"I can't stand it because I'm the eldest son" -How to make a child feel that way October 30 19:08
"I could put up with it because I was the eldest son.
" The main character of the popular manga "Kimetsu no Yaiba" made a big response in the battle scene, saying "I'm sick" and "I really like it."
But have you ever been told or said something like this?
"Because you're an older brother, please bear with me."
"You're an older sister, be firm."
These
words are chased by childcare, chores, work, and just say something like this.
In fact, it seems to be counterproductive for children.
In other words, is there a way for children to do their best?
<Network News Department Reporter Daisuke Narita (eldest son, father of two children) / Shinichiro Kuninaka (eldest son)>
It's okay for him to say ...
The topical dialogue appears in the original manga of "Kimetsu no Yaiba" and the TV anime.
Sumijiro, the hero's boy who fights to save his sister who has become a demon.
It is a word that was issued to inspire oneself while enduring the pain of injury.
Due to the hit of the movie, various comments have been received on SNS even recently.
"It's painfully understandable."
"I have a strong sense of responsibility."
"It shows the strength of Sumijiro."
On the other hand, such an indication.
"Even my second son can put up with it."
"It feels strange."
"Mystery theory ..."
There was also such a post that spoke for the thoughts of "brothers" nationwide.
"It's okay because my eldest son says,'You can put up with it because you're an older brother,' is a word that older brothers all over the country are so tired of hearing."
It sounds like a word that adults don't want to say.
However, from the standpoint of parents, I tend to talk about it.
It seems that there are many people who regret that the younger child was born and hit the older child tightly, and that he could not be chewed like before.
There is such a post on SNS.
"Every day, every day, I take care of my youngest child, so I just put up with my eldest son and daughter ..."
"The second son was born, and I've been scolding my eldest son more often. Wait a minute, I've put up with it. "
Let's do it
."
"
I
just made my eldest son put up with it, and I regret seeing my sleeping face every night."
The author (Narita) has a daughter and a son, but when I see a sibling occasionally, I just stop the older daughter.
(Father = writer) "My younger brother is small and I'm an older sister, so be patient."
(Daughter) "Why do you just tell me when my younger brother is bad! I didn't
like
him and became an older sister."
However, there were times when I was sure.
"Congratulations on becoming an older sister"
Is there any good way?
Posts that are likely to be a clue to the solution are now attracting attention.
The woman who wrote it looks back on when she was in elementary school and when she had a younger brother.
When my younger brother was born, my mother said, "I don't remember the baby I was born with, so if I could, I would like to congratulate my older child on'Congratulations on becoming an older sister.'" Then, "Congratulations to my sister" arrived to me, and my sister's life started from the height of ecstasy.
Simple "Hahaha, let's put up with anything! Because I'm my sister!" Because it ’s my sister !!! !! ”
Mother“ It ’s different when you
’re an
older sister, it ’s amazing. ”
Simple me,“ Hahahahaha !! ”
At the time of coverage, the series of posts had a total of more than 40,000 retweets.
I was able to talk to the woman who posted it.
It is said that this woman had a younger brother when she was eight years old.
To my relatives and those around me who said, "Let's give a baby gift," my mother enthusiastically gave me a present as an older sister, not as a celebration for my younger brother. It is.
As a result, it seems that the goods of the characters that I loved at that time arrived one after another to me as an older sister.
Woman
"I think my younger brother was just born and I think it took a lot of work, but I remember being told" Congratulations "by the people around me so much that I didn't feel lonely. I didn't feel like "I got my mom ...", but rather I thought, "It's such a good thing to have a younger brother!"
Road to "onee-chan" Even before my younger brother was born
In fact, it seems that preparations for becoming an "older sister" began shortly before the birth of her younger brother.
I was also talking about such an episode.
Woman
"In parallel with the celebration operation, there was a" last only child enjoyment period "before I was born. My mother and my father took me to various places when my mother became hungry. My parents moved around me as much as I could, saying, "My younger brother isn't having such a fun time as an only child. Instead, I'm not just my parents, but as a" plus one ". I remember thinking, "Let's pet my brother."
Even after becoming an older sister, there were various "devices".
▼ I was told, "It's a special thing to turn over for the first time in my life, so it would be great if I could find my sister!", And I was always taking care of my younger brother.
▼ I was asked, "Sister, would you like to make milk?", And when I tried it, I was praised, "It's done, it's amazing!"
In this way, I was helping myself to change milk and diapers.
Woman
"If I was told,'You're an older sister, take care of me!', I might have been repulsing,'I want to do what I like!'. Maybe I had to put up with it somewhere. I don't know, but I think he guided me well so that I wouldn't even notice it. On the contrary, I was absorbed in watching my brother, saying, "I'm doing something special."
This woman who became a splendid "sister" while receiving skillful instruction.
Looking back, it seems that he has never been told, "Because you are an older sister, do XX."
He is on good terms with his younger brother, and even now as an adult, he continues to have a relationship like going to a theme park together.
Feelings become unstable when a younger brother / sister is born
"This mother's idea is very wonderful. I think it should be," said Professor Mafumi Usui (Psychology) of Niigata Seiryo University.
According to Professor Usui, when a younger brother or sister is born, the older child becomes unstable.
Professor Usui
"The oldest child had all his love and love all to himself, but when he had a younger brother and sister, all the attention and affection of his parents would turn to that. It becomes unstable and it is easy to show a regression phenomenon, so-called "baby return", or to bully the younger child. "
At that time, parents tend to say, "I'm already an older brother / older sister."
Professor Usui rings the alarm bell.
Professor Usui:
"When my older child suddenly becomes spoiled, my parents become anxious and say," I have to do something about it "and" I have to grow up strong and well. "But it is counterproductive for children. Children who feel deprived of their parents' affection become more and more anxious and fall into a vicious circle. "
Give your child some leeway
Then, how should we deal with the older child?
Professor Usui points out that it is important for children to have "mindfulness".
Professor Usui:
"In order to have someone put up with something, you need a foundation of" leeway in your heart. "Even if you hit" Be patient! "With a whip, it won't last long. Even if a baby is born," I am better. It is important to give it in a state of mind with a sense of security, saying, "I'm more loved. I can't help it, so I'll put up with it."
What is needed for that.
Professor Usui:
"It's about looking
at the
opportunity. I praise you," As expected, my sister! "Or" Kindergarten students are amazing. "And sometimes, I give them" special treatment. " You can secretly give souvenirs only to the older child. Even one candy ball will give the child a "special feeling". Please try it according to the situation of each house. "
You may wonder if it's okay to give it special treatment, but Professor Usui said, "Equality doesn't matter to children. When they grow up, they'll understand."
Indeed, even a small word or gift conveys the feeling of cherishing yourself.
Not limited to the older child
As I proceeded with the interview, I came to feel that this story was not just a problem for my older child who had a younger brother and sister.
Do you know the word "siblings"?
Children with siblings with disabilities or illnesses.
They tend to be patient in many ways and often have peculiar worries.
According to the Tokyo YWCA Foundation, which supports children with children, these children implicitly play the role expected by their parents because their parents are more likely to be interested in children with disabilities or illnesses. It is said that they tend to work hard.
It seems that there are many children who take good care of themselves, are willing to help, and do their best to study and exercise for their siblings.
In fact, I point out that I need to be careful because I'm putting too much pressure on myself.
Mr. Toki
"It is important for parents to be aware of the feelings of their siblings, and to make time for one-on-one, and to make sure that you are as important as a child with a disability or illness. I would like you to tell me. In order to have such a margin of mind, parents themselves need time to face themselves and refresh themselves. "
In addition to providing a place where only siblings can gather and play freely, this group also provides a place for parents to share their worries and thoughts, and continues to support each parent and child.
With a few words and ingenuity
I was impressed by the story that both the child's heart and the parent's side need "margin".
What is important may be a little word and ingenuity to convey the feeling that "you are important".