"Today I am sad.
Until today I have been pregnant ”.
This is how the blog post that Paula Rosas wrote in November 2014 begins, where she tells about her first miscarriage.
She and her partner Hugo already had a daughter, Molly, and now they wanted to have their second child.
- I was sitting in the car outside Huddinge hospital and had it confirmed, I was very sad.
There was no thought that "this is ugly" or "I will not tell", says Paula Rosas.
Near the first miscarriage, she became pregnant again.
The first time, she felt something was wrong.
The second miscarriage came more suddenly, during a Christmas and New Year celebration in Sälen.
In the spring of 2015, Paula Rosa became pregnant again.
- Then we were more reserved.
It was almost as if I decided that I would not have a child, to protect myself.
I did not have the strength to bring in a joy again and then be deprived, she says.
So, in December 2015, Leonore was born.
- I had held back so much.
I get teary-eyed when I talk about it, it was so tough.
Today I have come out of the situation with two children, says Paula Rosas.
"Glad it exists in my story"
Paula Rosas still receives, six years later, private messages from women who have found support in her posts.
- That's what's so fantastic about social media, you can reach out to someone in silence who may not be talking to anyone else but who reads and absorbs.
I'm glad that this is written in my story, she says.
She wishes that more people knew that miscarriages are common.
- I do not think there is anything that is taboo, you can not influence it yourself.
I wished I had that knowledge before I tried to have children, that you would inform at school or where knowledge is given.