Can we really love one of our children more than the other and be biased towards him without realizing it?
If this happens, how can we control our feelings to preserve the psychological health of our children and the stability of the family?
In this report, Mamanpourlavie sheds light on what are known as parental feelings of bias towards the “favorite child” and their psychological effects on children.
The site says that it is normal for one of the children to be closer to the heart of his parents than others, and that there is no need to feel guilty when we do not love our children the same, but the important and necessary thing is to control our feelings and not show bias towards the "favorite child" in a way that hurts the feelings of his brothers.
influential factors
The site shows that parents ’emotional relationship with children is affected by several factors that make them love one son more than others, and the most important of these factors are:
The moment of birth
: that is, were the spouses in a harmonious state when the child was born, or not?
Did the mother relax well during maternity leave or did she leave work?
And other details.
Parents' memories from childhood
: play a very important role, as they may behave with children in a way similar to what they lived in childhood, so if the father, for example, was the youngest of his siblings, he might lean toward his younger son.
Similarity factors
: This is known as the "mirror effect", meaning that we may tend to the child who is very similar to us, both physically and emotionally.
We may be inclined to a child who is a lot like us, physically and emotionally (pixels)
Beware of bias
The site asserts that it is impossible to love our children to the same degree, there is often a "favorite child," but we usually avoid thinking about it deeply.
What we must realize and accept is that we love all of our children, but to varying degrees, and this feeling develops based on the child's gender, age, personality characteristics, interests, and energy that requires us to take care of him.
If it is difficult to control our feelings, then what we can control is the behavior towards children, as we are required not to show bias towards the "favorite child", and attention to the smallest details so that none of the other children feel that they are not receiving the same care.
For example, if you buy new clothes for the first child and then use them for the second child, explain that the goal is to save money, not to favor an older sibling.
Also, be careful when serving food at the table, as placing the plate in front of one child before the other may cause jealousy and problems.
It is easy for children to feel neglected and to be dominated by negative feelings if they see biased behavior towards one of the siblings. Therefore, we must beware of being led by emotions, and we should treat children equally so that the atmosphere within the family is not sour.
Get to know your children well
The site affirms that parents must be well acquainted with the characteristics of each of their children and his character that distinguishes him from his siblings, in order to control feelings of bias towards one son and not the other.
In this context, you can prepare a list that includes the 5 best characteristics of each of your children or a list of the five things that each of them are good at more than the other, and this method will allow you to know your children better.
Whenever the opportunity arises, try to do a special activity with each of your children separately, for example, eat a cup of hot chocolate in the café with your older child, and take a leisure trip with your daughter, and spend fun in the garden with your youngest child, and you will realize that every child can Makes you live a wonderful and different feeling.
It is also good not to interfere in disputes between brothers, and leave them to solve their problems on their own, to avoid any biased behavior that may make matters worse.
What if the grandmother had a favorite grandchild?
If the grandmother lives at home and shows bias towards a grandson and not others, be sure to address the situation as soon as possible, talk to her about the matter and try to explain that this will negatively affect the family and sibling relationships.
If the grandmother lives in another place and sees some grandchildren more than others, then there is no need to exaggerate the matter, it is natural that she leans more to the grandson who visits her frequently, but if things go wrong you may need help from the grandmother to persuade the grandmother to control her feelings a little.