THE SEXO QUESTION - My girlfriend refuses fellatio, how can I manage my frustration?

In a relationship for seven years, Samuel has a hard time getting used to the fact that his girlfriend rejects oral sex.

Considering sex as "give and take", he decided not to give her cunnilingus anymore.

Tuesday in "Sans Rendez-vous" on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc, psychoanalyst and sexologist in Paris, analyzes this refusal and explains to Samuel how to better manage his frustration. 

Samuel's question

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years and she has never given me a blowjob, she says she doesn't like it.

I made the decision, for some time, to stop giving her cunnilingus.

For me, sex is give and take.

What do you think ?

Catherine Blanc's response 

On the "give and take" side, everyone has their own way of seeing things.

We can tell ourselves that not giving cunnilingus to someone who does not give you oral sex can be a way of showing them that frustration can be worth it for them too.

I think, however, that things in sexuality are not so divided.

Samuel can always tell himself that his friend has preconceptions about sexuality and that it could be interesting, in the context of their relationship, to venture a little beyond her modesty or her discomfort.

However, we also have the right to have modesty, discomfort and disgust while being respected in its impossibilities.

It would be a shame to do it on the pretext that "normal people do it".

It is society that imposes this idea. 

>> Find all sexo questions in replay and podcast here

If fellatio is absolutely prohibitive for her, she will agree to never have cunnilingus again.

However, she can wonder about the fact of easily welcoming what is done to her sex, while she finds the reciprocal uncomfortable or disgusting.

This can indicate to his partner that he is not about to gluttony.

But it should rather be taken lightly, starting by simply asking her what is bothering her.

A lot of things can bother a woman about giving a blowjob.

It could be seeing a penis up close, fear that the penis might urinate, or the smell of it.

In which case it suffices to reassure her, to tell her that he is "very beautiful, very clean", that he smells good.

It can also be because she doesn't know how to do it, or is afraid of her own teeth, afraid of being clumsy.

If this is it, there is nothing inescapable: within a couple, you can learn.

Remembering, of course, that you can stop at any time.

The apprehension is legitimate, always understandable, but can sometimes be overcome.

Afterwards, if it's impossible, it's impossible.

Some say to themselves that such and such a practice is very important to them and that if they cannot find them within their relationship, they will look for them elsewhere.

It's pretty sad because life is also synonymous with frustrations.

They are not serious in themselves, there are lots of other things to develop.

If a couple cares about it, they don't care much.