Monday in "Sans Rendez-vous", the sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers a question that arises within a growing number of couples: should we absolutely live together or should we keep a different domicile to breathe better?

The specialist also takes the opportunity to question our relationship to commitment.

What if the couple's future passed no longer through one and the same home, but through a certain independence in the life of two, which would no longer really be one on a daily basis?

This is the question raised by Céline, whose best friend still does not live in the same accommodation as her partner, after three years of relationship.

The sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers her in the program "Sans Rendez-vous", Monday afternoon on Europe 1. The specialist also looks at the importance of everyday life in the construction of a couple.

Celine's question

"My best friend has been in a relationship for three years, but still lives alone at home. I find it difficult to conceive of a married life living apart. What do you think? Is it more and more common?"

Catherine Blanc's response

"I believe that we should not make a big city the national example. Each couple has to write their story. It is true that we are no longer in an emergency to get together to make babies and making a home. It's more of an individual story. We study for a long time to do a job and we develop more individuality, which does not go too much in the direction of construction and sharing. "

Is it weird not wanting to sleep with your partner every night?

"Why should you absolutely sleep with your spouse? We can say to ourselves that it is curious not to want this tenderness, this sharing. However, why can not we do otherwise? We can recognize that people have the right to invent new situations, but I fear that this will also be the expression of a difficulty of commitment, the need to feel free of possibilities elsewhere. When I say elsewhere, I I'm not just talking about sexual or romantic possibilities, I'm also talking about friendly and professional possibilities, as if the couple, moreover the family and later the children, were an obstacle to the development of individuality. the fault of our world today. "

Isn't that selfish behavior without the less likable moments that are a part of life?

"Absolutely. It's not just life together, it's life itself. I believe that we are in a society where the marketing of everything sells us happiness and enjoyment everywhere. There is no happiness and enjoyment, we have to change the product. Life is not that. Life is upheaval. We have just lived through a year 2020 which was complicated. The year 2021 is likely to know also complications like all the others.We get older, we meet in our life accidents of course… Well, that is the truth of the life and the life of two.

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What is beautiful to measure at the time of these accidents or these difficulties of relations, including those famous socks to pick up, is that we are also two.

We are stronger and more competent to deal with frustration, to feel that we are competent to deal with frustration.

This bodes well for increased pleasure.

Because if the pleasure should only be a kind of tyranny, claims made to others or made to society, that tells of a difficulty to do with oneself because life will shake up us.

It will be winter, it is not always summer.

It will be full of inconveniences, pains that will appear here and there that we will have to fight.

The world does not stop, however, and our competence is measured precisely by this ability to also accommodate these inconveniences. "

After three years, is it a desire for solitude?

“It is important to know how to do with oneself and not always to be nourished by the other. If one is only by the other, obviously, one is in an idea of ​​hollow and emptiness of oneself. being, we must not go the other way around, not know how to do with others. It is true that we are a lot per square meter, so we trample a little and our own desires are forced to be relegated to from time to time for the benefit of the community or the couple. This being so, we have to find a happy medium because otherwise we are in a world of selfishness and in a permanent distrust of the other. "

They can hold out like that at 25, but they're never going to know each other, right?

"I think we risk being fooled by time because we are going to have the feeling that 'the other has his little space', that 'I have my little space'. We eroticize our meetings because we Only meet in these possibilities, each essentially on his 31st. Except that time will gallop and we will have forgotten to do things like, perhaps, share a very simple life, have babies, build a family, also learn the tranquility of aging without being every day on its 31. And all this in the peace and sweetness of the relationship. "