that big."
Seeing the involution of education in the next generation intensified, Hu Dan felt deeply anxious, "The problem of introductory education is unsolvable, sometimes it can only be blind to the eyes and not bothered." In her opinion, it seems that everyone is the only one who restrains each other. "Especially by showing achievements and talents, can we leave some respect for each other in the adult world.
In Yang Yue's view, most families with children above grade 4 are unhappy. Even if the children don’t have to worry about learning, their parents will be anxious about small promotion and other problems. What's more, children who don’t have to worry about learning are better than pandas. Even less.
Every child has its own problems. Even if you don’t have to worry about learning, there are other problems. No parent will tell others about the worrying side of their children, so the majority of them do not speak, and there is nothing to show off. , I didn’t want to say that the child was not good, so I just stopped talking, and gradually formed the "fourth grade evaporation phenomenon."
In addition, as children grow older and enter puberty, rebellion becomes more serious, making parent-child interactions less intimate than before. This is also one of the reasons why the older the child, the less the parents "show baby".
Wang Lin from Qingdao, Shandong has two daughters. The eldest daughter is in the third grade of this year and the younger daughter is only in the second grade.
Under Wang Lin's leadership, the youngest daughter developed the habit of reciting classic ancient poems every day from preschool, and now she is able to recite high school texts such as "Pipa Xing" and "Jiang Jinjiu".
Wang Lin is keen to make videos of the moments when his little daughter recites poems, upload them to the circle of friends, and check in every day.
The youngest daughter has already regarded checking in the circle of friends video as part of her daily life. Sometimes, if Wang Lin forgets to record the video, she will actively remind her.
But unlike the younger daughter’s daily video check-in, the eldest daughter rarely shows her face in Wang Lin’s circle of friends, and she seems to be afraid of Wang Lin’s shots. The younger sister and father recorded the video together to avoid accidental entry. Mirror, she simply closed the door and hid in her room.
Even if Wang Lin took his daughters to the Disneyland to play, or carefully prepared a cake for the eldest daughter’s birthday, at the moment when he was supposed to be joking, the eldest daughter’s smile always seemed to be seen on her father’s camera. stiff.
Wang Lin quite helplessly explained that now it is necessary to keep a record of her growth while the youngest daughter is still willing to be close to him. "Otherwise, when she is also in the rebellious period, she is reluctant to say a word, let alone. I happily took pictures together".
Scientific "Baby" is inseparable from respect for children
Zhang Min, a member of the Family Education Professional Committee of the Chinese Society of Education and secretary of the Youth Palace in Gongshu District, Hangzhou, believes that many parents are always enjoying themselves in their friends group. In fact, they use their children as a tool to express their self-worth, especially when parents are in When the circle of friends publicly uses the flag method to encourage children to develop in the direction they want, it will have two negative effects on the child's psychology:
The first is to ignore the children’s psychological feelings and spiritual individual growth when they "bake babies", and weaken the children’s individual dignity into objects with special talents and talents to show off. "Many people’s growth power comes from being loved, but being a When a person is only seen and loved by good grades, children often fail to see the inner self, spirit and emotions of themselves, and thus lose themselves.
The second is that parents secretly compare their children’s education orientation in private, especially when parents try to stimulate their children’s growth with external rewards or punishments under public conditions such as Moments, they will subtly make children think that their efforts are For the face of parents, it is impossible to mobilize the inner driving force that children need to grow up in a real sense.
"The best education is always self-education. Parents should help their children achieve self-awakening and self-education." Zhang Min said that he will definitely ask for the consent of his 9-year-old son before he "shows his baby" on the Moments or Official Account.
When the child sees the content posted by his father, he will take the initiative to say to his father, "Dad, I feel that you have a feeling of showing off when you post these things." At this time, Zhang Min will guide his son to values and explain his actions to his son. Make a record, and second, hope that your positive attitude will influence more people."
"Baby drying" needs to vary from child to child, but scientific "baby drying" cannot be separated from respecting children, protecting children's privacy, and grasping the degree and value orientation of "bathing", just as appropriate sunlight is beneficial to people's body and mind, but excessively Exposure to the sun will bring bad effects.
The netizen "floating idle lazy people" teased that the process of raising a baby is like a game practice account. "People who come here with a puppies on the first day of the first year tell you, (not in the circle of friends) because they have become more and more disgusted. The feeling number has been used up."
From the birth to the growth of the baby, it is necessary to continuously output the krypton gold (game term, meaning to recharge), the upgrade is slow, the krypton gold is very expensive, and it does not depend on the self's wishes.
But at the same time, she also said that bringing a baby is a kind of experience. When a child grows up, he will grow up. It is not that important to become an "MVP". independent individual.
She said that the number she raised now has become a little bit. “Although the homework is messed up, the daily life is very good! Can cook home-cooked dishes, can simply bake, and take public transportation to go out on their own!” She thinks parents must Be self-aware and control your emotions, but don't overly ask your children to let the flow go. Although you don't know that "this seedling" will produce bright flowers or a dog's tail grass, you must have good expectations in life.
(At the request of the interviewee, Tan Lan and Hu Dan are both pseudonyms)
China Youth Daily·China Youth Daily reporter Xie Yang, intern Wang Xiaoran, Luo Jie Source: China Youth Daily
Version 05, January 25, 2021