Nea Lundström wakes up to the fact that she is having sex with an unknown man.
The man is a couple of years older than him.
At the same time, the door opens and a group of young people flee to the scene.
Some of the faces are familiar, some unfamiliar.
One of them takes out a cell phone and videos the situation.
Nea Elviira puts it!
Lundström’s first time is anything but what he has always dreamed of.
The ninth grade had ended a few weeks earlier.
Lundström from Espoo had gone to a home party with his best friends.
A group of friends tasted alcohol for the first time in their lives.
The alcohol rose quickly and properly on the head.
Memories of the evening are foggy by the way, but it’s been remembered that the appointment started right away.
- I can still hear the echo in the big house: Whore!
The day after the party, the video had already been distributed in a group chat with a group of friends.
Lundström’s closest friends mostly chuckled at the event: then you went to do something like that.
- My best friend at the moment shouted at me that Do you realize Nea, what are you going to be for the rest of your life?
Lundström doesn’t know how widely the video actually spread, but along the summer and fall, rumors ran through his ears that at least everyone in the circle of acquaintances had seen it.
High school began in the fall.
People whispered in the hallways as Lundström walked past, or at least he felt it.
Schoolmates were intimidated that the video would be shown at the abigala.
Lundström tried to survive by downplaying what had happened to himself.
At times, however, the same question repeatedly struck in my head: why did I go to do so.
Lundström did not dare to tell his father or mother.
She was frightened that they would be ashamed so much that they would no longer want to be her parents.
The guys named Lundström his 14-year-old little brother, and he got social media contacts where his sister was barked.
From telling the parents, recovery began
During the autumn, Lundström made new friends and the group of friends changed.
Singing and music brought comfort and relief to the anxiety.
Then a panic attack struck in a choral performance.
Sweaty, heart beat, oxygen did not pass.
Panic attacks began to come more and more often, and parents were worried.
Until the following summer, however, Lundström persevered and patrolled what had happened inside him despite the anxiety and panic attacks.
Sometimes the thought even faded into the mind that everything would be easier if he didn’t exist.
- At that point, I had to tell my parents, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to live anymore.
When the events of the party came to light for the parents, they were really angry, but certainly not for their daughter.
- That's when I first realized that I hadn't done anything wrong.
This was the first step towards recovery.
The parents sought help from their daughter and Lundström got into therapy.
Criminal proceedings in Finland are too demanding
There are no statistics in Finland on how much intimate images or videos are distributed, says Helsinki Police Commissioner Jarmo Heinonen.
Statistics are compiled on the basis of criminal titles.
Posting unwanted sexual images is not a criminal offense, but a practice that may be associated with multiple criminal offenses, such as disseminating information that violates your privacy, defamation, or extortion.
In this way, the phenomenon is hidden in the statistics.
Heinonen thinks that most cases of disseminating intimate images do not come to the attention of the police.
Lundström did not file a criminal complaint for filming or distributing the video for fear of not being taken seriously or underestimated.
The psychologist who treated Lundström also described the possible criminal process as demanding, and urged Lundström to think carefully about whether it was worth going to the process.
Lundström is angry that the criminal process in Finland is so cumbersome and heavy.
He feels that because of this, a victim of sexual or mental violence rarely makes a criminal report.
He believes that the criminal process should be made as easy as possible for the victim and respectful of the victim.
Young people do not always seek help for themselves, even if they experience sexual harassment or violence.
Anni Pätilä, the leader of the Sua for somessa project, told Me Nais earlier that sexuality is still associated with shame and taboos among young people.
"I hope they have repented"
Although the incident has been traumatic, and Lundström is still working on the matter, he does not blame the videographer or the young people who disseminated it.
- I don't want to resent anyone, even though their actions were terrible.
However, I hope that they themselves have repented of their actions.
Lundström understands that what has happened is deeply rooted in our societies about what is perceived to be appropriate for women and men.
The taboos of sexuality also play a role in the background.
After the incident, none of the friends or group of friends questioned the photographer or distributors of the video.
- Everyone was just talking about me, no one ever talked about that man.
Open speech in some
Significant to Lundström’s recovery has been that she has begun to talk openly about her experiences on LinkedIn and her own @ neaelviira-Instagram account.
The feedback has invariably been positive and encouraging.
Lundström has also made an #HORA audio documentary about his experiences.
The documentary won Yle's Shortdox competition in September.
It has been important for Lundström to talk about things with his own face, because at the age of 16 he himself would have needed an open discussion on the subject.
According to him, those who have experienced sexual harassment often do not want to share their experiences in public because of the shame they feel.
Lundström is at the forefront of the #name Shame - Shame Doesn't Belong Us campaign, which will be launched on the last day of October.
Lundström has set up a campaign with the Sua for somessa project.
Lundström has been the main designer of the campaign and is responsible for its visual look and some content.
The campaign has largely been implemented pro bono with numerous partners.
- My best friend Susanne Sipinen has also been an invaluable support.
As the frontrunner of the campaign, Lundström wants to emphasize that no one who has been sexually harassed or abused needs to bear the shame they have experienced.
And despite the traumatic events, it is possible to live a good life.
Lundström realizes that events will always affect him in some way.
He has returned to therapy to work on his thoughts.
Little by little, trust in people has been restored.
For a long time, Lundström felt that he had no right to enjoy his sexuality.
- Now I know that I have the right to enjoy life and sex just like everyone else.
Although the events have had far-reaching consequences, Lundström would like to point out that he does not want to be identified as just a victim.
He hopes the same for other wrestlers.
- I'm also much more than a victim.
I sing in a band, I run marathons and I am an entrepreneur in the media sector.
Follow the No Our Shame campaign on Instagram @eimeidanhapea.
You can participate in the campaign by using the hashtag #eimeidanhapea.