Every day in Sans rendez-vous on Europe 1, sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers a listener's question.
Natasha's question
I've been seeing a boy for a few weeks, he's more of a "sexfriend", we only see each other for sexual pleasure between two singles. However, I noticed that every time we had sex, he would go straight into the shower. I know we are not a couple but a minimum of tenderness, a little hug after love for example, I would appreciate it. What do you think ?
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Catherine Blanc's response
It's interesting because today, it's not sex that seems to be the most intimate thing. The expression of his emotions, his attachment and his love has paradoxically become something very shameless. It seems that some, to considerably develop the freedom of their sexuality, camouflage in return what would be more intimate, that is to say their emotions. We know, however, that what makes sexuality interesting is not simply to rub our bodies against each other. This is also what it will generate other than a simple confrontation of bodies.
Is there a physiological explanation for this phenomenon?
There is something of the order of abandonment at the time of ejaculation, of this discharge which can lead to drowsiness. The man in question goes under the shower to perhaps stop this process. There is a need for control for the man at this time. In a relationship, there is not this fear of falling asleep and this need for control because we are in trust with the other.
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How to exchange with your partner without misunderstanding?
To make her partner understand that she wants more tenderness, without going beyond their relationship based only on sex, Natasha can simply tell him by making him understand that more tenderness would not imprison her in a serious relationship. A relationship that she does not want anyway despite its ambivalence.