THE SEXO QUESTION - How to react in case of absence of desire during pregnancy?

It's no secret that pregnancy can be a source of stress, anxiety and confusion, for both men and women.

And this also concerns sexuality.

For Geoffrey, listener of Europe 1, it is about a complicated period in the matter: his companion wants to continue to make love.

Him, no.

Its problematic raises others: that of the rhythms of desire, the impact of psychology, alternatives to penetration, even to sexuality.

In Sans rendez-vous, Catherine Blanc, sexologist, psychoanalyst and columnist of Europe 1, sheds light on us.

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Geoffrey's question 

"My girlfriend is four months pregnant. I take care of her, a little belly is already there. She complains that we are no longer making love, but on my side, I can't. said the baby's presence in her womb blocked the urge to have sex. What should I do? "

Catherine Blanc's response 

“When the tummy starts to come out, with the baby in the middle, it can be a little crippling for some men. Because you can be very happy to have a baby, a little less having the idea that this baby is at the heart of a parents' sexuality. There are all the possible and unimaginable fantasies that are at work at that moment. In the fantasies that are distressing, there is for example often the idea that the we could hurt the baby.

So let's be clear, this is not possible, even though one would have the feeling of having a huge penis.

It doesn't work, it absolutely doesn't work like that.

There is no communication between the uterus, which is closed like a safe, in the case of babies, and the vagina, which has a capacity for elasticity.

And therefore the ability to extend to the maximum of the length of the penis, without, of course, entering the uterus.

Should we then force ourselves to make love, even if there is no desire?

I think when you can't, you can't.

And you know very well that when a man doesn't feel it, he will be able to do whatever he wants, his penis, anyway, will not stand up to allow penetration.

Penetration, if it is anxious for him, if we do not find an erection or if there is the anxiety of being dangerous, there are other ways to bring tenderness, pleasure, sexual pleasure as well.

Ideally, even for the child, studies have shown that having sex if the mother enjoys it stimulates a nervous system which stimulates the nervous system of the child.

So it's very positive, it makes him feel good.

What if the argument is not enough to arouse the desire?

What I mean is that when the nervous system is awake, it can be very interesting for everyone's development and peace of mind.

But there is obviously psychology, and that is something else.

We can understand that psychology is a total barrier.

Anyway, this is a time when if we are not ready for that, we must be able to give something else.

And the time will come when the woman may not want to either.

Everyone has their time, everyone will accept frustration.

We don't have to sexualize everything.

It's a time when we can just want to be at the rendezvous of parenthood, stop wanting to put sex everywhere.

What is problematic is when there is one who wants and the other who does not.

And so, we have to find compromises.

But we, here, in this studio, have nothing to impose on a couple.

Everyone has their own pace.

And let us also understand that for men, it can be an anxiety of castration.

That is to say who he made love once and now there is a baby inside.

So now he's saving his penis, so as not to have more babies.

There is psychology, fantasies, which are involved in everything.

It's about making friends with your fears, seeing that all of this is a psychic construction ".